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Rolls-Royce Phantom
A car so wonderful in every way that nobody will buy it
I am a busy man. So busy, in fact, that when Rolls-Royce called last week to see if I’d like to look round its new factory and maybe go for a spin in the new car I had to say no.
Obviously I was interested, but it’d be two hours there and two hours back and I just don’t have the time. So the PR man came up with a solution: “We’ll send a helicopter.”
Interesting. The new Phantom is supposed to be the last word in engineering excellence, a road-going private jet, a luxury yacht with a point, a car that separates and distances you from both the tedium and the discomfort of travel.
And yet if Rolls-Royce had offered to pick me up in one I would still have said no, because no matter how much soundproofing there is between the cabin and the road it would still have got stuck in traffic around Newbury. It would still have taken two hours.
The helicopter, on the other hand, made sense. It might have been noisy, rattly and 20 years old but it was convenient. And comparatively cheap. You may be interested to know that the £250,000 Rolls-Royce is asking for the Phantom would buy you half a million rental hours in a Jet Ranger.
That said, I don’t want to get into the hoary old car-versus-helicopter argument. I just thought it funny that even Rolls-Royce recognises its new car is beaten by a chopper when you have to get from Chipping Norton to Goodwood on a sunny, windless day.
It’s not beaten by much else. The new Maybach, built in a big hurry by Mercedes when it realised that its arch-rival BMW had bought Rolls-Royce, is fitted with lots and lots of gadgets, like an electrochromatic roof panel, to take your mind off the fact you’ve spent £250,000 on what is essentially a stretched S-class.
The Rolls is different, not least because it’s built in an underground bunker on the South Downs. What is it with the Germans? Why are they so fond of bunkers? The roof is covered with soil and will be seeded. The lake is a heat exchanger for the air-conditioning. It’s like something out of a Bond film. The world’s first stealth factory.
The car, on the other hand, is not stealthy at all. It’s nearly 20ft long and 6ft 6in wide, so it absolutely dwarfs everything else on the road, including the standard Maybach. Ever wondered what it would be like to drive around in Salisbury Cathedral? Well, you need wonder no more.
You don’t really get a sense of scale from the pictures — and nor do you get an impression of just how handsome it is. Designed largely by the same team that did the Range Rover, it’s an extraordinary blend of aggression, presence and tradition.
It’s a Rolls-Royce, there’s no doubt about that, but, unlike any other Roller from the past hundred years, this one looks like it might kick your head in, for fun.
Especially in black. In a pale colour or silver, it looks like Vinnie Jones in one of Graham Norton’s T-shirts.
Part of the reason it looks so right is that the designers worked out that the height of a car should always be twice the height of its wheels. And this led to a problem. Because the Rolls is damn nearly as tall as me, the wheels had to be enormous. And that, in turn, meant the Michelin man had to get out of Gordon Ramsay’s new restaurant for 10 minutes and design a tyre that could double up as one of Saturn’s rings.
Underneath, there were problems, too. BMW was very keen that the engineers should use as many off-the-shelf BMW parts as possible. But none of its suspension systems would fit. So an entirely new double wishbone set-up was engineered for the front.
This is extraordinary. Usually, when a stylist wants something new and groovy on a car, the engineers complain to the accountants and the idea is quietly shot in the face. But on the Rolls, it seems the stylists were allowed a free rein, and to hell with the cost.
We see a similar story at the back. To prevent passengers in the rear from being seen by the riffraff as they’re chauffeured around, the car needed a very wide C-pillar. But the car is made from aluminium. Sure, you can weld short pieces of this lightweight material, but when you weld longer pieces you end up with something that looks like those baggy knicker curtains you find in Bryant executive homes.
I have no doubt that the engineers pleaded and begged and went to the
accountants and told tales. “The styling department’s stolen our milk again,
wah wah wah. And one of them pulled my hair.” But they lost and as a result
the weld that joins the roof to the rear wing is damn nearly 2ft across.
