How does the polite gentleman cope with his mobile phone ringing in public?

James Greene, Sudbury, Suffolk

Mobilephones are new gimmicks and our manners in dealing with them are inchoate. But already the polite gent switches off his phone at a concert or theatre, in a restaurant, at meetings, or during serious conversations. The latest gizmos attract the the owners' attention by throbbing rather than making a noise, so reducing their public nuisance. The gent does not talk into his little tin god in public, inflicting his piffling conversations on others.

My girlfriend criticises the way that I hold my knife. It seems natural to my style. What can I do?

Jamie Drury, Chester

I suppose that you are holding it as we would hold a ballpoint pen. A bit of snobbery comes into table manners. Oddly enough, holding a knife like a pencil is the “correct” way to hold a fish knife, a piece of cutlery seldom seen these days. When in Chester, eat as polite Chester does, and avoid alarming your table companions. I should learn to hold my knife the way that my girlfriend approves, unless you are determined to be a thrawn rebel at the table.

What is the correct way to eat oysters, please?

Charlie Raphael, Battersea

Praise the Lord and pass the tabasco. Pick up the shell by the narrow end and support it underneath with your other fingers. Hold the wide part of the shell to your mouth without losing the juice. Simply drink the oyster from its shell, making sure to take the first one neat. Put the empty shell back on the ice. After that you may anoint the others with lemon, cayenne pepper, shallot vinegar or tabasco sauce.

Oysters used to be a staple in the diet of the poor, and Samuel Johnson used to buy them for his cat Hodge, in order not to humiliate his black servant, Frank Barber, by making him shop for a pussy.

What is the correct etiquette for drinking toasts after dinner?

Bill Lane, Tooting

Depends on the occasion, the dinner and the toast. At a formal dinner, the chairman (toastmaster, vice-chairman) proposes the toast. “Gentlemen, Her Majesty the Queen”, say. After the loyal toast, it used to become acceptable to smoke. No longer. Other toasts may follow. You stand up, and murmur the name of the toastee, sotto voce, in the self-effacing Anglican way of making responses in church. On no account clink glasses; this is saloon-bar behaviour. And do not say “cheers”. Foreigners think that the British say “cheers” incontinently; this is not so.

What can I do about my trousers? I wear braces with little snapper grips, but these continually break, or come unstuck. So I have to hold my trousers up.

A.J.J., Cheltenham

Old-fashioned braces with button-holes instead of clips still exist, but you have to get buttons on your trousers. These too can come unstuck. There is no security in trousers, or in life generally. Perhaps we should revert to the toga.

What would have been the polite way to explain to my hostess at dinner that I do not eat fish?

A.R., Nottingham

Parsley-sauced Poseidon! Is your distaste animal, medical or optional? You should have warned your hostess in advance of your unfortunate condition. In these days of self-indulgent faddism, a scrupulous hostess should ask about dietary requirements in advance. But if you arrive for dinner and find whitebait or Dover sole smiling up at you from your plate, the polite reaction is to grin and bone it, since you have accepted an invitation to dinner.

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