Smash hit

KATE: "The thing about Rufus is that he has this wonderful guileless quality about him. It's like the time I gave him a Rubik's Cube. He was only small and I thought he wouldn't have the patience for it. But half an hour later he handed it back to me. Completed.

"Wow, Rufus," I said. "I didn't think you'd be able to work out all the twists so quickly." And he said: "What do you mean, all the twists? I didn't twist anything. It was simple. I just removed the stickers and put all the red ones on this side, the blues on that side, the yellow ones on this side..." I had to laugh. It was typical of Rufus to think that if he couldn't get round a problem in the conventional way, he'd find his own way.

When Loudon and I split, Rufus was four. Loudon and I had our problems and there was a lot of animosity. He was at a point in his career when he was frustrated, while my sister and I had made a record that was being touted as the best thing since sliced bread. It was sad because Loudon and I had wonderful times together and our love was intense.

I took the kids with me and moved back to my home in Canada. And obviously, bringing two young kids up myself was tough, but we got by. Sometimes you simply have to think that it's just great to be alive, no matter how you get here. When I look at my own background, there wasn't much love in our home. My parents hardly spoke to each other and practically lived in two separate parts of the house. The truth is that fairy-tale endings are probably very few and far between. And I think Rufus has also come to realise that.

It's weird for me now, because Rufus is so like his father. I keep having these déjà vu moments — I'll be with Rufus but I'm seeing Loudon all over again. The same temperament, the same attitude, the same things getting them down. It's like the genes just come at you. It's particularly amazing, as they've never spent that much time together. I guess the difference with Rufus is, I can put my hands on my hips and disagree with him over something, and he's not going to turn around and divorce me.

Rufus went through a tough time in his late twenties and went into therapy. I, on the other hand, don't think I've ever talked to anybody about the things that have troubled me in my life. There's the school that says you should get things out in the open, and the other school that says you should leave things unsaid and they'll straighten themselves out in the end. I tend to be of the latter school.

At the end of the day, I'm so glad to have Rufus in my life. I sometimes look at people who have children and they have so much trouble reaching out to them or relating to them. I know one mother and son — she's in her eighties and he's in his fifties — and after all this time they still don't understand each other. I just think that's very sad, because I know they love each other, and their relationship will end soon because she'll no longer be around. That's the worst part. When you start realising how finite everything is, then all your differences and misunderstandings and pain should fall away. I hope that will always be the case with Rufus and me."