Then we get to the back doors, which open backwards. Now the problem with this
is that you can’t open the back door unless the front one is opened first.
This is deemed to be a safety issue and is therefore banned across Europe.
But on the Rolls the door closes electrically which, and I don’t really
understand this, bypasses the problem.
So, doors which close electrically. Mmm, wonderful. And, you’re thinking,
undoubtedly, the tip of a veritable gadget iceberg. Well, I’m sorry but this
car has as many toys as . . . Salisbury Cathedral springs to mind again.
It has the iDrive system from a 7-series BMW, but most of the functions have
been deleted, and the button itself is hidden away in a cabinet. Similarly,
the satellite navigation is behind the clock. In the back there are no fully
reclining aircraft seats, no DVD screens, no electrochromatic roof (however
will you manage?) and no drinks cabinet. It’s like being in a Wolseley,
albeit a jolly quiet one.
Rolls-Royce explains that its customers are not of the PlayStation generation.
They don’t know what an iPod is. They want the cabin to be cool on hot days
and warm in the winter and they don’t want to be bothered with steering air
of varying temperature around the place.
So the heater is just one temperature knob.
And that’s it.
Then there’s the engine. No standard BMW unit was up to the job — they’re all
too sporty — so the boys at Rolls-Royce took one of the mother ship’s 6
litre V8s and fiddled about until they ended up with a 6.75 litre V12 that
produces all its torque at tickover.
As a result, there is no rev counter in the dash, just a dial telling you how
much power the engine has in reserve. Apparently it’ll only read “zero” when
you’re flat out at 150mph. Even under hard acceleration it says there’s
something left, in the boot perhaps, or the centre console.
I am in no doubt that this is the best-engineered car ever made. It does not
blind you with gadgets or boggle your mind with speed. It is supremely
comfortable, but you can still sense what the front tyres are doing, even
from the passenger seat. It is utterly and fabulously exquisite and I have
no hesitation in giving it five stars.
But I do find myself wondering who will buy it. The chairman of Big Wig plc
will not be allowed to for fear of a shareholder rebellion and I can’t
imagine the tabloid press would take kindly to any government department
that spent so much on a car. “Think how many baby incubators it could have
bought . . .”
The Queen has a new Bentley for state occasions and uses a Vauxhall at other
times, and the younger generation of dotcom, IT and footballing millionaires
prefer something with a bit more zest and a lot more buttons.
And this is before we get to the thorny question of the Rolls-Royce badge.
Whenever I think of a Rolls-Royce owner I think of the man who looked round
my grandfather’s house many years ago. He liked it but was concerned about
the narrowness of the gateposts. “Tell you what,” he said in a broad
Yorkshire accent, “if I can get a f------ Roller in, I’ll have it.”
Even my Arab friends in the UAE think Rolls-Royces are a bit nouveau riche, a
bit naff.
So, that leaves you and me as potential customers. And we can’t afford it. So
like the dome and Concorde and Brunel’s 7ft railway gauge, here we have a
wonderful piece of engineering, a genuine step forward. But at the moment, I
must say, I can’t see a use for it.
VITAL STATISTICS
Model Rolls-Royce Phantom
Engine type V12, 6750cc
Power 455bhp @ 5350rpm
Torque 527 lb ft @ 3500rpm
Transmission Six-speed automatic
Suspension (front) double wishbones (rear) multi-link with
all-round air springs
Weight 5,478lb
Dimensions 5830mm length; 1981mm width; 1630mm height
Tyres Michelin PAX runflat tyres 265x790 R540A
Acceleration 0 to 60mph: 6sec
Top speed 150mph
Price £250,000
Verdict Perhaps the best-engineered car in the world, but
who's going to buy it?
