Smash hit

Bedding

The appearance, texture, manufacturer and softness of sheets, pillows, pillowcases, blankets and bedspreads are more important to women than to men. Usually the woman chose the bedding but consulted the man about her choice or respected his desire to have nothing “too feminine”.

Most beds were made each morning. For some the rule was that the last one out of bed did it, but more women than men cared about whether and how the bed was made.

Going to bed

Almost all couples said that at the start of their relationship they went to bed at the same time — it was romantic, a symbol of their closness and they may have had a busy sexual relationship. But in time the routine of going to bed together could be discarded.

About half of the couples I interviewed usually went to bed together (ie, within 15 minutes of each other). But for others there could be quite a discrepancy in bedtimes.

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Dan [33, married two years]: “When she says she’s going to bed, that means she has to straighten the kitchen, put away the laundry, take a shower and all that. So I’ll lie in bed and read a magazine until she arrives.”

Dan’s wife, Kristen, was not alone in feeling that her path to bed took her through chores that her partner could have done but didn’t do. It was often men, though, who did the security check.

For those who stayed up later than their partner, the main attraction was having time to themselves. This was particularly true in couples who spent a lot of time together each day (for example, retired couples or those who worked together).

What do people wear to bed?

People varied considerably in this. They might wear pyjamas, nighties, T-shirts or underwear. Nine of the 88 people reported sleeping in the nude always or almost always, stressing the feeling of freedom that this gave them and the pleasures of skin contact.