Want to earn mega-bucks in Manhattan? You could triple your current earnings by acquiring seven simple skills, according to the investment bankers’ website bankersball.com.

A refined knowledge of art and fine wines will help your hobnobbing no end, apparently. This familiarity with alcohol will come in handy as the rules of success require you to down copious amounts of booze and not slur or fall over.

Passable writing skills and dexterous delegation are considered necessary, as is one’s prowess with the opposite sex. Rule 4 is described as “the ability to be attractive and appealing, even if you’re not.” This, presumably, explains how you can pull while still attempting to look mature, as required by rule 7 — “glasses, style of dress and briefcases all help to project a more mature you”.

Most importantly, you must be able to conduct conversations about the merits of the 1787 Château Lafite anywhere, including mid-pee: “You must be able to keep the conversation going from the dinner table to the urinal and to dinner again,” the website advises. Presumably female bankers must be a ballsy lot.