It is a humbling experience to meet the men, young and old, who have won the Victoria Cross or the George Cross, the highest awards for gallantry.

Yet Didy Grahame, in her capacity as secretary of the Victoria Cross and George Cross Association, has had the privilege of looking after them for nearly 40 years. At the moment, she is busily planning the next gathering of members, who will next meet at a service to mark the passing of the First World War generation at Westminster Abbey on November 11.

Her London office is a garrett stuffed with VC and GC memorabilia: shelves of photo albums and historic pictures on the walls. The room can be reached only by climbing two and a half flights of stairs in a building in Horse Guards. Most of her visitors manage the stairs, and once inside there is an atmosphere of hushed confidences. Conversations take place from the comfort of old-fashioned leather armchairs. To the outside world, the holders of the VC, awarded for outstanding bravery under enemy fire, and the GC, for supreme gallantry where enemy action is not involved, are special people. But they usually come into public view only when they attend commemoration services or take part in some charity event.

However, for Mrs Grahame, the unique association is a lifelong devotion. The members, whatever their past and varied personalities, come to value the one common denominator that binds them together for ever. Whatever age they are — it ranges from the twenties to the nineties — there is a sense of eternal comradeship, not just among themselves but also with the hundreds of VC and GC holders who put their lives in the gravest danger for the sake of others over so many decades. The garrett in Horse Guards is their personal and private club. Mrs Grahame, who is the daughter of an admiral, has been secretary since 1970. The association, founded in 1956, also keeps in close touch with the widows of VC and GC holders to ensure that they are kept firmly within the family.

Mrs Grahame is looking forward to meeting the latest member of the club for the first time. Trooper Mark Donaldson, VC, of the Australian Special Air Service (SAS), saved the lives of wounded colleagues under heavy fire from the Taleban in Afghanistan in September last year. He will be attending the Westminster Abbey service on November 11. “We’ll have a lunch party for him,” Mrs Grahame says.

There are nine VC survivors out of the 1,358 awarded since the Victoria Cross was instituted in 1856; and 21 living GC holders out of 404 awarded since its institution in 1940.

The youngest VC holders are Lance Corporal Johnson Beharry, 30, and Trooper Donaldson, also 30. Lance Corporal Beharry, of the 1st Battalion The Princess of Wales’s Royal Regiment, was severely injured when he rescued comrades in two separate ambushes in Iraq in 2004. He was born in Grenada and is still serving in the Army, working on recruitment.

The youngest GC holders are both 25. The former Lance Corporal of Horse Christopher Finney, of the Blues and Royals, was decorated for saving lives during a friendly-fire incident in Iraq when he was only 18. He has left the Army and now works in an insurance company. Lance Corporal Matthew Croucher, a Royal Marine reservist, threw himself on a Taleban booby-trapped grenade to save his comrades in Afghanistan last year.

The oldest holders are Rifleman Lachhiman Gurung, VC, 91, who made a solo stand against 200 Japanese troops during the Second World War, and Charles Walker, GC, now 95, who was a petty officer with the Royal Navy, was involved in a dramatic rescue during a convoy to Malta in 1942.

“The association provides a focal point for members, which they can come to if they need assistance in the broadest sense,” says Mrs Grahame. She observes that the holders are very protective towards each other. “There’s a huge warmth and I’ve noticed that when a new young member arrives, someone older automatically steps forward to look after him.

“They never regret what they have done but being awarded a VC or GC is a heavy load to carry. It’s a life-changer.” To underline the change to his life, Lance Corporal Beharry had his back tattooed with a VC, and a forearm tattooed with an image of his grandmother. “They represent the two most important influences in his life,” Mrs Grahame explains.