hahah, fantastic article, as usual.

I have to say I don't wash my car (S2000): I make some maintenance operation consisting of removing the salt from underneath using water and also in the other parts of the car, this ones only due to last the remaining time in the euro inserted in the washing machine.

Juan Prada, Madrid, Spain

That was such a fun read, thanks for the laugh!

Maybe if more people would stop hand washing their cars, we could get it to rain a little more often here in parched Los Angeles.

Catherine, Los Angeles, California

Trouble is, Clarkson some of us, has 'his' cars turn up at his house and then disappear when he has finished with them. Some of us poorer souls have to make our cars last a good few years. If he had to buy them with his own cash then he might look after them a bit better!

KAW, Newton Abbot, Devon

CGT of Auckland has a point but a very different perspective.
The last time I was in New Zealand (a year most Kiwis deny even exists as it was the year the British Lions did not lose a match) there was just over one half mile of motorway in the entire country! It was also not possible to buy a new motor car with local currency.......... Cars were for fun then too, especially the backseats!

AMLeahy, Yucca Valley , California U.S.A.

Why has Julian in Twickenham got a 'Larger 4x4'? Towing boats by the Eel Pie?

Mark, Taunton, Somerset

What's wrong with a car wash?

James E. Petts, Burnham, England

AMLeahy of California misses the point - yes you saved 100,000 gallons of water - but who cares. Cars are for fun, bigger, badder, faster is good. ECO greenie, tree hugging is not.

CGT, Auckland, New Zealand

I can imagine George Clooney washing a car. I imagine him washing mine (the closest it gets to being clean) all the time.

Amber, Albuquerque, New Mexico USA

I await the Jeremy Clarkson/Top Gun Window-Cleaning / Car Waxing Spray with baited breath.

Greg Goorwitch, LONDON, UK

I find the most dangerous part of washing my car is going fast enough down the motorway in order to get the drops to travel to the rear...

Brian W., Los Angeles, USA / CA

Jeremy, you have missed out the most important point of all about NOT washing the car.
I live in the desert near Palm Springs, California, and apart from front and rear windscreens, have not washed my motor car for two years. (The last time was when the garage accidentally washed and polished it after a routine service) I have calculated that over the vehicles lifetime, I shall save approximately 100,000 gallons, (378.000 liters) of WATER!

AMLeahy, Yucca Valley , California U.S.A.

I would be interested to witness the negotiation that would take place between Mr.Clarkson and the hapless salesperson, private or dealer, when Mr.C turns up to buy his new car, covered in delivery road dirt with the transport driver's rotting sandwiches eating a hole through the footwell.

Tony Quance, Mississauga, Ontario, Canada

I have a Range Rover, I don't wash it, it was born with mud on it (and oil leaky under it).
And if you wash it, you look like some boring guy who never leaves the road to play in the mud.

Steve, Brisbane, Australia

Its called cleanliness Mr. Clarkson, we love our cars to be clean and luk clean. If its a hummer then it makes sense that it dirty. Just as Jeans are made to be tough and dirty, but normal formal pants aren't.

Shoun, Kuala Lumpur,

My wife enjoys washing here car, the advantage for me is that she does mine at the same time. Unfortunately she then wants some sort of award. If god had wanted us to wash cars he wouldn't have made car washes.

David Leslie, Perth, Scotland

My car is seriously dirty, I have 2 dogs who have daily trips to muddy fields, and they wipe themselves in the car on the way back, so I don't have to worry about cleaning this filth in the house. Today I felt very ashamed and thought I might wash the car as soon as we have half decent weather (so that will be in 3012). I am eternally greatful for the fact I now don't feel bad about it and will continue to drive a filthy dirty car with no remorse whatsoever.
Many Thanks, as always, brilliant!!

Nikki, Spalding,

Hey guess what i have (had) a Laguna too,, it currently resides with my ex wife.. (estranged), it sits unused on her dirveway (which used to be mine but now isn't) ... reason for sparation .... failed to wash the car !!. aka for reasons you neatly pointed out... & so I Just left.. (both of them ) !.. so Jeremy.. how beautifully ironically true... tho actually i quite liked the car... the filthy thing.

