At drinks after a schoolfriend’s funeral, another OB was rude and loud — in particular, he told a string of risqué stories about the dear departed. In the event of my predeceasing him, how do I ensure his non-attendance at the subsequent festivities?
— Kenneth Chisholm, Oban

You must do your best to outlive your crass old school donkey. It is conceivable that the heightened emotion of the funeral occasion made him behave badly. But, if you go first and he does turn up for your obsequies, look down (or up) with tolerance from wherever you are. The best way to counter the sad, bad, mad behaviour of others is with stoical autonomy and a cynical smile.

Our long-standing friend, a divorcée, has a new partner whom my wife and I both find, at best, irritating and, at worst, rude. Meeting up is not the enjoyable occasion it once was as he is always present. At the risk of ruining this friendship, should we see her less frequently, be honest with her in the hope that she will still wish to meet up on her own, or grin and bear it?
— Roger Creswell, Stamford

This is a common problem. It is a question of civility more than manners. It depends. Very difficult to tell your friend that you can’t stick her new boyfriend. I should be inclined to stick with my friend and try to civilise her beau (wonderfully old-fashioned term). We need all the friends we can get on our short cruise on this Ship of Fools, even if they bring irritating companions.

I find it rather rude and patronising of The Times to just use “Bryson”. The first time you refer to him you do use his forename but then twice it is just Bryson — surely he deserves the courtesy of a title. I would add that he is an American trying to clean up our filthy island. Is this purely style? I note that you do not use the surname only when referring to the next leader in the Italian elections.
— Anthony Roberts, Shoreham-by-Sea

Old-fashioned Times style ordained that everybody except convicted criminals and footballers were due the handle of Mr, Mrs, Miss or then Ms in front of their surnames. Modern Manners have widened to include honorific-free actors, writers and even journos. You could say that to use the surname of a well-known person tout court is a mark of familiarity and affection. Or you could say that you have an old-fashioned point.

Now that so much wine comes in bottles with screw caps instead of corks, does one describe a wine with an off-taste as capped or screwed?
— Barry Jones, Witney

A clever vinous neologism, Sir. Brillat-Savarin would applaud. Though I dare say that Brillat- Savarin would persist on drinking wine with corks for a century yet, deeming screwtops to be a nasty modern innovation. Brillat-Savarin was brilliant but conservative. I like cork. The petty ritual of uncorking and inspecting and sniffing adds to the suspense of glugging good wine. And screwtops have destroyed the livelihood of the poor cork farmers of Portugal.

I am a 48-year-old divorcé, and have been seeing a 45-year-old woman since August. It would not surprise me if we married in two or three years, but no actual discussion on that issue has taken place. My mother would like to send her a birthday card. How would you suggest she signs the card?
— Ken Demont, Manchester

Depends on how well they know each other. Either, “Anne Demont (Ken’s mother)” or, “Love, Anne”. The terms of the signature do not matter as much as the warmth and affection of the birthday card.