My friend was away at the weekend, and asked his flatmates not to let guests into his room. He placed clean laundry on the bed as a deterrent. On his return, he found that his bed had been very obviously slept in. He is very upset. What would be the best way to broach this with his flatmates?

Hannah Brownlee, Anonywhere

Directly, I should think, depending on his relations with his flatmates. “What Ho! Faba Vetus. Somebody has been sleeping in my bed, and probably eating my porridge. I directly asked you not to allow this. What were you thinking of?” But there is no point in crying over spoilt bedclothes. We are frail humans, not three bears: “Who’s been sleeping in my bed?” Look forward, not back. If your friend intends to carry on in his flat, fit his room with a lock or bolt.

Could you confirm that there are two ways of spelling etiquette, as I have not been aware of etiket until I read your column?

Claire Lamming, Norwich

Etiquette is the correct spelling, from the French. It means a prescribed or conventional code of behaviour. It was brought into English in the 18th century by Chesterfield and Walpole. Hence the Italian “etichetta” and the Spanish “etiqueta”, the primary sense of which is represented by “ticket”. The Old French “estiquette” means chiefly “soldier’s billet for lodging”. The history of the development in French from “lael” to “prescribed routine” is not clear. Etiket is a Molesworth schoolboy joke of bad spelling played in this column. Childish, n’est-ce pas?

Visiting friends of my son’s, whom I’d not met before, in hot weather and wearing no socks or tights, I was dismayed to be asked to remove my shoes. My feet get me about more than adequately, but they are hideous: gnarled, humpy and bumpy, and nobody gets to see them; I choose sandals carefully to cover them. Acquiescing politely, I spent the visit uncomfortably, with my legs curled “cutely” under me in an armchair, aware of the perfect feet of the rest. Approaching 70 at the time, what should I have done? Other than moan at my son afterwards?

Jenny Mayhew, Inverness

You handled a slippery situation with dignity and decorum. It was impertinent of your hosts to insist on you taking your shoes off without at least providing slippers. Do not be ashamed of your feet. All feet are absurd appendages if you examine them with a cold eye. I should not have moaned to my son afterwards. That was making a mountain out of a toe-hill.

How do you solve the problem of not knowing who has sent you what present?

Judy Heffernan, Hungarton

Method, discipline and keeping lists in the hurly-burly of unpacking parcels. Consummations devoutly to be wished. But, alas, they escape us. Let us resolve to do better this year. Open slowly, and use a notebook to record the presents and givers.

The mother of my godchild rings me twice a year on my godson’s birthday and Christmas to remind me to give him a present. This irritates me. I want to treat both her children equally.

J. H. N. H., Leicester

Do not let the materialism of your friend disrupt the even passage of your life. As a godparent your primary duty is to ensure that your godson is lovingly brought up in the Christian religion. Annual presents are accessories. Get to know your little boy, and teach him to be less greedy than his mum.