REJECTION is fun only when it happens to other people (preferably live on telly). When you’re rejected — be it for a new job, a promotion or the chance to work on a big project — it hurts. While you can’t protect yourself completely from the pain of being told you’re not wanted, there are techniques that can help to prevent you becoming a serial rejectee.

1. Don’t take it personally. Job hunters are effectively sales people trying to convince employers to buy their experience and potential, and a good salesman knows that potential buyers reject offers, not people, says Colly Graham, the CEO of Salesxcellence, a sales training firm. “Say to yourself ‘they didn’t take the offer up, and that’s their loss, not mine’,” he suggests.

2. Preparation offers protection. “Many people get themselves into a self-defeating prophecy,” says Andrew McNeilis,executive director of Hudson, a recruitment company. “They see a job, think ‘I will never get that’ but bung in a standard CV without doing any research or tailoring it to the position, and hey presto, they get rejected.” Avoid this problem by researching the situation thoroughly, thinking about what the position or project requires, and making sure that your application covers this.

3. Look in the mirror. Are you aiming too high? If you are constantly being rejected — particularly if you are not getting interviews — consider the possibility that you’re overestimating your capabilities. “Are you applying for jobs that you’re not qualified to do?” Graham asks.

4. Challenge it. Sometimes candidates are turned down because potential employers want to see how they react to rejection. This is more likely with sales positions, where people are expected to know how to get past an initial no; however, you need to judge carefully whether or not to challenge, McNeilis says. “It’s not always the most appropriate thing to do.”

5. Ask for feedback. “You have to understand why a decision was made,” says Lucy McGee, a director of DDI UK, an HR consultancy. “Typically managers will make these decisions based on who they think has the relevant skills and experience.” Find out which ones you lacked.

6. . . . and learn from it. “Don’t waste time blaming others,” McNeilis says. Improve yourself.

7. Maybe it was the right decision. Recruiters want to know that you can do the job, that you will do the job, and that you will fit in. If you missed out because of a mismatch with the corporate culture, shrug your shoulders and accept that you wouldn’t have been happy working where you didn’t fit in. Equally, be honest about motivational fit, McGee says — do you really want to be a manager, or are you just looking for more money and a new challenge?

8. Talk it through. Being able to let off steam with a friend is important, McNeilis says. “There’s nothing worse than getting in a spiral of despair.” Getting an outside perspective can also help you to reassess your approach.

9. Don’t sulk if you miss that promotion. “The most irritating thing for a manager is to have someone who sulks and expects to be noticed because of it,” McGee says. “You can’t do that. There are too many people who are better at communicating what they want.”

10. Stick at it. Once you’ve refined your approach it’s simply a matter of plugging away.

FIND OUT MORE

Books about handling rejection can get a little over-focused on whether your parents loved you. Try Don’t Take It Personally! The Art of Dealing with Rejection, by Elayne Savage (£14.49 plus postage from Amazon).

Find out how employers from the Civil Service to McKinsey & Company have rejected unsuccessful candidates at lettersofrejection.com, or amuse yourself with the varied ways that publishers reject would-be writers at www.rejectioncollection.com.

www.businessballs.com approaches the question from the other side; flicking through the site’s interview section is a useful way of understanding what the person across the desk is thinking.

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