At some point, no one knows why or when, the words “freshers’ week” became shorthand for The Best Seven Days of Your Life. They are not. An exciting adventure, free from home? Yes. A week punctuated by encounters with the weird and chronically wacky, most probably. But the high point of your time on Earth? Unlikely. So, with that first myth now sufficiently debunked, here are a few survival tips to get you through this essential, amusing and exhausting week.

In the time between unloading the family car in the halls of residence car park and the first lecture, you will be expected to complete some essential administrative tasks.

Everyone will tell you about the importance of registering with a doctor and attending the library induction. But everyone knows that the most important thing in the first week of a student’s life is finding new friends.

Think of it as the first week in the Big Brother house, just with extra form-filling and more gap years. Don’t be intimidated by the popularity contest. The irritating ones soon fade into the peripheries of the Gliding Club and the Unicyclists’ Association. Others will last a few weeks before disappearing off your radar completely. A few will forever be remembered as “The One Who . . .”; try not to become one of them.

Guide to student societies and clubs

Cliquey clubs that embody the worst of uni drinking culture, or fun groups that aid your CV and social life?

BACKGROUND

• How to make friends in Freshers' Week

• Surviving the first day

Related Internet Links

• Good University Guide

• University league table

• Freshers' starter pack

You may make lifelong friends during the queue for your matriculation cards or in the freshers’ fair scrum for discount cards and drinking tokens. The chances are that you will endure the same conversation — “where are you from and what are you studying?” — a thousand times with people you will spend the next three years trying to avoid.

But, in your own time, you will be able to take full advantage of a social spectrum that is impossible to find in any school. And therein lies the beauty of freshers’ week: the freedom to introduce yourself to as many people as you like, without being socially suspect and with few having any preconception of who you are or what you are about — to be a clean slate.

Indeed, the most common mistake a fresher makes is to attempt friendships with everybody and anybody. But it is a mistake worth making. Speak to the intense American with whom you have nothing in common. Share a joke with the lawyers, who are rarely as funny as they think. Create that bond with the medic you will never see again once they meet other medics.

Each university has its signature sub group. When I was at Edinburgh University, it was The Yahs (privileged types incapable of saying “yes”) and more specifically, “Ethno-Yahs”. You recognise them as the ones swathed in ethnic fabrics that they picked up while building a school for the blind in Tanzania. They probably know some Swahili. Do not be impressed.

If you are going to be living in halls, leave your door open, keep a jar of coffee, a few clean mugs and a packet of biscuits on the go at all times, and befriend the night porter. If you are in a flat, bond with your flatmates but do not listen when they say it will be easier to put all the bills in your name.

Try to get as much of the boring but necessary bureaucracy under your belt in the first few days, while intentions are still good. As far as drinking is concerned, accept as many invitations as you can. If you do not have anyone to go with, go anyway. Make sure you know what is going on, and where. Beware: there will always be someone who can drink more than you, so do not try to impress by drinking your own bodyweight in tequila. If someone buys you a cocktail named Brain Haemorrhage (Baileys and peach schnapps), they are not being funny; they are being sadistic. Don’t drink it.

Abandon all hope of continuing that relationship with your current boyfriend or girlfriend, and do snog strangers. It is the only time in your adult life, possibly with the exception of the next few New Year’s Eves, that you will have an excuse.

Try not to pass out, unless you have made friends who will notice you are missing. Crucially, if you are in a new town or city, familiarise yourself with the no-go areas. A drunken disorientated student is an easy victim.

Ultimately, during those inevitable moments when you may feel less than the life and soul, remember: you are about to indulge in years of pub crawls, club nights, romances and, perhaps, an education. Just get freshers’ week over and let the real fun begin.

How to survive freshers' week

- Choose your own nickname. If there are lots of others called James, chances are you will end up with something creepy such as Jimbo.

- Blag as much free stuff as you can, to try to offset the costs of your fees.

- If you have a car, learn the difference between people who like you and those who like lifts.

- Do not assume people are fascinated by your tales of washing lepers in the Limpopo —everybody is doing it these days.

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