Tony: When Toni was born I was having a tax year in Ireland, so I was only allowed back in the country on a certain day. I’d timed the visit to coincide with the birth, but Toni had to be induced early. I was furious. Absolutely furious. I saw her and Leonie, my wife at the time, for a couple of days and that was it… I had to leave again. The next time I saw my family was six weeks later, when we all went on a skiing trip to Austria.

That was right at the height of the whole Spandau fame thing. Life was completely mad. True had been a big No 1, and we were touring all over the place. It wasn’t the perfect situation for a young father to be in, but what was the alternative? If you have a hit, you have to accommodate those countries where you’re selling records. That was my job.

The guilt was pretty bad at times — especially for the first two kids, Tom and Toni. By the time Mackenzie came along, I wasn’t away so much. If I was on tour, I would always call every couple of days, no matter if I was in New York or Timbuktu. Leonie said it was a standing joke back at the house. If the telephone rang, all the kids would run downstairs because they thought it was Dad calling.

Obviously, I wish I’d been able to spend more time with my kids when they were growing up. I’ve lost count of the birthdays, parties and school-report days that I missed. But look at those poor guys out in Iraq and Afghanistan. You’re away for months at a time and you’ve got somebody trying to blow your head off. Frankly, that makes what I had to go through look pretty easy. When I was at home, I did my best to bring the family back together as much as I could. Traditional Sunday lunch, day trips, doing the school run. And I used to love watching Toni play football. She was a right tomboy when she was little. Very feisty. I think a lot of that was down to me. I used to say: “If you’re going to play football, play it like a boy. Get in there! If you’re going to run, run like a boy. Don’t wave your legs all over the place. Steam in. Go for the ball.” Funnily enough, she became one of her school’s best sprinters and won quite a few trophies.

I’ve got a great rapport with my boys, but every father will tell you there’s something different about having a daughter. As a father, you have a natural instinct to protect your daughter. There’s a vulnerability that never goes away. Every time I see her, I just want to give her a big cuddle.

As she has got older, Toni has become a bit more of a girlie girl — more of a woman, I suppose. She likes her make-up and her fashion. But that determined, feisty streak she had as a kid is still there. She’s a real grafter. She knows that if she wants to be an actress she’s going to have a fight on her hands. The other day I said to her: “You’re a great actress and you’re a good-looking girl, but how much do you want it? How much are you prepared to give?” Toni knows she’s got to give it everything, because she’s seen how my career’s gone up and down. One day you’re having hit singles and the next day it’s all falling apart. During those times, me and Leonie tried to make sure the kids weren’t affected. That’s not easy when you lose a court case that costs you hundreds of thousands of pounds [Hadley, Steve Norman and John Keeble took their former band-mate Gary Kemp to court in 1999 over unpaid royalties] and your picture is all over the papers. What can you say to your kids? “We’re financially crippled and we can’t go on holiday this year”? Course you can’t. You start gigging wherever you can. You dig yourself out of the hole.

None of it would have been possible without Leonie. I know it was hard for her being on her own, bringing up three kids. Unfortunately, rock stars are very selfish people. It’s the me-me-me show. I certainly couldn’t be married to one. Me at home while my bird’s flying off round the world for months at a time… It takes a very special person to put up with that.

I think my lifestyle did contribute to us splitting up. That was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. To sit down with my kids and tell them that Mum and Dad aren’t going to be together any more. We were a couple for 23 years. That’s a bloody long time. I’m living with somebody else now and I’ve got a new baby, but I’d like to think that me and Leonie are still mates.

Recently I had a word with Toni and the boys and said: “Look, I’m really sorry about how things turned out. And I wish I’d been able to spend more time with you when you were younger.” They just said: “You’re the only dad we’ve got and we love you. As far as we’re concerned, you did a brilliant job.” Hopefully, my kids will have a pragmatic approach to life. They know it’s not all hunky-dory. If Toni wants to be an actress, she’s going to have to be prepared for some very tough decisions. If you’re lucky enough to be living your dream, just remember that one day it’ll be payback time.

Toni: I don’t remember seeing Dad on TV as a kid, but I remember hearing his songs on the radio. I’d be sitting at the kitchen table and all of a sudden my dad’s voice would be coming out of the speaker. Of course it’s a bit weird at first, but then it just becomes normal. You’ve got to remember that I also saw my dad when he was just being Dad; when he was mowing the lawn, mending my bike or cleaning. He gets a real kick out of that sort of stuff. If ever there was a new toy or a bit of furniture to put together, he used to get really excited about getting the manual out and letting me and my brothers help him.

It’s only over the last couple of years that I’ve really understood the impact my dad’s music had. People say things like: “Through the Barricades is our theme tune.” And at the moment I’m going out with a guy who’s in a band, and the song he’s always sung in the shower is Gold. Now that is weird!

Going to auditions for acting jobs with the name Toni Hadley can be a bit embarrassing. A few times, they’ve asked me if my parents were big Spandau fans. But once they find out I’m his daughter, most people are quite cool about it. One or two women have said: “Oh, my God. I used to fancy your dad soooo much!” I’m like: “I’d rather not hear that, thank you very much!” Actually, a bit of me finds it quite funny. He still looks pretty good for his age.

Dad being away from home became the norm. It was weirder having him around. He always says that when he came back off tour he would let me and my brothers get away with anything, but that’s not how I remember it. He was always getting on my case about tidying my room. If anything, I used to be even more well behaved. It was like: “Oh, well… Dad’s coming back from Japan. Better go and tidy all my stuff up.”

And he was very traditional when it came to discipline and manners. You don’t talk with your mouth full, you always say please and thank you, you’re always polite to the neighbours and you treat other people with respect. That really annoys me about a lot of other people my age. Sometimes I see the way people treat each other, the way they treat bar staff or waitresses… I think a lot of that is to do with the parents.

I never heard my mum complain about Dad being away, but I know it wasn’t easy for her. Even though we had a nanny, Mum said to her: “Look, there’s not much point in you looking after the kids, because I want to do it.” Mum always said that we were her life, and her job was to look after us. I think the nanny was just to keep her company.

Some people probably look at my dad’s job and think it had something to do with my parents splitting up. I don’t agree. These things can happen in any marriage. The best thing is that we all get on and we all live very close to each other. Dad’s just become a father again, and I suppose that could make things a bit messy. But I said to him: “Look, we’re all grown-ups. We just want you to be happy. If you’re happy, we’re happy.” I guess I’m always going to be “Daddy’s little girl”, and no matter what happens I will always be there for him

Interviews by Danny Scott.
Portrait by Kalpesh Lathigra