DAS, Hull, UK

I bought a Citro Saxo in France in '92. I've never washed it -- when it was 'new' (first three weeks) it was keyed on both flanks by 'ecolieres' -- then a Belgian driving through a medieval street towing his home behind him dented the right front fender when the Saxo was legally parked. Next night, two of the four wheel covers were pinched.

It doesn't look too bad; washing it would only make it look more visible (attractive to rip off?).

Peter Viitanen, St. Albans, Herts. UK

I'm with Jeremy, there is no more sense in washing a car than washing a house.
Wow! You do?

Jim Ballantyne, Sandhurst, Berkshire

Wash your car?

"LUXURY!"

Here in the wasteland formerly know as Australia we've run out of water. No, truly, we have. And hence the gummint has officially banned car washing. And not just on Sunday. Everyday.

Come on Jeremy - you know Australia is your Nirvana - move on over. We have a Monaro with your name on it.

AB Watkins, Melbourne, Australia

What does it say about you, that you took the time to write this (and what does it say of me for reading it and taking the time to write you this message)? I now feel as though you owe everyone an apology for wasting so much of their time (as do I).

Matt, Jasper, Georgia / USA

My ex-wife had a Renault Laguna......

Mark, Mansfield,

While I think that some people wash their cars too much, where I live washing and waxing it will make it last longer. We get lots of snow and ice here and to remove it a lot of salt and sand is used on the road. This will eat paint and metal and need to removed from time to time otherwise cars only last about 3 years. Also this mix of salt sand and snow gets tracked in and by spring you have a sandbox in the drivers area. The best thing is a pressure washer or power washer, it only takes a few minutes (about 6 for a BMW 540i) and all that annoying scrubbing and bending can be avoided.

andy, Apple Valley, US / Minnesota

I agree about the man who mentioned pride of ownership. I wash my car regularly, as recently as July 19 ... er ... 71. That means it isn't due until, now let me see .. um, that's convenient.

Steve, Cambridge,

Aaaah ... wonderful.
It's what rain is for, isn't it? I can always recognise my car in the car park - it's that grotty one. It ran out of washer fluid sometime in September (I bought it in June). I'm fine with changing the tyres; I have no intention of learning how to fill the reservoir with over-priced soap solution.

The only people who should ever wash cars are small children, armed with a hose and buckets of water to chuck over each other. They will then collect 25p.

Good memories...

Lucy, Chester-le-Street, England

You got it spot on (definately no spot off) with that old car cleaning caper. I remember I used to do at one time but thankfully someone talked some sense into me.

I live near on the coast and find keeping a healthy dirty car helps with rust prevention too! Either that or you can't tell it's rusty and don't worry about it.

Mark, Southampton, UK

I've just washed my car! I then sold it. It was - and probably still is - a Volvo T5 saloon with 231,000 on the clock - yes really!.
I bought it in 1977 with 11,000 on the clock and have serviced it in accordance with Volvo's instructions and run it until it got dirty, really dirty but the funny thing is, that having got really dirty, it didn't get any more dirty.
I cleaned it in anticipation of improving its resale value and got £400 for it. Would I have got the same if I hadn't bothered?

Mike Crowe, Exeter, England

My car gets washed often; I just drive fast when in rains and let nature take it's course. You would be surprised how effective it is, admittedly the car isn't really shiny but neither is it covered in filth. If I am feeling very daring I open the huge sunroof and do the inside too.

Simon, Cambridge,

It's with cars like with windows - they get dirty to a certain point, then they get clenare again.

Matt Lewands, Windsor, UK

my dad has a laguna, but he aint no wife swapper but i know some one who has a laguna and who is a wife swapper. My dad is has just ordered the new Lamborghini Gallardo superleggera in candy green. I no you have a Gallardo Spider which is a seriously cool car, i have been trying to persuade my dad to get a Aston Martin Vanquish S but anyway i love your show necer missed 1 hope you will be back on bbc2 shortly!!!1

MICHAEL SMITH, county durham, ENGLAND

Brilliant - I cannot fathom how my fellow neighbours haven't found out about the place down the road, wher you drive into a big machine and it cleans my wheels and the whole car for £2.10, all in less than 5 minutes! Get a life! ;-)

SRL, Southend, Essex

Personally, I found the "salt on the road" commentator hilarious. Even amonth the habitual car-washers of Sunday morn, who on earth hoses down the underside, which is where the salt gathers to cause rust and where most manufacturers put a healthy coating of anti-rust gunk?

