Jeremy Clarkson
Hitchcock
The man, the films, those blondes. Free DVD collection starting this Sunday
Navigation - link to other main sections from here
From
December 30, 2007
BMW 135i
Beemed back to the wild days of youth
When I was growing up, and it wasn’t that long ago, we had electricity for only three days a week, we drove cars that wouldn’t start, we used rats to take away rubbish, and dead bodies, and a cup of tea was considered a luxury good.
And now we spool forward 30 years to find that round where I live there are women with crisp shirts and nice hair who make a living by decorating other people’s Christmas trees.
Don’t you find that amazing? That someone has persuaded a bank manager that there is a demand for such a thing, let alone such a volume of demand that it would overcome the extremely seasonal nature of the business? I can only presume that they charge £25,000 per tree.
Mind you, £25,000 these days is nothing. I know someone who paid that for a pair of binoculars. And £25,000 for a gun is considered good value. In just 30 years, then, Britain has been transformed from the Old Kent Road into Mayfair, the Community Chest and the entire bank.
And I was there when it all began. The year was 1982 and the place was Fulham. Specifically, Parsons Green, and, even more specifically, my local. The White Horse.
When I started drinking there, it was a painter and decorator’s pub and everyone drank stout. If you’d have strolled in and asked for a vodka, your head would have been kicked in before they’d got the rust off the optics. But then along came the privatisation of British Telecom and all of a sudden everyone had £200.
It was the start. The White Horse was given wooden blinds and leather sofas, and friends of mine started dropping in after a day at work with enough money in their pockets to buy a house. One, a chap called Johnny who had an earring and a Ford Capri, suddenly remembered he was the Earl of Dumfries.
I think in my youth a City bonus was a chicken drumstick or some luxury crackers from Boots. But as Mrs Thatcher ran around privatising the water and the gas and the air, all of a sudden people starting getting enough each Christmas to buy an estate in Scotland. Or a small country in the Caribbean.
They were great times. Exciting times. Times when you felt anything was possible and that all you needed to become a billionaire was an idea. Any idea would do. I started writing about cars for local newspapers. Another mate came up with wheelie-bin cosies. Others bought and sold houses. And as all these businesses flew, it had a profound effect on the cars we all drove.
In the early days of the change, you couldn’t really go to the White Horse unless you had a Golf GTI. Preferably in Lhasa green with a splash of Val d’Isère mud up the side. There is no modern-day equivalent to this phenomenon. You lived in Fulham back then. You had one. It was that simple.
But then, as the bonuses got bigger, people started upgrading to the BMW 323i.
God, it was a good car. With its dainty pillars and uncomplicated styling, it was in many ways indistinguishable from a Ford Cortina. But unlike any Ford of the period, it started, it cost a bloody fortune and it went like stink.
And because it was rear-wheel drive, something with which the GTI brigade was unfamiliar, it was ever so easy to crash. This not only gave you something exciting to talk about in what had now become known as the Sloaney Pony, but it also gave you the opportunity to replace it with a 325i, which was even better.
This cost even more, but the amount of stuff it didn’t come with was astonishing. No, really. There was no radio and you had to wind the windows down by hand. It was just a light body and a big engine. And we all loved it more than we loved our genitals.
Sadly, since then, the 3-series has grown into middle age. It’s become fatter and bigger and slower. Deep down, a modern 3-series is still balanced and wondrous, but the excitement, the fizz, the thrill of those early cars is gone. Buried under a ton and a half of technology and kit.
Of course, because the 3-series became so enormous, BMW was able to launch the 1-series beneath it in the lineup. And that would have been fine but unfortunately it was styled by the same chap who did Corporal Jones’s butcher’s van in Dad’s Army. Even Queen Victoria would call it old-fashioned, with its sit-up-and-beg stance, its almost vertical windscreen and those idiotic swoops on the flanks.
All of this would have been only mildly annoying if it was thrilling to drive and more spacious inside than an art gallery. But it isn’t. The boot is microscopic, the rear legroom is suitable only for people who haven’t been born yet and the big-selling diesel is about as much fun as herpes. If this car were a person, it would be Piers Morgan.
