What is the correct way to answer the telephone? I normally just say 'hello'. My father announces his name. My mother reads out the number. Hyacinth in Keeping Up Appearances says 'Bucket residence. The lady of the house speaking....' Who is right? Chris Harris, Reading

Not a matter of right or wrong, but of being as helpful as possible. IE, polite. Simple souls assume that we must know who they are as soon as they open their mouths, or that we number only one Elisabeth or Tom in our acquaintance. The official way to answer the phone (I think) is to state the telephone number, like your mother. This enabled the caller from an old phone box to press button B and retrieve his money, if he had dialled the wrong number. Well, those days are gone. To say merely “Hello” is not very helpful, except to friends who instantly recognise your voice. In the office, I say my name. In these days of incessant, intrusive cold calling by strangers asserting (disingenuously) that you have been selected for a luxury cruise or double-glazing, you should give away as little as possible apart from your telephone number. And then be firm but polite to the poor brutes. The telephone is a (sometimes) useful tool, not a little plastic god, as those speaking non-stop into their mobiles as they walk down the street imagine. Daft deluded pagans.

Is it polite for a man always to give up his seat to a lady? Peter Drury, Colchester

In principle it is good manners to give up your seat to those whose need is greater than yours, whatever their sex. This is the Philip Sidney example. He gave up his water-bottle to a dying soldier on the battle-field of Zutphen, 1586, saying: "Thy necessity is yet greater than mine."

On the less momentous battle-field of the rush hour, this is not always easy, and can be problematic. Women are just as strong and capable as men (more so), and some of them resent being patronised by patriarchs. I resolve the problem by not taking a seat, but wedging myself upright in a corner, to do The Times crossword. Play it by seat. And be generous.

How can I politely refuse an invitation to dinner with our neighbours. I do not want to get on such intimate terms with them. S.J., Cardiff

That sounds to me a bit lone and grumpy Eeyore. We are not bound to be close friends with our neighbours. But to be on good terms with them helps to smooth the hurly burly of life. I should swallow my solipsism and accept, and go along determined to be cheerful and have a good time. But we are not upon oath in refusing invitations. Absolute honesty would be gauche and rude. You do not say: "I would rather emigrate to Saudi Arabia than have dinner with you." You say: "So kind. So sorry. But we have a long-standing family engagement that we have to perform on that evening." Make sure that you remain out of sight that night. And this may not stop your friendly neighour inviting you again. Much simpler to become a sociable neighbour, and accept.

What should a man wear to the opera? I have never been before and was wondering whether black tie would be appropriate - or perhaps be seen as a little OTT? Duncan B., Faversham

Depends a bit on the opera and the house. And the seats. At Covent Garden or Bayreuth you will be in good company in black tie in the stalls or dress circle. There will be even more exotic costumes there, of white tie and tails, opera cloaks and opera hats. They might seem a bit OTT at the ENO. But I have seen black ties there. To dress up is a compliment to the musicians, the artists and the art. Opera is an elite art form that can be enjoyed by anybody who loves music and drama. Let us not be afraid of being thought snobs. Wear your DJ with modest pride in the occasion, if it suits you to do so. But, in any case, dress up well to honour the occasion.

My neighbour's dog keeps getting into our garden and leaving lots of little "presents" on our lawn. I have spoken to him once about this (the neighbour, not the dog), but he gruffly said there was nothing he could do. One day I was so incensed I threw the mess over the fence and into his garden. How can I insist that his pet is not welcome on our property? Derek Sanders, Gloucester

You can’t really, without falling into Neighbour Rage, which is worse even than dog excrement. There are chemical sprays that discourage dogs. I am told that lion’s faeces are a strong disincentive, but this is expensive to procure unless you have a friend at the zoo. I doubt whether you should throw things or fire pellets at the dog. It would be excessive to get your own Jack Russell or Rottweiler as a counter-pooper. To throw the dog poo back over the fence merely ratchets up the mess. I once tried to throw a bucket of water over a trespassing cat, and succeeded only in bringing down the curtains. You have had a quiet word with your gruff neighboiur, and it has done no good. I fear that the saintly (wimpish) recourse left is to do as you have done, and clear up the mess yourself. Our world is full of selfish mess-makers. Let us set them a St Francis example. And get on with life.

I was invited to a friend's for dinner and duly accepted. This morning I received an email giving directions etc to all the guests attending. To my horror, I noticed my ex has also been invited. We split acrimoniously a year ago and I haven't seen him since. Obviously I would like to get out of it, but it is difficult because my friend works in the same organisation as me, so saying I am ill will not wash. Should I just go along and grit my teeth? SG, London