KR, Stockport,

The best article this year so far, Jeremy, I haven't laughed so much in weeks! I also have these "middle managers" neighbours, in the village,washing their cars on Saturdays and Sundays, yes, I do agree, their wifes are very much lacking in looks department and I have wondered myself whether car washing is just an excuse to get out of "dragon's" sight and reach. Brilliant!

Telma Wikstroem, Guildford villages, England

Think I know what you're trying to say. People make too much fuss of their cars. They wash them because they want to do something, but lack any semblance of automotive knowledge. So imagine your typical up-market estate one Sunday morning. Every male from each respective household is washing the car, except this one guy. The odd one out is changing the brake pads, rotors, wheel bearings, shock absorbers ... My guess is the male car washers would shun him to a man, and hope to God that No.1 wife didn't notice and make the comparison. "Oh, why can't you do those things, darling?"

Andrew Milner, Yokohama, Japan

The rentals are actually £199!! Fab car buy one!

amanda , manchester, uk

Always drove laguna's but never again..loved the comfort and the tyre screen being a lady driver but at 5 years old i have so many small things wrong with car i dont know how im gonna get rid of it..so disappointed as i would have bought laguna again but no...will go Audi or Honda..just hope they give the same comfort...i was sure that Renault would have brought out a better model but reading your review just confirmed what i dreaded..good bye Renault!!

mary mcccormack, Omagh, northern ireland

'There are Poles in disused petrol stations who will wash your car for £5.'

I paid £15 on Saturday for this very same service. That said, I have a larger 4x4 and they vacuumed the interior. Nice job they made of it, too. Will the last Pole out of the door please turn off the faucet?

Julian, Twickenham, UK

You should come to sunny Melbourne. Thanks to our permanent state of drought we are forbidden to wash our cars. This is terrific
for someone as feckless as myself. Not quite so good for the average (I don't know what average is) family man. I'm told it's akin to torture. Nor can he take a sudden interest in mowing the lawn as we aren't allowed to water the grass; at all, at all. If one values the envionment, cleaning windows is not a good idea. The dirt on the glass acts as shade in the summer and keeps in the warmth in winter. Thus helping to prove that 'every cloud may have a silver lining', but don't count on it to produce rain!

Venise Alstergren, Melbourne 3142, AUSTRALIA

had the old Laguna and now have the new one - everything that could possibly go wrong with the last one did indeed go wrong - so far, three months down the line, I have only had to replace the back door locking system with the new one! Can't be bad!!

Fiona, somewhere, France

I haven't washed my car in weeks, and it's still clean.
Of course it hasn't rained here in weeks either...

Gustav, Newport Beach, USA / California

I guess you don't live in an area where salt is used on the roads. I'd rather not have my car rust out from under me. I also do clean my TV, dust gets rather unsightly. Perhaps you live in some sort of clean room.

Oliver, London, Canada

Your comment:
What a meaningless way of passing the time. You don’t wash your vacuum cleaner or your television set,

My Reply:
If we had pigeons coming in our homes and leaving their deposits on them, yes... yes we would.

Don't try and be insightful about the act of car washing. It serves a simple and reasonable place in a man's life

We wash cars because some of us have a glimmer of self pride, and we wash our cars for the same reason we wear clean and pressed clothes, have our hair cut, and shave in the mornings. So that we can look and act civilized.

Steve, Seattle, Wa

Its main downfall is that it's a Renault. Made in France by people who think they are engineers, which is a complete fallacy.

Maybe my opinion has been coloured by the one and only Renault I owned - a 6TL, call the "Banana" due to its fetching shade of yellow. This car boasted a dashboard gearchange which in reality was a rod thing which moved a stirring-stick thing attached to the gearbox. Its propensity for rust was similar to the Forth Bridge and bits of bodywork would fall off at regular intervals. The suspension dampers failed causing the ride to become "interesting". The water pump failed - yes in winter on a very cold day right in the middle of dense traffic. The main saving grace was the strength of the front bumper as it completely demolished the rear end of a lovingly-restored MG Midget in a 3mph traffic light shunt.

