While staying at an hotel over new year I got into the habit of having a club sandwich and a glass of wine for luncheon. As a seasoned traveller in my 80th year, I can manage a glass of wine, but I have never discovered an elegant way of eating a club sandwich. I can open my mouth like a young hippopotamus and take a bite, or attack it with a knife and fork, resulting in something that looks less than appetising. I would welcome any suggestions, please.
John Ellis, Bromley

Blessed Apicius, Lord of the Celebrity Chefs! The club sandwich is the Everest of edibles, it was not invented for polite eaters. There is no solution to your question. However you approach the problem, you are in danger of getting mayo on your tie and chicken in your hair. I should go for something simpler to eat, such as spag bol or Caesar salad.

Is it obligatory to reply to unsolicited e-mails?
Justin Watson, Edinburgh

Good grief, no! E-mails can be a curse, they have opened our doors to mad, bad and sad idiots who have nothing better to do than to offer to enlarge our penises .I reply to useful e-mails and I try to reply to sane e-mails. The Einsteins at the office provide an aegis to protect me from the obvious loonies. I reply to e-mails from friends, however trivial. The trash I spike with a curse and a groan.

Do you eat spaghetti bolognese with a knife and fork? Similarly, one often does not bother with a spoon for many desserts. I was taught never to use a spoon alone, except for soup or a small spoon for mousses and the like, but even that seems unnecessarily restrictive.
Oliver Dickinson, Pastaville

Pasta pros (Italians) are adept at holding their forks in their right hands, and twirling spag into a nest. The safer British way is to use a spoon as a safety net beneath the nest of twirled spag. To use a spoon alone (except for soup) is deemed Charlie by Arbiters of Manners.

I have been invited to a dinner where the dress code is black tie. Can you please explain what I am supposed to wear? What are the other dress codes? I am afraid my education in these matters is sadly lacking.
Chris Southcombe, Burnham-on-Crouch

Black tie signals shorthand for dinner jacket for chaps (tuxedo, white DJ marginal — and only in the tropics). A black tie is infinitely preferable to a bow-tie in sporting or other Charlie colours. Evening dress indicates the full soup-and-fish, white tie, starched shirt and trimmings. Gels know what to wear by osmosis. In this weather long skirts and velvet tops. No dress code indicated means ring a friend to consult. For men it is de rigueur to wear kit indistinguishable from the other chaps. For gels, the opposite.

What is the polite way to chew gum?
George Patrick, Belfast

Sacred Silenus, King of the Chompers! That is like asking what is the discreet way to walk naked down the high street. To chew gum politely is an oxymoron. If you must chew gum, do so in private. The rule is the same for all munching in public. Why should you inflict your animal appetites on the innocent public? Wear a mask.