Is it least irritating to other swimmers to be the fastest swimmer in the slow lane or the slowest swimmer in the fast lane?

C. Richardson, Boxted

Silver-footed Thetis, Goddess of the Municipal Pool! Being a water deity, she can pass in the flash of a flipper with no bother. The rest of us should try to judge our performance to the most appropriate lane. The pool is the place for Platonic idealism and Epicurean enjoyment, not Stoical endurance.

I share a large office with 23 people in my team. One of the team is a recycling fanatic. While I agree with the concept of recycling, I like my own space. My colleague roots through my bin to check that I am not missing any opportunities to recycle. Last week she put three empty cans on my desk which she had extracted from my bin. What can I do to curb her zeal?

Sylvia Simpson, Bournemouth

I don’t think that you can or should. One’s waste bin is one’s personal property, but it is not a private place. What is in it should be by definition useless rubbish. I would be careful never to put any incriminating evidence in it. Of course, she has no business to go through your wagger-pagger-bagger. But she does not do you much harm. We must put up with the eccentricities of our colleagues in the hope that they will put up with ours.

How does one persuade utilities, government agencies, businesses, travel companies, manufacturers and local authorities to respond to e-mail inquiries?

Fed Up of Stalybridge

Persistence? Bloody-mindedness? The e-mail has empowered us all to communicate faster, more often and cheaply. But it has also vastly increased the work of those who answer e-mails. Pity the poor recipients standing under Niagara.

My neighbour at work is a greedy curry-eater. And, to be blunt, he smells. It upsets me. How can I cure his smell without offending him?

Margaret Bower, Leeds

You can’t. Part of working in an office is having to put up with smells and behaviour that we would not tolerate at home, in the hope that our colleagues will put up with our own abnormalities. Wear a pungent perfume. Have flowers on your desk. Cultivate stoicism. If the curry smell is intolerable, this is a matter for your manager, not you.

What is the polite way to refuse an invitation?

Reg Dartmouth, Bexhill

This is an occasion when a lie is an act of good manners. Economy with the truth is needed, in order not to appear ungrateful. Formal: “Reginald Dartmouth thanks the Duchess of Omnium for her generous invitation, but deeply regrets that he cannot accept, because of a previous indissoluble duty.” Informal: “Maggie: Thanks tons for the invite. I can’t, dammit. Duty calls me elsewhere.”

How did the word “toilet” come to mean lavatory? Why has society become pseudo-refined in some ways when it is so coarse in others?

Ida Staples, Houghton

The name for the necessary room is a notorious bog of euphemism, genteelism, snobbery, coyness and allusion. The word chosen is a powerful class indicator. Toilet is widely scorned as lower middle class. Gents and ladies are pretty neutral. Heads is US and naval. Many euphemisms are silly. Hostess to visiting Texan as she opens the door to him: “Would you like to wash your hands?” Texan: “No, thank you, Ma’am. I just washed them on your rosebed.”