I play veteran golf at my local club with acquaintances. I am sure that one of them is economical in counting his bad strokes in the bushes. What should I do about it?

I. R. L., Kilmarnock

Shoot him/her? Take up croquet? Knitting? This may sound like blasphemy and heresy, but Gowf is only a game (the best game?). Never play golf for more than token money. It is not a matter of life and death. Choose not to play with brazen cheats. Always count all your own strokes scrupulously, not calling bishes as practice swings. Have you ever tried the variation: “Nice shot; play it again”? And “The Portuguese caddy”? In the latter, once during the round you are allowed to kick your opponent’s ball as hard as you like in any direction. Gowf is a game. Play it for fun.

I have arthritis in my hands, and a hearty handshake can be extremely painful. How can I avoid shaking hands without appearing standoffish or a hypochondriac?

Thomas Baldwin, Croydon

Cultivate the Indian Namaste salutation, with hands clasped facing each other and a bob of the head? Or the Japanese greeting, with a deep bow? The hearty British handshake is a local demonstration of machismo. What matters is the smile, and the appearance of being pleased to meet the other party.

Is it low-life bad manners to spit? I find it disgusting when I observe it.

Alan Abbott, Liverpool

It has become the height of bad manners to spit. Football refs treat spitting as worse than punching. This may be partly prudential because of fear of tuberculosis. Injunctions against spitting shift down the ages. For example, German, 15th century: “Do not spit across the table as hunters do.” 1859, English: “Spitting is at all times a disgusting habit.” “No spitting” notices were retained on London buses until the 1960s. By that time some rock groups were urging their fans to spit as a sign of social defiance. Spitting may yet return to respectability.

What is the polite way to blow one’s nose in public?

R. I. L., Colchester

Discreetly, neatly, tidily, quietly, preferably in private, and without inspecting the snotsam in one’s hanky. Our modern passion for hygiene and health have made public hooter-blowing antisocial. Manners have changed. They always have and they always will. Note the medieval Miss Manners injunction: “Don’t blow your nose with the fingers you hold the meat with.” And what about: “If you have to scrape \ your throat, do so politely with your coat”? Eh?

What is the correct greeting to a co-worker you know faintly, but whose name you have forgotten?

Robbie Davies, Crewe

Formal: “Good-morning.” Woosterish: “What ho! What ho! Old Bean.” Juvenile: “Hiya!” Anally retentive: “Errm, mumble, mumble.” Postmodern ironic: “G’day.”

I have no next of kin. How do I respond to people with no topic of conversation but their progeny. Should I shock by using a conversation stopper?

Ida Staples, Houghton

Why not, provided that it is a witty conversation stopper? For some people the most important (only) achievement in their lives is to have propagated. So it becomes their sole topic of conversation. But do not let them irritate us. The Stoic endures their childish prattle with a carapace of friendly interest.