The rich and famous have long been studied by the public (normally within the pages of
Hello!); what no one has quite been able to explain is why so many of them behave so badly. Take the CEO who pampers himself on company money while forcing his staff to endure cutbacks or redundancy; or the movie star who regularly throws tantrums on set or is routinely rude to waiting staff in restaurants.
Almost every week we have news of a celebrity, lottery winner or City squillionare behaving badly, and some of them may be victims of what a psychiatrist from Cornell University Medical School has coined “acquired situational narcissism” (ASN).
Robert B. Millman, who describes the syndrome in his book Substance Abuse: A Comprehensive Textbook, distinguishes between those who are born narcissistic and those who become narcissistic as a result of having fame, power and wealth thrust upon them (this is the acquired part). The term narcissism is derived from the Greek myth. Narcissus was so in love with his own image reflected in the water that he fell in and drowned.
Typically narcissistic behaviour is approval seeking, temperamental, egotistical and devoid of empathy for others. We are all born selfish, but by the age of 4 most of us have come to terms with the fact that we are not the centre of the universe and that other people (siblings, for example) exist.
Narcissism is not all bad, however. “A healthy narcissist,” says Jon Stokes, a business psychologist who works closely with City companies and investment banks, “is one whose mother said they were fantastic their whole life. These are people who grow up feeling great about themselves and consequently end up very successful.
“The unhealthy narcissist, on the other hand, is one who doesn’t have a strong sense of self. Typically he has a mother who was hard to please. Chances are that she was also a narcissist. He is like Tinkerbell in Peter Pan: he only feels he exists when people are clapping.”
Unhealthy narcissists suffer from a very low sense of self and though they can be talented and exciting to be around, their behaviour is ultimately destructive. Other people exist only to reflect the narcissist’s needs, which makes relationships difficult to cultivate. “He is a giant baby who has a temper tantrum every time anyone says no,” says Stokes. Unhealthy narcissists include Hitler and many tyrannical CEOs — and quite a few party political leaders. “These sorts of personalities have an irresistible allure because they act out what are normally repressed aspects of attention-seeking and grandiose fantasies in most of us,” says Stokes.
Millman coined this psychiatric term to explain the symptoms (grandiosity, rage, inability to empathise with others) of his celebrity patients. “When a billionaire or celebrity walks into the room, everyone looks at him,” says Millman. “He’s a prince. He has the power to change your life, and everyone is aware of that. He gets so used to everyone looking at him that he stops looking back. Pretty soon he’s behaving like a four-year-old, except now he doesn ’t have a sibling to bring him back to reality.”
The typical sufferer is elevated to a high position (situation) in a short period of time. Stokes says: “Becoming a CEO, for example, can completely to go your head. When you are in a position of power, you can surround yourself with people who adulate you and never disagree with you. The CEO of a major company, for example, might make the firm pay millions a year for a private PR company. He has spent so long cultivating his image that he now believes it’s real.”
Where normal narcissists think that they are legends in their own times, acquired situational narcissists are told they are by their publicists, groupies, bodyguards, company minions and partners. Many celebrities suffer from some degree of ASN. One minute they’re on the dole in Shoreditch; the next they’re having dinner with the Prime Minister at No 10. The actress Lucy Davenport, who starred in the film Sylvia, has seen many of her peers succumb to the affliction.
“The more they were disempowered at the beginning of their acting careers, the more difficult they become when their career takes off,” she says. “They want to get back at their agent who never returned their calls, so the next thing you know they are demanding only maroon M&M’s on the set and Vanilla Coke in the middle of the night in Warsaw.”
The City is an ASN magnet. Bankers often begin their lives as normal people, but the combination of wealth and power can kill any judgment they might once have had. “The city is packed full of them,” says a former banker. “Many bankers have inflated ideas of their own abilities because all anyone ever does is suck up to them.” Of course, sufferers never seek advice. Stokes says: “All they want to be told is ‘you are beautiful’. Anyone who disagrees with them is out.”
The British love of self-deprecation and laughing at oneself protects us slightly. “As a whole, we English are not meant to appear swollen-headed. It reflects badly on us,” says Matthew Gwyther, editor of Management Today. “Our friends are supposed to tell us if we’re behaving like jerks. If you don’t listen to people around you, you end up like Howard Hughes where you literally can’t cope with anyone.”
ASN sufferers quickly get to the top of their profession; once there, however, they begin to act in a self-destructive way. “Their marriages fall apart, they make lousy parents, they may even take copious amounts of drugs and get in trouble with the law,” says Millman.
“If you don’t have people around you who will tell you the truth, you will eventually blow up,” adds Stokes. A celebrity ASN sufferer might end up shoplifting or picking up prostitutes; businessmen might begin fudging the company’s accounts; both believe that they are above the law because the law is what normal people obey. After all, they have managed to get away with it until now.”
Treating ASN is hellishly difficult. “The first reaction you get is rage,” says Stokes. “Someone is telling them ‘you’re not so beautiful’, and they hate you for it. You’re pricking the bubble of their fragile self-image. Eventually, if you succeed, you help them find a way to value themselves.”
Reality TV, the lottery, ridiculous City bonuses and a celebrity-worshipping culture all serve to fuel the illness, but Stokes says that “situations alone don’t make you a bad guy: you have to have a predisposition”.
“ASN is really about insecurity,” says Gwyther. “It’s about the fear of being taken down a notch to the level you were before you were elevated to such exalted ranks.”
Some celebrities who are ASN sufferers have had to learn that lesson the hard way: the same public that worships you when you’re going up will kick you on the way down.
HOW TO WORK WITH A BOSS WHO HAS ACQUIRED THE NARCISSISM BUG
1. If you confront a narcissist, be specific about the behaviour you find unacceptable, and don't get emotional.
2. Don’t suck up to them: narcissists tire quickly of compliments and people. Just because they like you one year doesn’t mean you will be rewarded the next. Usually the opposite is true.
3. Do not offer any intimacy: narcissists are incapable of friendship or trust. Any confidence you may share will be used against you at another time.
4. Befriend other (balanced) people in similar or higher positions to the narcissist. When the hatchet does come down, you want to be on the right side.
