The man in the flat above us plays his guitar, sings, and plays recorded music very loud at up to 3 in the morning. This wakes and infuriates me. How can I shut him up?

Will Mortimer, Sheffield

With tact. With cunning. With civility. At least let us try these. We do not want to get into a flat war. Do not let your fury show. Communal living in our crowded cities requires mutual tolerance. Invite your noisy neighbour for alpha drinks or tea, and explain your sleeplessness. Humorously, gently, self-deprecatingly. If that doesn't work, this ratchets up the problem to the committee of the flats, the landlord, the council, the law. But don’t let’s go there unless we have to.

I have resisted commenting but I can’t resist any longer. I cannot believe there are people out there who fret over the things they do. What age do they think they are living in? Or obviously their lives are so banal, or they are so anal (yes same word minus a letter). They need to get a life — seriously! Oh well, I suppose it keeps you in a job!

Amy Chan, London Metropolitan University

“Homo sum: humani nil a me alienum puto.” I’m a man: nothing human is alien to me. So Cicero quotes Terence in De Officiis. there’s nowt so queer as folk. Some people collect plane numbers. Others support Manchester United. Let us not sneer at the poor fools. Otherwise they may sneer at the bees in our bonnets. These questions are as much about civility (a neglected art) as about Etiket.

I live a long way from many friends and family and often communicate through letter. I enjoy letter-writing and sometimes write at great length. How can I make it clear in my letters to friends that a reply would be welcome, but is by no means necessary?

Emily Suzhou, China

By Richardson and Jane, what a thoroughly good egg you are. Letter-writing is an ancient and amiable art that is moribund. People use texting, e-mails and mobiles, which are more immediate but not so expressive. A good letter is a golden link and an ancient genre of literature. Do not be discouraged by non-repliers. Carry on sending them your news and views, but do not pester them with questions. This could sound querulous. The good letter-writer pours out her life and thoughts without expecting any reply. You are setting your friends and family a generous example of your love and care.

Is it chav, naff or otherwise unacceptable to use table napkins? I have a new friend who never offers them when we lunch with her. When I found the courage to ask why, she was very surprised and said she would not dream of doing such a thing. We now take paper tissues to catch the occasional dollop of soup, but surely it is more civilised to provide the necessary napery?

Gillian Wilson, Winchester

It is not in the least naff to provide napkins. These descendants of the baby bib are still polite, and most would say necessary, items of the dinner table. It is customary to spread them on your lap, and use them to protect your clothes from spillages and to dab your mouth and wipe your fingers. It is deemed gross, in southern England, to tuck the napkin into your collar, unless you are eating spaghetti. Table snobbery is charming, provided that you do not take it seriously. Take your own napkins. Probably not a plastic baby bib with a pocket at the bottom to catch spills.