I'll know you'll go mad, Jeremy, but I agree with May. I think the Drophead is the coolest car in the world. A proper Rolls-Royce, well worth £307,000. If I had the money i'd definitely buy one. Also, I think it looks coolest in dark blue. I do agree with you on 1 thing though, it is a 5-Star Car.
Nick Wakefield, Portsmouth, United Kingdom
I have seen a number of these cars; in photos, in the showroom, on the road, parked, etc. and while they exhibit an unearthy polish, the front end appears unfinished...I wonder why?
rd, San Miguel de Allende, Mexico
Dont be that stupid.Rolls Royce is an awesome car. It is so luxurious and you can see it in a distance of an other country but it is not kitch at all, something rather difficult. It is not like that shiny useless maybach that tom cruse or a rent company for the weddings will buy.Clarkson is so right
Dardalas John, Salonika, Greece
I drive a Spur and looking for a Turbo R for more spirited driving. Also need, not want a Corniche; thinking an 1987.5 or newer. Real clocks and temp gauges, I can't stand digital! I could afford one of these BMW's with Rolls emblems, but I'll never buy them new. Finally understand the W.O. Bentley crowd in the RROC, after 1931, and at least they remained British! The new DHC version and the next 09 "baby" Rolls Royce, both with sport buttons. Should be named Silver Faux's. I'm only 36 so have a few years to scoop up pmc's built buy Craftsmen at Crewe. I never liked BMW's or I would have bought one at some point, they are ugly and not built much better than a Volkswagen.
S.Brown, las vegas, USA
Trust The French .
It is a Fantastic vehicle & certainly looks better than a Peugot
Don, Timaru, New Zealand
It is probably the RR brand that make us wanted to see and explore -- will i buy if i have the money? might not buy coz it is not worth the price unless i buy it just for a show of force.
Anyway i like the color.
dennis, sydney, aussie
This car is certainly not a brick! More like a breeze block! Cant really say its elegant or sexy or that impressive really. Really does lack imagination. It looks like something Andrew Lloyd-Webber would drive. This car is aimed at the very fat rich cat with golfing trousers on.
David, London, UK
Looks like a badly molded Chinese toy.
Dan D'Lyon, Paris, France
Can't help noticing you're into Keira Knightley, metaphysically speaking. Suspect you'll have to take a number.
But Roller, come on. Hope I die before I get that old.
Andrew Milner, Karuizawa, Nagano
It really is gorgeous. I do agree it seems rather American though (I much prefer it with a roof on). You can be sure 50 Cent will have one soon. Makes me wish the Ocean Drive would be released by Mercedes. Now THAT would be a comparison...
Tanvir H, Lincoln, Lincolnshire
Here in Newport Beach, California, arguably the capitol of $$$ convertibles, you see quite a few of them. I'm not a fan, I just don't see how one can find the F430 beautiful and find this thing good looking. That's like comparing Kiera Knightly with Rosie O'Donnel. Sure they're both rich and well known, but I know whom I'd rather arrive with.
Gus, Los Angeles, USA / CA
It would suit Elton John in Vegas!
David, London, UK
The 'get up and go of a potato?!'. At 5.6sec to 60 no wonder potatoes are widely used in the fast food industry!
Jim Swanepoel, Northwood, Middlesex
Folks,
I am a Project Manager working on RR components for the interiour. So, you think I am biased - no way, however when I can afford an Roller Phantom customised as an estate with a towbar, I will go for it.
Even if my wife kills me slowly with a blunt knife !!
Wolf Bernard, Upton, UK
RR should have stopped making cars after the Silver Ghost, the only RR which really was 'the best car in the world'. After that, Mercedes took over. The best car in the world, i.e. the best designed and put-together and therefore the most reliable, is nowadays the Toyota.
Hein Maassen, Leidschendam, The Netherlands
it looks hidious and ridiculous,..
a wallowing old hector barge complete with wood decking, minus of course the anchor and 3 of its masts and rigging missing
typical drab and dreary German design,..a subtle sabotage of a proud British name.