Now, though, BMW has given its baby hatchback a boot to create what it calls the coupé, and frankly that looks like a recipe for even more calamity and disaster. Booted hatchbacks never work. You need only look at what happened when VW turned the Golf into the Jetta to know I’m right.
And then you have only to look at the 1-series coupé to know I’m wrong. It is by no stretch of the imagination a pretty car. But neither is it offensive. Which means it has exactly the same non-styling-driven appeal of the early 1980s 323i.
What’s more, the version I tested came with a big 3 litre twin-turbo six under the bonnet. That’s 306bhp, and that’s good too.
Step inside and it gets better.
You get the bare minimum of kit. Just a big, fat, chunky wheel, a snickety-snick six-speed manual box and, er, a rear-view mirror. I had hope in my heart as I set off; hope that, after 25 years, BMW was back in business making small, fast, simple sports saloons.
It is. Initially the brakes feel too sharp, but after a mile or so you adapt your driving style to suit and then you can sit back and revel in the joy of it all. The ride is perfectly judged; firm but not so taut that it pops your eyes out on every cat’s-eye. And on a motorway it settles down to be nicely on the right side of comfortable. The seats are bang-on, as is the driving position.
But it’s the engine that impresses most of all. It has one small turbo to spin up the instant you apply the power, and then a bigger one that trundles into life later to keep the power coming . . . in bigger and bigger lumps. This, and there’s no other way of saying it, is a great engine. A masterpiece. It doesn’t zing like the BMW straight-sixes of old but there’s so much muscle you don’t notice.
Then you leave the motorway and the road gets twisty and it’s like settling into your favourite armchair. The steering, the feel, the way you can adjust your line through the bend with the throttle. There is no other car made today in this sector of the market that gets even close. If you love driving, this is up there in a class of one.
Of course, a Mitsubishi Evo or a Subaru Impreza will grip more and slingshot you from bend to bend with more urgency, but if you prefer a more flowing style - less grip and more handling – then you would be better off with the little Beemer.
Faults. Well, the rear legroom is a squeeze, and it’s not what you’d call cheap. With no extras at all it squeaks in at under £30,000, but add one or two bits and it’ll shoot up to £34,000. That’s a lot.
Except, of course, it isn’t – not these days when people are spending that, and more, on family holidays and kitchens.
The fact of the matter is this. The 135 coupé is the best car BMW makes. I have no hesitation at all, then, in giving this long-awaited return to form the rare accolade of five stars.
Vital statistics
Model BMW 135i
Engine 2979cc, six cylinders
Power 306bhp @ 5800rpm
Torque 295 lb ft @ 1300rpm
Transmission Six-speed manual
Fuel 30.7mpg (combined cycle)
CO2 220g/km
Acceleration 0-62mph: 5.3sec
Top speed 155mph
Price £29,745
Verdict BMW’s finest
I must agree with some critic's viewpoint that the car is not as pretty as some other models. But the fact of the matter is that it's not the look of the car that hurdles you down the street with impressive speed and force, it's the engine. Quick, fast, agressive...that's why i bought it.
ABG, Nashville, United States
The 135i has exceeded every one of my expectations. When you test drive this car, and I mean scare the pants off your sales person at the BMW dealership, you'll know that there simply isn't a better bang for the buck than the 135i. BMW truly is the "ultimate driving experience". GET ONE!
Aron Goodden, Burlington,
I bought mine about 3 days after the official Australian release, it is easily the most enjoyable car I have owned (I have had many...I am older than Clarkson) ....and I actually think it is pretty.
Ron Ross, Sydney, Australia
im so amused tht some1 like him has written remarks like these for a card tht every1 is complaining about. i am 100% agreeing on whtever he has said. the car should be rated 5. it definetly is worth it. its not as sleek but it gives it a sporty devil on the road look. im glad to order one already!!
MG, Muscat, Oman
....big mistake, driving the 135i coupe. Now I have to ponder why I suddenly want to sell the '72 Tii, the '73 Tii the '73 3.0 CS and the 5er.
Tough problem.
Kevin, Canada
kevin, saskatoon, canada
Deposit paid today, apparently one of about 50 preordered in Australia.Not only are imported cars massively uplifted into Australia (29k pounds for the car, and another 10kpounds in tax etc) but it will be about 12-14 weeks before delivery... and that even with ordering a month before release day!