I was very glad to get shot of this one. So to get half-way back topic I find it incredible that anyone would spend £17,690 on a Frog Motor.

JohnM, Perth, Scotland

I think I love you, Jeremy.

Lynne, melbourne, australia

Dear Jeremy
My last contact with your good self was at Dick Haszards Stag do when we went to Lingfield races and you won the last 4 races - very depressing - him marying Belinda Hall that is. Strangely I also live next door to your mums best friend Jill Taylor (and Brian I hasten to add) and I also used to live in Tickhill.

So on the basis we are nearly big mates I thought I would give you my view on cars that dont put out enough CO2 - to cause a millipede to cough that is. The laguna is the personification of music in a lift. You sort of know its there but it instills no element of soul at all. I am waiting to pay extra for my CO2 levels as I drive a XJ8 and wear my tax disc with pride telling people I have paid for my footprint I only hope they can feel as peaceful.

Regards to Dick if you see him and hope the dodgy neighbours are not giving him a hard time.

Salute

Andrew

Liecestershire

Andrew Simkins, Hoton, England

Near the top of this page there's a links sections entitled "Explore Jeremy Clarkson".

Can anyone tell me how to get the resultant image out of my head?

Sarah , Dartmouth, Canada, NS

Hi Jeremy,

Spot on, as ever.
Had to laugh really hard on this rainy, sunday morning....
It's always a pityfull sight, those men washing their cars on saturday; every saturday, that is. Sigh.
'Till next week!

Jos, Nijmegen, Holland

jos, nijmegen, Holland

Your car is the second most expensive investment after buying a house/living space, so why would you not take care of it? Here in Finland roads get salted every time there is even a sight of snow. Coupled with temperature differences between -10° to +5°C (-30°C in Lappland)it is only stupid to leave your car unwashed and waxed especially if it is a new one. Rust gets every car, even if it is a Mercedes-Benz or Kia Sportage, but with washing the car you can get the cars life prolonged.

A car, home or any place you spend considerable time of your life is best enjoyed clean.

Petteri Järvenpää, Kirkkonummi, Finland

Richard, there are car washes in Poland where they will wash your car for Ł5, too. And there are former Soviet Union area residents who will do it for 2 :)
Still, I share Jeremey's view on how useless and tiresome washing your car can be. And then, usually, you also have to get a wash which doubles the water bill :)

Cezary, Somewhere, Poland

In some countries, young folks play very loud music as they wash their cars. Elderly neighbours truly dread it. I hope these insensitive folks, for once, take J.Clarkson's advice and never wash their cars. If they do not, they could well degenerate into murderers. Alternatively, they could be murdered by one of their neighbours. J. Clarkson is truly sagacious to issue this warning.

Kris iyer, Chennai , India

It'll be a big seller though because the 1.5 diesel has co2 emissions of 134. Look at the way the wind's blowing, co2 emissions are going to become a major factor in car choice whether you like it or not.

Plus they're being discounted by £3-4,000 and being sold on £299 per month leases. It's all about cost.

Redcliffe, London,

Here in Singapore, all cars are shiny. That says it all.

Bertrand Lee, Singapore, Singapore

There are Poles in disused petrol stations who will wash your car for £5. So thats £2.50 a year. How little must you value the precious time you have on this planet to do it yourself?

Richard, Castleford, England

Here in Australia, it is illegal to wash your own car because of water restrictions. We have car washes where you just drop your car, go sit in the sunshine with the paper, they bring you a cup of tea and 15 minutes later someone comes and tells you your car is ready. Oh and 5.8 litre V8s are the norm and petrol is now outrageously expensive at 65p a litre.

Chris , Sydney, Australia

It 's got a hands-free phone kit, though......

JonB, Oxford,

Australia is a haven... Since we've been in drought for so long it's now illegal to wash your car at all in most places.

There are a handful of folks who still care and will line up for hours at a carwash that recycles its water. They deserve each other.

Simon A, Wangaratta, Australia