When the BRITs are screened live on television tonight, spare a thought for the director, Hamish Hamilton, and his associate and helper-in-chief, Hayley Collett.

The cocktail of hyped-up stars, red-carpet fashion, notoriously bad behaviour and unreliable rehearsals — not to mention the Osbourne family, who are presenting it — could be everyone’s favourite worst nightmare. Might someone forget his or her words? Will the programme overrun? What if the cameras focus on someone tipped to be win, and then the actual winner steps up from a different table?

These things, and worse, have happened to 41-year-old Hamish and Hayley, 36, who have directed the awards since 2001, doing it as a pre-recorded show until last year, when TV chiefs recovered from the all-too-live time when the presenter, Samantha Fox, forgot to consult her script.

“This was before our day, but we have certainly had some bad moments — although, thankfully, not at the BRITs,” says Hayley. “The worst was when Beyoncé was singing live to a backing tape that got stuck. Unfortunately, we couldn’t cut to the presenter, Christina Aguilera, who was backstage getting changed.” Gulp. What did they do? “We faded the track out and, a few expletives later, got the voice-over man to say something while we rushed Christina back on stage.”

Hayley’s job is to sort the running order, which she then shouts out, cueing Hamish and his crew split seconds in advance of the action. “The job involves huge amounts of preparation. I gather information from different sources, sort out the scripts and listen to all the music beforehand, breaking it down into bars, and making copious notes,” Hayley says.

“It’s also my job to ensure that the whole show runs to time — that’s essential, because we’re followed by News at Ten.

“My job is stressful and exciting. You never really know what will happen next: lots of things can go wrong and you have to think on your feet.

“Hamish and I work all over the world and it sounds glamorous, but the reality is that we spend most of our time in a large truck in a car park. Once, we did a Robbie Williams show at the Royal Albert Hall from the gents’ toilet.”

Hamish and Hayley, whose last job was filming Amy Winehouse for a live video clip at the Grammy Awards, have no more idea about tonight’s winners than the rest of us. Hamish is also expecting a couple of surprise elements.

“You have to have lightning fast reactions,” he says. “Once, we were doing a live show when some protesters climbed on to the stage. Unfortunately, the artist had declined to rehearse, so we didn’t know whether it was part of the act or not.”

The pair have worked together for ten years. “We communicate almost telepathically,” Hayley says. “It’s not just what we say, but the nuances in our voices. We have an ideal working relationship but you’d never put the two of us together — I’m short and a mouthy Cockney, and he’s a tall redhead from Blackpool.”

Hayley decided at 12 that she wanted to work in television. After university, she wrote to the head of BBC children’s television and landed some work experience. Hamish was training as an accountant: “I just happened to be in the college radio station when the phone rang, with someone asking if I knew anyone who could take a job at Radio Scotland. I successfully recommended myself. I’d have been a dreadful accountant.”

They have worked with many stars: “A number are incredibly difficult, rude and arrogant, but many are wonderfully accommodating and supportive,” Hamish says. “Often the ones with the least talent have the biggest egos.”

He was worked with all of tonight’s line-up, except Sir Paul McCartney, but he and Hayley have watched him rehearse.

So, will it all be all right on the night? “We love the BRITs,” Hamish says. “Of all the shows we do around the world, the BRITs is right up there. In America, hundreds of people are involved and every decision is made by committees. With the BRITs, I can have a vision of what I want to achieve, and get on with it. But it is a difficult job and I wouldn’t do it without Hayley — it would just be too stressful.”

The BRIT Awards are live tonight on ITV at 8pm

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