David, Sydney, Australia
For the first time in my life I can choose a car that is self indulgent
For me the 135i does not scream mid life crisis and boy racer but is very innocent looking. Fun and cute to my better half .
But I know that a real bad boy lurks underneath and I cant wait to take delivery of the new baby.
Peter , Sydney, Australia
Test-drove 135 Coupe M Sport, today. Awesome!! Totally Awesome!!
Chris, Edinburgh, UK
Deposit is now paid on my $86,000- BMW135i. Maybe am I getting ripped off but good imported cars are very expensive in Australia. Don't even know when it arrives as BMW have a release date of 23 May. Then it's a case of availability. The bimmer will replace my aging WRX STI . The Subaru has always been an ugly vehicle but one drive and all was forgiven. Subaru's latest incarnation is now exquisitely ugly and no amount of technical gysmometry can relieve the embarrasment of being seen in one. So the BMW 135i will replace the most amazing car I have ever driven I only hope it goes as hard as the REX. I look forward to throwing it at some favourite corners just to see what happens.
Mike Hallsworth, ADELAIDE, AUSTRALIA
I happen to be enjoying my 130i but with such words being uttered about the 135i it gets me really thinking, could there be a better 1 than the 1 I have? I guess i'm being a bit bias to the king of hot hatches. I guess 25 minutes to 2 (1:35) is better than half past 1(130i) to anyone looking forward to 2:00 o'clock.
I hope BMW has improved the door rubbers as with my 1 air rushes through the driver's door at high speeds and its funy that I only noticed the breeze after I got off a Friends CLK 63. From what I've read around I do believe that the 135i deserves all five stars. For half the price of an M3 and almost the same 0-100km times I am definately leaning towards the 135i.
Most car enthusiast do not understand the concept of 'bang for the buck'(KW vs Money paid). I believe BMW has found the right formular for this pocket rocket and I'm definately placing an order, even if it means that by the time I take ownership I would have fallen in & out of love with it 6 million times
Mabu Mana, Pretoria, Republic of South Africa
1.) The BMW twin turbo N54 engine uses a parallel setup where each turbo manages 3 cylinders. Not the sequential turbo setup Clarkson is describing.
2.) It is not a "beemer" it is a bimmer. A Bimmer is a BMW automobile, a Beemer/Beamer is a BMW motorcycle.
Ricky, San Jose, USA / California
As usual, Jeremy makes a lot of sense.zSpeaking as someone who is looking forward to picking his new 135i up in Munich, in three weeks' time, I can't argue about it being the best car in BMW's line. Of course, one really needs to define one's criteria, but as a generalization, I think he's right. I've been driving a 550 for the last two years and although I still don't like its looks, it's a very nice car, but I think I shall enjoy the 135 even more!
However, where he's definitely NOT right is about the two turbochargers. There are two but they are the same size. One of them is driven from the front three cylinders' exhaust and the other one from the rear three. His description of one little tiny turbo and one big one is on the money for BMW's 3 litre diesel. Unfortunately these won't be on sale in the US until late in the year and even then only in the X5 and the 3 series.
Fran Oldham, St Louis, MO, USA
He says its "the best BMW made". Better than the other m cars? Somehow i don't think so. Even he said that the M5 was amazing when he reviewed it years ago. His faults were the annoying sat nav and the non-cancelling indicators. Which BMW have fixed ages ago. So how could it be better than this, a saloon which would give a Ferrari 430 a run for its money on a race track. Even the BMW M3 looks amazing and of course how could we forget the M6. I like the 135i alot but its not the best BMW by a good streatch.
P.S. Release a new M1 BMW.
Adam, Derry, N.Ireland
This one ;-) and the M3 are perhaps the only two BMW's worth wanting these days - the rest of the mainstream cars (Apart from the rest of the 1 series) are surely good to drive, but are abominations otherwise to look at, and have 'money but no style' attachment, while the 4x4's are 'American money trying to look like style but not pay taxes (which is fair enough, but you have to buy a truck)' associated with them.....