Teutonic Ugliness by Stealth
AJ, london,
So what are you saying Jez - about as pointless, and expensive, as a Faberge egg?
Ken Leyland, Liverpool, U.K.
I for one rather like it... the car, the article, the humour, the wit, and the comments it has attracted. I get the distinct impression that the people who write the negative comments about how much fuel it uses etc are all drivers of Ford Diesels, or perhaps for the very daring amongst you - Peugeot's. I freely accept that not everyone is interested in motors - and for many it's just a form of transport - fair enough. But whilst Peter in Halifax makes the observation that we would like to read reviews on more 'run of the mill' motors, I have to ask, why?
I do not drive a super-flashy motor - it's a BMW costing no more than £35k, but I find it interesting to read of such phenomenal motors which are being produced by the most elite of manufacturers. Will I ever own one? Probably not. But for an enthusiast, vehicles like this are not to be ignored, and definitely something to read up on.
Keep up the good work Jeremy - what will you tease us with next?!
Chris, Lancashire, Lancashire
' you would have one yourself if it weren't so bloody expensive'
Come on Mr. clarkson you are a hypocrite. Don't insult your reader's intelligence by pretending that you are just a ordinary journalist on average income. It is unlike your personas not to admit you are one of the most highest paid journalists in this country let alone your earnings from TV work and lucrative book deals. Nothing succeeds like success, Mr. Clarkson just enjoys your fame and fortune but please don't patronise us by pretending that you find a Roller unaffordable!
Wing, Poole, UK
Another pointless oversized, overweight gas-guzzler. Totally irrelevant for UK driving conditions, and vulgar to boot. Leave it to the footballers, their wives and lottery winners...
Ben Garside, Loughborough, Leics
Is it just my imagination or are RRs really starting to look like Gerry Anderson designed them for Thunderbirds. Just paint it pink and see if it doesn't look identical to Lady Penelope's!
Roger, Luton, UK
I like it !
john195, Fremantle, Australia, W.A.
I'm not sure this car screams 'money' louder than it screams 'Incredible waste of'.
You would have to be a Royal Dunce to buy one.
Ricky, Cape Town, South Africa
Most of us, are anxious for honest evaluation on our normal type of transport - not the downright unusable vehicles now being reviewed.
There is never going to be an opportunity to drive at 100+ mph ever again in this land.
Why make, and shout about machines which are ever faster?
I have been there and done all of these things, and reached the conclusion that there are far better uses for my money than a freak car, at a freakish price, perhaps just to prove ones wealth and forever deny common sense?
Peter
Peter Avinou, Halifax, West Yorkshire
I can't help thinking that this thing looks like it has two different designs of headlights and neither compliments the other. One small and wide and the other round and chrome.Could the design team not make their minds, hence used both? There is something very wrong about the front. The words "designed by a committee" spring to mind.
Mike, Dover, Kent
Forget the Phantom, forget the Maybach -what you want is a Honda. Seating seven at 450mph, the HondaJet is the only way to get around. Costing twice as much as a Veyron, the order book is already rivalling Maybach's for numbers. Who wants rear seats inspired by first class cabins when you can get the whole plane to yourself? No reports of an open version, though.
Robert, Tokyo,
Looks like a brick.
Dan, stockport, cheshire
Sorry, Keira Knightley definitely is - incredible. I'd rather have the Bentley than the Rolls but neither, in fact, would be top of my list of cars that I'll never be able to afford! Julian - somewhere in Gloucestershire!
Julian Hatt, Stonehouse, Gloucestershire
If I was Mrs C, I wouldn't be so ungrateful. Riding in a Phantom? With Dr Dr Clarkson? It's the stuff dreams are made of.
That along with arriving in Keira Knightly of course... fabulous taste!
JezzaBelle, Somerset,
Given a choice, I'd take Keira Knightley in a heartbeat:) Not that there's much chance in life of my having either one. . .
