I SUSPECT THAT there are people who enjoy Christmas shopping. Not me. But this year an idea came to me unexpectedly over a pint some time last month. An idea worked itself into a plan.

The plan is simple yet effective. It assumes that you don’t have wealthy, generous parents; that your account, while not permanently in credit, has a steady cash flow; that your children are not old enough to require designer clothes/soft-top cars etc; that your spouse/partner is understanding, supportive and still madly in love with you; and lastly, but perhaps most importantly, that you have a tiny lump sum that has survived more than one temptation (originally stashed away for, say, roof repairs or similar).

Step one: Choose an evening and book a restaurant. The best day is probably Friday. It is the end of the week and you are both exhausted. The more tired, the better. In theory that should coincide with general dissatisfaction with your job.

Step two: Have at least one drink before you begin.

Step three: Spend enough time reminiscing about the lost opportunities in your life and the constraints of your day-to-day existence. The harder you are on yourselves, the better. While you are at it, it is worth gently mentioning things you want and have always wanted, but are and always will be beyond your means.

Step four: Mention a couple (surely we all know at least one couple like this) whose regular Christmas shopping venue is Fifth Avenue in New York and whose festive season holidays are somewhere in the Caribbean.

Hopefully by now you will both be sufficiently miserable. Although it is tempting to prolong this self-indulgence, the line is very thin. Do not allow yourselves to end up drunk and truly miserable as the plan will then backfire.

Extricate yourselves from this self-induced misery by gently reminding yourselves of the following:

1 How much you love each other and how much you love your children (a kiss may be helpful).

2 How much equity you have in your house and how much the house will be worth in 30-40 years’ time.

3 The mortgage is not for ever.

4 (Again and again) how hard you’ve worked to get to where you are now.

5 You seldom, if ever, treat yourselves.