Martin La Grange, Auckland, New Zealand
My money is on the 123d M sport. Its only a second or so slower to 60 than the 135i, it has loads of torque at the front and mid range, cheaper on the insurance and you get 50+ to the gallon - which is incredible. Weighing in at £28K, you can also enjoy leather, metallic paint, a USB port for the ipod and a towbar - essential for towing a dinghy at the weekend and something impossible on an audi TT. My 17 year old son can fit in the back without suffering deep vein thrombosis and the high residuals promised will keep you smiling as the payment leaves your bank each month.
Stefan, Shepshed, UK
Where is all the talk about the 128i??? it should be equally impressive, with a sport susp. setup. The 135i is great but a bit too much and not really that much lighter than the 335i.
230 hp coming from an even better (NA I-6) engine w/ valvetronic and magnesium alloy stuff, should be a match made in heaven for the 1 series. No more nor less.
Mohammed Aziz, Chesterfield, USA
I'm 24, and can only afford one car. That's an E36 325i. I would really like a 135i, but it looks like a girl's car. A bit like opel tigra. If it had a bit more masculin styling I would really go for it.
Why don't you tell us about the diff? Is it LSD or not? If it's not it can't be the reincarnation of the E30 325i. The one I had was my best car ever, beacouse the LSD.
Anyway you're the best jurnalist Clarkson!
Csongor, Kolozsvar, Romania
A stunning drive. Sooo much better ride than the hatchback and what an engine. Not to mention the 6 pot brakes; stops as good as it goes. Mine comes on 01 March. Can't wait.
John, Cressing, England
Just ordered a 135i. I had to go back 3 times because test driving it was so fun. And that was after testing a year old BoxsterS. BMW, despite the weight, has produced a truely awesome engine, and despite the weight, the 1-series coupe is a fab body shell to wrap round it. Delievry in March, just as the A & B roads get less greasy and wet
Dom, London, U.K
The 1 series is beautiful?? I can't think of a single contemporary BMW design that I'd call that, even the M3 is a disappoientment. I respect the numbers though, but BMWs have always been a complete package. These new ones, and especially the 1 series, simply ain't.
Ayham, Dubai, UAE
The 1 series is beautiful? Hardly. I know its all subjective but I can never get over that sagging line under the door. The car would look a thousand percent better if it was straight. The managed a straight line above the door. Why not below it?
Val DiPietro, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Jeremy, you are getting old and more weird than James May
MT, Hong Kong, China
Apparently, for some of Clarkson's readers here, light will never dawn on marblehead.
Jenny, Grand Rapids, MI, US
God youv'e got boring. It's the first time I haven't finished your article. Has the prospect of becoming Prime Minister turned you into a boring Brown clone?
Alastair MacGregor, Dubai,
"I thought you were not able to drive at more than 70 M/P on motorways and we were concerned about pollution ?"
WTF?
Andrew Milner, Karuizawa, Japan Alps
BEST Wishes 2038.
copy/paste..Joke ..And now we spool another forward 30 years you will that find that round where you were living in 2008 and it wasn’t that long ago, people cannot afford electricity for more than three days a week, drive cars ,eat rats and dead bodies, and consider a cup of tea a luxury good around a people’s Christmas tree.
Peak OIL was in 2006
Eddy Mechelaere, BRUGES , GERMANY
I'm surprised there was no mention of the weight of that car, which is barely 150 lbs lighter than a 3 series... And the side styling makes it look like a pregnant car dragging its belly on the floor...
I hope they make a lighter Tii version !
Greg Deschodt, Tampa, FL, USA
Steve Buff posted:
This new 135i coupe beamer actually starts at $34900 in US !! At todays rate that is around 17k !
I would really like to know the answer. On purchses of major sporting or motoring items the true rate of exchange seems to be 1:1. Why?
Phil Constable, Jakarta,
This car remember me the old fashion BMW 2002. That was not also a beautiful car or even practical but what a car to drive!!!!