Michael, Pueblo, Colorado, US
I should much prefer a 'thirty-nine Lagonda Rapide, or a 'thirty-four Hispano-Suiza Type 68 drophead. Each is a magnificent work ot art - beautifully designed and built to be indestructable. Neither the earlier Rolls nor the new one can compare.
Carl-Edward Endicott, Los Angeles, CA, U.S.A.
Turn up at the Oscars or the Monte Carlo Casino, how about a McDonalds drive thru, now that would be fun??
Gary Young, Ft Myers, Florida
Gary, Ft Myers, Florida
i walk past a rolls-royce garage on the way to and from work and i pause, every single time. these cars are incredible.
keira knightley isn't.
graeme graham, birmingham, uk
At last! I now have a valid excuse for not having managed to become a preposterously wealthy plutocrat and being forced to buy myself one of these excrescences.
Mrs Clarkson, I am totally on your side, it's a monumentally hideous beast. Your husband's summation of its role in the UK market, however, is equally spot on.
Mike, Corsham, Wiltshire
Sorry, too big and too square. I parked next to one in a pub car park outside Lancaster a couple of weeks ago. I was in Merc S500 Coupe ( the only coupe I know that's bigger than a small bungalow -and equally difficult to park ) and it made my Merc look like something by Dinky. How the hell would you get one into a multi-storey car park? Just buy a helicopter instead - cheaper and easier to park. The wooden shelf at the back end is rather wonderful though.
Michael Banks, Cockerham, Lancashire
I look forward to being run over by one[1] the next time I visit Hong Kong.
1) Probbaly while on a pedestrian crossing.
SteveK, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
The looks are rather ordinary in the German style of luxury cars. I attended an all British car show today and honestly the 1959 Jaguar sedan looks much better than this Rolls.
Michael, austin, usa
The Phantom Drophead is simply gorgeous. Especially its front headlamps. Gosh, the LEDs are superb. Could we just stick them to the sister Phantom limo, then?
tikiyong, KL, Malaysia
If you wanted to make an entrance and draw a crowd, you could have arrived on the back of a Hippopotamus. It would look better and be less expensive.
...and the horse you rode in on.
Tommy Jerk, Marlow, UK
After spending some time in Miami Beach (SoBe) on vacation I became quite sick of the Roller and its quasi-competitor the Continental. They were everywhere, never too exciting after day four or five rolled by. The occasional Continental GTC was exciting I suppose, but the Roller? Not so much.
On the subject of the Drophead, they should have changed the name to "Jaw-Drop" simply because this car is so beautiful. I mean, it isn't the best-looking big coupe on the road, but it is certainly one that catches people's attention due to its stance and overall sense of grandeur. Sure, a Ferrari has it's bark, and the Lamborghini is just outrageous, but this Roller? It just screams "MONEY" and people come in droves.
I'll take mine in the two-tone silver on blue, preferably with a cream leather interior.
Brad Y, Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA
"Arriving anywhere here in such a thing is the same as arriving with a Rolex at an NUM reunion. But arriving in a Drophead at the Oscars or at the casino in Monte Carlo would be more impressive, I suspect, than arriving in Keira Knightley"
"arriving in Keira Knightley" ... Quality Clarkson.
yes, uk, uk
Henry Gurwood's first reaction was correct; there are number of them driving around Los Angeles and despite the high price tag and mechanical marvels, it is surely the most ugly vehicle that has ever carried the RR trademark. The redesigned grille, set at a modest angle, is of no aesthetic assistance and indeed, the whole thing looks elephantine - indeed, "what a beast."
David Cunard, Los Angeles, USA
I'd have it if I had the dough.
I used to feel exactly the way Clarkson does about Rollers, and when I saw the pics of this one, I thought it was hideous.
But when I saw one on the street, I changed my mind. It has incredible presence. It looks fantastic. What a beast.
Henry Gurwood, London,