Smash hit

Eddie is lucky in many ways, not least in his choice of a brother. Joseph is seven years older than him, which means that they are not competing on the same level or for the same things. And Joe has his mother’s generosity.

He and Eddie have wonderful big-brother/little-brother games, full of piggybacks and tumbles and chasing and pouncing. The only problem arises when Eddie’s charisma overwhelms a gathering, leaving Joe feeling a little ignored. Eddie makes everything fun when he’s up, so he becomes the centre of attention. Joe, however, takes that in his stride and enjoys Eddie’s social triumphs.

I don’t want to sound too matter-of-fact here, any more than I want to sound saintly. Of course it’s difficult sometimes. That’s true for any parent and, God knows, many parents have more difficult times than Cindy and I do. I don’t, above all, want to give the impression that everything is easy because I am such a sane, balanced and admirable person. I am none of those things. I’m just a parent, playing the hand I’ve been dealt as best I can.

Some bits are hard, some bits are easy, some bits are fun, some bits are a frightful bore. That’s true of life with Eddie, it’s also true of life with Joe. But you don’t even begin to break it up into categories: it is the one endless, complex business of being a parent. You don’t go into parenthood to make sure that the benefits outweigh the deficits: you go into it out of — brace yourself but no other word will do — love.

Parenthood is not really about the traditional round-robin Christmas letter: Jasper is school captain and is having trials for Middlesex at both cricket and rugby and played Hamlet in the school play of the same name, while Oxford and Cambridge have both offered scholarships. He has just passed grade ten on the cello. Parenthood is not about perfection, it’s much more interesting than that: it’s about making the best of what you have. Define best, then? Do that for yourself, but I’ll give you a clue: if you think it’s all about A levels, you’re on the wrong track.

So my task, then, is to bring the best out of Eddie. That is unlikely to involve A levels. I know that there will be many harder things to face as he grows older. No doubt we will take these things in the order in which they come. We can imagine a few horrors, of course, but we will live through the actual events day by day. And we will continue with other important tasks such as giggling and playing ball and providing hats and dealing with a world that can’t imagine the dreadful fate of being a parent to a child with Down’s syndrome.

What is it like to have Down’s syndrome? How terrible is it? Is it terrible at all? It depends, I suppose, on how well loved you are. Like most other conditions of life. Would I want Eddie changed? It’s a silly question but it gets to the heart of the matter. Of course you’d want certain physical things changed: the narrow tubes that lead to breathing problems, for example. But that’s not the same as “changed”, is it? If you are a parent, would you like the essential nature of your child changed? If you were told that pressing a button would turn him into an infant Mozart or Einstein or van Gogh, would you press it? Or would you refuse because you love the person who is there and real, not some hypothetical other?

I can’t say I’m glad that Eddie has Down’s syndrome, or that I would wish him to suffer in order to charm me and fill me with giggles. But no, I don’t want his essential nature changed. Good God, what a thought. It would be as much a denial of myself as a denial of my son. What’s the good of him, then? Buggered if I know. The never-disputed terribleness of Down’s syndrome is used as one of the great justifications for abortion: abortion has to exist so that we don’t people the world with monsters. I am not here to talk about abortion — but I am here to tell you that Down’s syndrome is not an insupportable horror for either the sufferer or the parents. I’ll go further: human beings are not better off without Down’s syndrome.

A chance gathering in my kitchen: three people. My wife, who has some gypsy blood. Eddie. A friend who is Jewish. And the realisation that, under Hitler, all three would have been bound for the ovens. Down’s syndrome, any more than Jewishness or gipsyhood, is not something that needs to be wiped out for the good of humanity. Down’s syndrome is not the end of the world. In fact, for me it was the beginning of one.

I am not here to make judgments on those who have gone for termination, being unwilling to cope with something that they could not imagine. I am here to tell everybody that Eddie is my son and he’s great.

I have a life that a lot of people envy. Mostly they envy my job: I am chief sports writer of The Times, and people say: you’re going to the World Cup, you’re going to the Olympic Games, you lucky thing. Can I come? I’ll carry your bags.

I live in a nice house in the country, I keep five horses and as a family we are comfortably off. For all these things people envy me. But I have a child with Down’s syndrome and for that, people pity me. And I am here to say: wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I am not to be pitied but to be envied.

WHAT IS DOWN'S SYNDROME?

© Rix 2006

All About Us!, written and compiled by Brian Rix, is available to Times readers at a 25 per cent discount — hardback £15 (RRP £20); softback £9 (RRP £12); p&p £2.70 per book. Accessible DVD included with each copy. All proceeds to the Royal Mencap Society. Order direct from: Mencap, FREEPOST WD 3537, London EC1B 1AA, or call 0845 0770777