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In the third in a series of four edited extracts from Managing Conflict, the new book in the Lessons Learned series from Harvard Business School Press and Fifty Lessons, William Ury, one of the world's foremost experts in negotiation, talks about the art of self-control.
LESSON SUMMARY POINTS:
1. When negotiations become explosive, keep your cool. Remember why you’re there.
2. Instead of reacting, allow the other party to react. Give them the chance to vent their anger and eventually calm down.
3. There is nothing to gained by becoming defensive or by responding in a similarly unprofessional manner.
4. When tempers cool, use this as your opening to focus on the issue at hand.
5. Only by not reacting and keeping your objectives at the forefront will you be able to advance your interests.
This article is by extracted from the latest book in the Lessons Learned series, Managing Conflict; Copyright (c) 2007 Fifty Lessons Limited; All Rights Reserved. For more on the series see www.fiftylessons.com
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Excellent advice. I have been in some tricky situations having been sworn at and verbally abused but by not reacting of retreating the situation has very quickly swung round in my direction to my benefit. A part from getting the payments I've needed I've also gained trust and apologies. It seems to be that people test one with anger by throwing every emotion at one befor sinking back into a chair of normality and becoming rational.
NB, London, UK