Babak, Augsburg, Germany
I am annoyed by the image projected onto 4 x 4 Vehicles by so called eco-friendly people. When they talk about a 4 x 4 what do you imagine they picture in their mind? A Landrover? A Toyota Landcruiser? A BMW X5? Probably a big box with big wheels and a big fuel drinking (pollution producing) pedestrian murdering vehicle. The manufacturers have been very clever, vehicles which do not fit into this pre-conceived image but ARE 4 x 4 driven are referred to as 'All Wheel Drive'. They are the same thing! All of the 'Eco-warriors' should keep this in mind the next time they see a 'nice' Mercedes CLK 320 which has a bigger engine capacity than a standard diesel Toyota Landcruiser.
Paul Tyler, London,
As my son is addicted to Dave channel,which incidentally,should be re-named "Jeremy",I'm well in touch with the views that we all earn GAZILLIONS.
We don't ,as I struggle to splash out on my 15 year old beemas water pump.
However the £134 bbc fee is a mere snip if you can afford a ford gt.
Neva mind Jezza still watchin and reading,but please could you just do 1 affordable car review a week,or at least lift a bonnet,so us Techies can work out wots wot
Robbington, Shrewsbury, Salopia
Have to correct Jeremy on 1 point. The motor has 2 identical size turbos which each feed off 3 cylinders. Tut tut Jeremy.
Ty Sheers, Gold Coast , Australia
I have to say, this car should be called the "early M3 successor". It seems seemingly alike. Like what JC said, the modern 3-Series has gotten so fat and big, but that's the point of modern people being bigger because of their modern nutrition isn't it?
The 1-Series Hatch was truly pointless, a punch from BMW to Volkswagen's Golf that barely even bites, let alone stings. The only fact is that it's got a big engine and RWD, that's their only selling point.
I'll pop down at BMW's showroom to try out the 135i Coupe to see if this is truly, the classic "M3" I've been looking for.
Maximillian, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
JC, as entertaining as your articles are please read up on what and how BMW are working wonders with their turbo technology. The 135i is a bi-turbo, not sequential as you describe in your writing. Sequential turbos belong to the 335d etc. I thought your description of the White Horse is spot on!
David, Melbourne, Australia
Nick is quite right, sitting in a BMW does nothing. What he misses though is the sheer joy of driving such a dynamically, well balanced, practical and safe machine. And a joy that grows with time as these cars seem to improve with age, unlike any other brand that I have owned or driven. As examples, my 1990 318iC continues to offer pleasure with every gear change and my newer 5 is an absolute wonder of driving enjoyment.
Happy new year all.
MB, Vancouver, Canada
This fat little thing weighs as much as my 1986 -735i (E23) .
And the E23 is by all means a big car. It has a boot, rear legroom, and a turbo. It even handles well - as long as you go straight forward. I would have considered this 135i if it was about 2500 lb. But this? Nope.
hegar, Hamburg, germany
It's great to know that Britain has eradicated poverty, that everyone now can make hundreds of thousands of pounds per year decorating each other's Christmas trees. No need to worry, then, about spending 34,000 pounds on a pricey little self-indulgence when poor people are starving, because there aren't any poor people anymore.
Or, could it be that the poor and wretched are still there, and that the only reason things seem different to Clarkson is that he's now a celebritoid and can afford to have them excluded from his notice? How jolly.
The Supreme Dalek, Wahoo, USA / NE
If you have the money to spend, why not spend it on something pretty that'll make you feel good about driving again (as opposed to making you feel good about a badge). The new Alfa Romeo Brera at the top of the range is still cheaper than the 135 BMW and ten times more beautiful.
Ade, london,
Agreed, the engine is the finest that I have ever come across. I had the same feeling when I drove the 335i. Can't imagine how it would be in a lighter hatchback. I wish BMW had worked more on the rear end of the car which looks very very dull.
Jaseem Aliyar, chicago, USA
As owner of a '91 E30 cabrio, I have stood by and watched as the 3-series grew into a essentially a small 5-series. I have long anticipated BMW's return to a smaller and more tossable car. The new 1-series coupe should quite nicely fill the void left when the E36 appeared. Sure, the 1-series is no lightweight (although the Tii concept might fit the bill), but it's a step in the right direction for the Bavarian automaker. BMW's advertising mavens have been comparing the 128i and the 135i to the 2002, however Jeremy, I think you've hit the nail on the head comparing it to the original 325i... a big motor in a small package. In some ways, its the same recipe us Yanks used during the musclecar era and was repeated by the Brits with the Sunbeam Tiger and the Jensen Interceptor (and yes the AC Cobra).
