1) Nuptial nerves

Why is it invariably the chaps taking a tumble? The weight of their mullets, perhaps?

2) It's close to midnight

Tell me the lead dancer is the best man rather than the groom because a) he is rather upstaging the bride and b) that high-kicking so ain't saying straight. Meanwhile, the woman in cornflower blue - isn't her ghoulishness just that little bit too convincing? Somebody call a priest.

3) Bridal wig-out

Okay, she's probably an actress, and the silent movie inserts are irritating, but I think we can agree that this has much to say about the universal mental condition that is being a bride. The bridesmaids' chorus of "Euuuughs" could have been scripted by Aeschylus.

4) Bonce-based wedding sabotage

Sticking with the hair motif, there is so much to say here. Who are these individuals and why is it causing them so much pain to surrender their friend Zach to the girl in the platitudinous dress? What is Mrs Zach's story and why isn't she shown kicking their artfully tonsured heads in? What we have here is wedding terrorism, ladies, plain and simple.

5) Who killed Ken(ny)?

Look closely and this is a fundamental re-enactment of the fertility myth at the heart of Frazer's Golden Bough. (Note that the theme of "fainting briefly" in nuptial circumstances forms a powerful narrative arc back to clip 1).

Send in your own favourite links or footage to thehitch@thetimes.co.uk