Care to compete? Email TheHitch@thetimes.co.uk with all your most treasured images.

Exhibit 1: (Don't) think pink

Classic, Andrex-hued awfulness. Our thoughts are with you, girlfriend.

Exhibit 2: Giddy up

Teal, beaded tiara, veil. Respect due.

Exhibit 3: Corr blimey

What’s with all the positive comments regarding this number? The technical term for this can only be “mental”, possibly “mentalist”.

Exhibit 4: Face off

Forget the dress (albeit that it will now haunt your every waking nightmare), what we have here is the paradigmatic example of The Bridesmaid Facial Expression. Share it with the group, sweetheart, The Hitch feels your pain.

Exhibit 5: Undercover op

But, is this the ugliest bridesmaid dress in Charlotte? Is it? Is it? Having been there, The Hitch harbours doubts.

Exhibit 6: Size matters

Behold the time-honoured combination that is: slim girl + bitch bride = fat dress (the formula may also be reversed).

Exhibit 7: Cape fear

Mafioso maybe, but I’m also feeling Boney M. Pretty though, huh? Still, at the point at which we see the ladies in action again everything goes a bit psycho. Are they, perhaps, members of a cult? Can we join?

Exhibit 8: (Legitimate) cry for help

Aren’t you just loving the “killmenow” monicker and oh-so coordinating pink-eye effect?

Exhibit 9: Aviator maids

See how the satin gleams. Sometimes it’s all about the accessorising: school bag, nature table, fighter pilot shades.

Exhibit 10: Truly the best of decades

Oh, my, the late Eighties really were a vintage era for bridesmaid style. Yes, indeed. There’s something about this particular maid that reminds The Hitch of Joanie in Happy Days. Moving that the look proved more timeless than the vows.

Exhibit 11: Ahoy there

What’s not to love about a sailor suit? It is The Hitch’s contention that children should be dressed like this at all times, when not being forced to remove their bloomers to flag down trains.

Exhibit 12: Kissin' cousins

Oooh, action shot. Bouf up that skirt a bit and this maid would make the perfect crinoline lavatory-roll concealer. Does that fringe come attached to an alice band?

Exhibit 13: Ye olde goth girl

Cheer up, love. Are you quite sure this was for your bf’s wedding and not paying your last respects?

Exhibit 14: Rainbow love

Is it just The Hitch, or does this number say backdrop to a puppet show: possibly one about peace and love and our being one big human family?

Exhibit 15: Words fail

Somebody call a priest, and we’re not talking marriage vows.