There are no formal rules of etiquette about what to do with a wedding ring that has become surplus to requirements in the hurly-burly of modern life. The ring is a symbol of eternity, and its has been used symbolically in marriages for 30 centuries. But when a marriage has failed to last for life, let alone eternity, it is absurd to wear two wedding rings.

There was a strong prejudice against wedding rings for centuries. In its early days, the Church of Scotland did not make provision for wedding rings in its liturgy. And the Puritans in Cromwell's time thought of rings as Popish relics and attempted to abolish their use. The custom of wearing a wedding ring continuously is of modern origin, and some brides in the past were bequeathed their rings by their mothers or mothers-in-law.

I reckon that the disposal of defunct wedding (and engagement) rings is a matter to be decided by the parties privately in, if possible, a friendly and generous manner. You can hardly recycle an expired wedding ring. That would be cynical (and economical). My inclination (wet, I agree) would be not to raise the matter, unless the ex asked for his ring back. In which case I should let him have it.

I recently took employment in the US without a visa. I came as a tourist to work in a domestic setting, teaching a child English and doing a little housework. We had an informal agreement drafted that I work only 30 hours, but since I have been here the family have not honoured this. I now wish to leave and go home early. However, I want to do this in a way that will not make them angry or offended. Is there anything you can suggest? Name and address withheld

Dodgy and dangerous to take on work in the States without a visa. But since your "employment" is informal, and since they have not been honouring their side of the agreement, you are not legally bound to stick to your side of the agreement.

Did your "employers" pay for your passage to the US? If so you have a moral obligation to repay some of it. The best that you can do in the circs is to explain to them as gently as possible that things have not worked out, and that you want to go home. Bad luck on them. Bad luck on the child. Bad luck on you. If they are decent, they should not be angry or offended. But if they are, so be it. It is in nobody's interest (least of all the child's) that you should be kept there as a reluctant slave, as Jacob was for Laban. Honesty and courage are the way out of the hole you have dug for yourself.

I would like to know how to address a woman who has achieved a PhD in nursing and a man who has achieved a PhD in marine biology. Is it correct to address them verbally as Dr? Also, when addressing letters and envelopes, does one address Dr for both? Name and address withheld

Find out how they wish to be addressed. It is polite to address people in the way that they wish, both face to face and on envelopes. (Provided that they do not ask to be addressed as Napoleon or God.) There are many doctorates around these days. I normally address only medical practitioners (never surgeons) as Dr. And perhaps as a compliment to young persons who are excited to have just completed their PhDs. Find out how your acquaintances wish to be addressed, and do so. But in the absence of any intimations or velleities from them, I should stick to Mr and Ms/Miss/Mrs. People address each other by their first names as soon as they meet these days.

I have a double-barrelled first name - John-Joseph - and am known as JJ. Some people, especially older people, are reluctant to call me JJ, thinking it too familiar. They ask what it stands for, and when I tell them, they invariably call me John. John-Joseph seems too hard for them to say. The same happens if I have to give my name on the telephone or in a shop. Is there any polite way of ensuring that people call me by my proper name? Should I grin and bear it? Am I being unreasonable in getting irritated? John-Joseph Maley, Edinburgh

Well, there is not much future in getting irritated. All you can do is carry on, patiently and with good humour, explaining to friends, acquaintances and shop assistants that your name is John-Joseph, double-barrelled. And that is what you like to be called. You are lucky to have an unusual name, in this country. Most British are pretty conservative and unimaginative about nomenclature. Double barrelled names are far more common in Roman Catholic countries. Remember Dame Edna Everage: "Marie-Joseph? It's a LOVELY name. It just sounds silly, that's all."

What is the correct way to eat penne? Must one pierce them with the fork, or is it OK to pick them up by inserting the teeth of the fork in their hole? I find the latter much easier, although I think it looks rather funny. Caroline Smith, London

In eating pasta ease beats starched etiquette every time. Delicious penne, in Italian means literally quills (of feathers). The conventional method of ingesting is to spear the little tubes with diagonally cut ends with your fork, and then convey them to mouth. But if you find it easier to lasso them by spiking the tines of your fork in their hole, I should carry on up the tube. The main thing is to do it tidily, without drawing attention to your eating, or letting them drop on your neighbour.