I was at a football match recently and was astonished at spectators booing during the opposing team’s national anthem. I told them to “shut up” but to no effect. What is the appropriate conduct in such a situation? How can I dissociate myself from these boors?
David Null, Claremont, California

It is, indeed, bad manners, unsporting and moronic to boo the national anthem of the opposition at a footy match. But it happens. One does not go to football to associate with polite society. But if the behaviour that we deplore be thus irresistible, what remains but to acquiesce with silence, as in the other insurmountable distresses of humanity? Other nations do not respect their national anthems as proudly as Americans do. You were brave to reprove the yobs. It was the best that you could do.

I know that this is late, but any suggestions for a new year resolution?
I. P. C., Bournemouth

It is natural to think of new beginnings at the start of a new year. It is our annual triumph of hope over experience. The most realistic new year’s resolution is Winston Churchill’s: KBO.

What is the financial responsibility of a father on the occasion of his daughter’s second wedding?
Michael Thomson, London W5

The former convention was that the bride’s parents paid the expenses of the wedding; whereas the groom paid for some specified costs such as the vicar’s fee, bridesmaids’ frocks or flowers for the ushers. In these more egalitarian times, both families chip in, or the bride (who is now allowed to earn her living) and groom pay for their wedding themselves. The father of the bride has no financial obligation to pay for his daughter’s second wedding. But all we fathers have a moral, social and tribal responsibility to help our daughters through the obstacle race of life.

What is the correct way to respond to a colleague who is continually sarcastic?
Paula Jones, Wolverhampton

The answer depends on the circs and the colleague. The best response is often what a former Foreign Secretary described as “total ignoral”. Sometimes one can think of a witty riposte, usually, by l’esprit d’escalier, too late. But there is no point in entering into a contest of bitchiness. Think of the inner demons that drive your colleague, and pity her / him.

One of my best friends, who has known me for more than a quarter of a century, says I am too honest for my own good. How can this be?
Paul Simpson, Bournemouth

He probably means that you are blunt and have no tact. If we were absolutely honest all the time, the world would be an unkinder place than it already is. Good manners of social intercourse entail occasional white lies and economy with the truth. In other words, we should consider the sensitivities of others before we speak. To say exactly what one thinks on every occasion is as rude as barging down the pavement like a tank on the rampage, with no consideration for other pedestrians.

Following your correspondent’s question as to how he/she should respond to “You all right there?”, how should one respond to the hovering flight attendant’s “tea-a-tall?”
David Thomas, Upper Basildon

If we want more formal service, we should fly by a more formal airline. If we find ourselves in tea-at-all-at-all company, we should react to it with a Stoic smile, and go for tea. Or be Epicurean, and go for champagne.