Even within the EU, borders are tricky areas, where one misplaced comment can lead to untold stress and delay. Drivers are therefore advised to memorise the following phrases, ideally with a view to avoiding all of them: Übermäßige Bürokratie (“excessive bureaucracy” — German). Bastardo perezoso (“lazy bastard” — Spanish). Dolne upodobanie do strzelany miotacz (“bottom like a shot-putter” — Polish). Supérieur (“superior” French). Peu raisonnable (“unreasonable” — French). Inutile (“unhelpful” — French). Fromage-manger le singe de reddition (“cheese-eating surrender monkey” — French).

Legal matters can also be a problem at border areas, particularly when the modern trucker finds himself in potential contravention of a local rule or custom. The following longer key phrases may prove vital:

Je vous assure, officier. Je n’ai eu aucune idée que la famille de Croatians était dans mon réservoir de carburant.

(“I assure you, officer. I had no idea that family of Croatians was in my fuel tank.” — French).

Seien Sie nicht lächerlich. Ich war unter dem Eindruck, daß jene condoms vom Zucker voll waren.

(“Don’t be ridiculous. I was under the impression that those condoms were full of sugar.” — German).

Section 2: Traffic problems

Remember above all else . . .

French — Le côté faux de la route
German — Die falsche Seite der Straße
Spanish — El lado incorrecto del camino
Polish — Nieprawidlowa strona drogi
English — The wrong side of the road.

As the experienced trucker will be aware, actual laws regarding the movement of traffic are rare in continental Europe. Nonetheless, local practices can lead to some unavoidable delays. The following key phrases are likely to be helpful:

Mon défaut entièrement, mon ami. Je simplement ne m’attendais pas à ce que vous rattrapiez autour de ce coin sans visibilité, tout en lisant un livre, à 128.75 km/h.

(“My fault entirely, my friend. I simply wasn’t expecting you to be overtaking around that blind corner, while reading a book, travelling at 80 miles an hour” — French).