Thanks for a great review of a great car.
Mark Gold, Sacramento, California, USA
Jeremy is telling YOU from the seat of his pants this car rules, don't muddle the emotion with trivial facts. I saw a BMW F1 turbo accelerate out of a corner and rate it the best automotive moment of my life.
Boyd, Toronto, Canada
This new 135i coupe beamer actually starts at $34900 in US !! At todays rate that is around 17k !!!
Why ????
Steve Buff, Eagle River, USA, Alaska
It is a fantastic car.
Rahul, London,
Mr. Clarkson, thanks for another entertaining review. Just one small comment about one technical detail - the turbo six motor has two equally sized turbos - they are not sequential. Holiday Cheers!
Mikhail, New York, USA
"But it’s the engine that impresses most of all. It has one small turbo to spin up the instant you apply the power, and then a bigger one that trundles into life later to keep the power coming . . . in bigger and bigger lumps."
I thought the 135i coupe has 2 small turbos, each boosting 3 cylinders? It sounds like Jeremy is describing the twin-turbo diesel engine, no?
Paul, Toronto, Canada
Fails to mention Road fund licence is £210.
Not a car for the greenies.
Garry Thomas, Cardiff, Great Britain
If it has a 3 litre engine, why doesn't Teutonic logic dictate it should be a 130? Mind you, BMW have done this illogical numbering before, 1.9l 318s, 2.5l 523s (or was it a 2.3l 525?)
Andy, Cirencester,
BMW long forgotton how to build lighweight cars?!,what about the m3 csl that wasnt long ago! oh wait do they get it in america it dont have 8 litre engine or weigh a tone,but its fun and can turn ;)
joe murphy, coolock, ireland
I've been wrong before, but didn't Clarkson say some time in the last 12 months that the BMW 1 series would kill the brand?
Mr. Cap, meet Mr. Hand.
Andrew Fox, Sao Paulo, Brazil
BMW have long forgotten how to build lightweight cars.
Alfred Samuel Joseph, Lancaster, California
God I am totally confused with car manaufactureres ...
I thought you were not able to drive at more than 70 M/P on motorways and we were concerned about pollution ? Why cant manufactureres play the game .
I found it sad to see guys doing vroom vroom at the traffic light in their BMW so that they can try reaching 62 M/P in 5S....
What is the point ? The roads are full from 06:00 till 21:00, petrol is expensive and the police is getting harder than ever on speed limits ...
Anyway cars dont bring jobs in the UK nor any third party investment.
Mark
mark, london,
Despite 6 BMWs in the past, I've moved on a recent years to other cars that are less design impaired. The new 1 series is the first BMW to stir my interest in quite a while, though the 3400 lb. weight is disappointing.
Andrew, Indy,
Is it just me or does anyone else think the 135 looks like a Jag X type at the front.?
I sat in one (not the coupe) at my local dealership and tried again to figure out why people like BMWs: no equipment worth speaking of, and horrifically over priced. Oh, and you might as well hang a notice around your neck with a very rude word on it, because that's what most people will think of you.
Nick, South Coast UK,
Agreed, 1 series instantly reminded me of my step-father's E30 325i - a car that taught lads what opposite lock was and made my E36 318 look like a sheep in sheep's clothing...
Gray, Bristol,
Heavens above! Everyone pinch yourselves to make sure you're not dreaming! Jeremy Clarkson PRAISES A BMW!! Go on, pinch yoursleves one more time, just to be sure.
What is the World coming? Can't one rely on anything any more? There were a few things left you still count on. Day following night, politicians working for their own self-interests, England never matching the hype in football and Jeremy Clarkson routinely bashing BMWs.
Now that the last certainty has been blown away, what next? England will win the World cup next time round? Over to you, Signor Capello.
Paul, London,
Bravo, Bravo, BMW! It's a brilliant little package this 135i. I'm looking forward to the TopGear test and I'm waiting for my 135i to arrive soon....
John, Auckland,