How should one blow one’s nose in public politely?

Peter Barber, Brighton

With a red spotted handkerchief (not fingers). Discreetly, not like a trumpet. Not spraying bystanders. Turning away. Not spreading alarm of flu. Preferably done in private. The golden rule of Etiket is not to cause distress or disgust to our fellow tourists on this Ship of Fools.

Is it polite Etiket to reply to Christmas cards?

Jim Watson

Well, yes, as a general principle. But not to glossy ones from PR and advertising companies. Choose cheap and cheerful cards from Oxfam, or some other worthy charity. If you must string them up across the room, put them at a height or location where they will not garotte tall visitors. Opinion is divided about whether Christians should pick robins and stagecoaches rather than Christian icons, to respect the sensibilities of non-Christians. Christmas is a Christian festival as well as Bacchanal Saturnalia. There should be no offence to anyone in herald angels or babes in mangers.

Sir, your views please on the use of toothpicks at the dinner table. I always use them, but SWMBO (She Who Must Be Obeyed) insists that I leave the table to attend to my oral ministrations. Surely, if such implements are provided, it is perfectly OK to make use of them without having to leave the post-meal banter?

Tony Mouncer, Feltham

Hairy Hercules! Lord of the tooth club. There is logic in your proposition that since toothpicks are provided, it must be OK to use them at the table. But I should avoid major dental probing in public. I should conceal my toothpicking behind my napkin or retire to pick my teeth. It is always prudent (as well as polite) to obey SWMBO.

My wife and I received a letter recently from a friend of more than 30 years: “On the subject of Christmas, would you mind if I asked you not to go to the expense of shopping for us. A card and your very best wishes would suit us well.” Do our friends believe that we can no longer afford to buy them a present (not the case), or that they cannot afford to reciprocate and send us one (possibly true), or that they simply do not wish to send us one? We already have a present for them. Should we send it anyway, ask for an explanation, or silently respect their wishes?

C. H., High Wycombe

Bountiful Benedict, Patron of Savers and Speleology. Give them your present, explaining that you have already bought it. Do not question the sudden urge for thrift of your friends. They may be conforming to a national need to tighten belts after our Age of Extravagance. Ours not to reason why — ours just to cease to buy. There is more to friendship and Christmas than the ritual exchange of presents.

What is the politest way to tell acquaintances at social gatherings that it is very annoying to speak loudly about themselves, their families and their interests without letting other people get a look in?

Ms AnonyMoses, Hemel Hempstead

Ear muffs? Selective deafness? I fear that cocktail parties and other social gatherings entail deafening, egocentric yelling. Noisy bores are pandemic. We must avoid being one ourselves. We must smile sweetly and listen patiently. And when (if) we get a word in, try to be entertaining, witty, sympathetic and interesting.