Andrew Frankel
Your last chance to get tickets to Top Gear Live
If you own a fairly new car, there’s a good chance that if you attempt to drive it without your seatbelt fastened, it will sound a warning bell at you. If, like me, you happen to find such audible warnings so irritating that you want to rip the chiming device from the dashboard, do not buy this new Citroën C5 Tourer, a car that wouldn’t be more nannying if filled with an entire convent of Maria von Trapps.
If you dare open the door without first applying the handbrake, it bings angrily at you. Shut down the engine and open the door without first turning off the lights, and it bongs reproachfully. You can’t even engage reverse without it bleeping at you.
In addition, the one I drove was fitted with an optional extra that would not let me drive slowly down a narrow lane without sounding alternate notes of caution – flashing a warning triangle on the dashboard and vibrating my buttocks (I’m not joking) every time I was naughty enough to cross a broken white line in the middle of the road without indicating. I wanted to see what would happen if I crossed a lane with the lights on, while driving with the door open, seatbelt unbuckled, but I was too frightened the car would have an apoplectic fit and explode.
At first it clouded my view of what turned out to be an interesting take on the estate-car art. Despite Citroën’s curious “unmistakably German” ad campaign for the C5, what I liked best about it was how French in general and Citroën in particular it felt. Soft suspension settings that let you see the nose rise and fall as you accelerate and brake are not usually to my taste, because they often mean the car handles like a boat (as indeed the C5 does). In an estate car with all the sporting credentials of an arthritic labrador, however, the reward – ride quality that would shame some Jaguars – is worth it.
Also, as with so many Citroëns of the past 50 years, you can choose self-levelling suspension for your C5 estate, which not only keeps the car on an even keel, regardless of what you’re carrying, but also means that at the press of a button you can drop it to its knees and load your shopping at not much more than ankle height. Start the engine and it returns at once to normal.
Best of all, if your C5 comes with an electrically closing tailgate, you can program it to open to a certain height so you don’t smash it into the roof of a garage or multi-storey car park. This attention to detail, and items such as the detachable torch that doubles as a boot light when not in use, show how closely Citroën has concentrated on getting the minutiae right, and in this type of car, that matters. Unfortunately, what also matters is how much clobber you can carry, and here the C5 is shamed by most rivals, particularly the Ford Mondeo and Vauxhall Vectra estates.
If you can live with this limitation, and with the nannying, little else is likely to irk you about a C5 Tourer, particularly one fitted with the 2.2 litre diesel motor. Unlike most four-cylinder diesels, it’s acceptably refined even when started from cold, and is near enough inaudible at a sensible cruise. It teams up with that accommodating suspension and excellent seats to create a sense of quiet you’d be happy to find in a considerably more expensive car. Yet when you show it the stick it responds promptly enough.
Finally, and to lend some credence to Citroën’s suggestion that this is a car the Germans could have built, the quality of most of the materials is a notch above that of Citroëns of old. Only the small and tediously fiddly switchgear on the centre console smacks of a nonGerman approach.
Overall, then, the C5 Tourer slots credibly enough into its class. A Mondeo is better by far, both to drive and to shift white goods around with, but at least the Citroën offers a pleasingly unorthodox style and exceptional comfort – the two hallmarks of all the great cars in the marque’s history. If your requirements are more for an unusually capacious hatchback than for a dedicated load carrier, and as long as it has the 2.2 litre diesel engine, it should suit well. I’d just make sure the dealer agreed to disable all those chimes before I took delivery.
Vital statistics
Model Citroën C5 Tourer 2.2 HDi 16v Exclusive
Engine type 2179cc, four cylinders
Power / torque 173bhp @ 4000rpm / 273lb ft @ 1750rpm
Transmission Six-speed manual
Fuel / CO2 42.8mpg / 175g/km
Performance 0-62mph: 10.4sec / top speed: 134mph
Price £22,495
Tax band E (£170 a year)
Verdict An imaginative and distinctive estate but not a class-leader
Release date Now
The opposition
Model Ford Mondeo 2.2 TDCi Titanium X Estate £24,405
For Best load carrier in the class and good to drive
Against Interior design already dating; quite expensive
Model Renault Laguna Sport Tourer Initiale 2.0 dCi 175 £23,920
For Effective, comfortable long-distance cruiser
Against Dull to look at, even duller to drive
Ford cars look and feel like Transit vans: is that a good thing for Transit's or bad things for their cars?
Rob, Brum, UK