Smash hit

Exactly as we do when the speaker sits down and question time begins.

Nail sense into them

WHAT a shame that Piers Morgan is no longer Editor of the Daily Mirror. We miss his modesty, stating in a recent interview that “history will judge the Mirror’s campaign on the Iraq war as one of the strongest, bravest and best campaigns that any newspaper ever waged against anything ever”.

Who was it who once said that history might have better things to do? And then there is Mr Morgan’s spectacularly good judgment. He would like, he says perfectly seriously, to run one more Mirror campaign: “Bring Back Saddam — Bring Some Order to this Country”. It reminds me of the Monty Python character advancing the merits of crucifixion. “Nail some sense into them, it’s the only language they understand.”

You couldn’t make it up. Or perhaps, given that it’s the Mirror, you could.

Take your pick

ANYONE who doubts my suggestion that even straight news reporting almost always involves bias and interpretation will have enjoyed last week’s coverage of the Prime Minister’s address to the Labour Party conference.

Having listened to the same speech, the Financial Times headed its front page with “Blair sorry for Iraq claim” while The Guardian’s headline was: “Blair refuses to say sorry”.

As I read these I reflected that there was a time when Tony Blair was able to get the headline he wanted in the paper he wanted, and these interpretations would have been reversed.

Call on me

Whatever questions John Humphrys may dream up, he will never think of a more difficult question to answer than the one you constantly get on the telephone: “Are you busy?” To say “yes” sounds rude, while saying “no” inviters the caller to go on and on.

And what do you do then? How do you cut someone off politely when they have outstayed their telephone welcome? One friend says I should stand up and that my voice will change, giving the signal that I want to get off the line. Another suggests I should hang up in the middle of my own sentence.

Anybody got any better ideas?

daniel.finkelstein@thetimes.co.uk