We all have our insecurities, and it's only natural to feel a twinge of jealousy if your squeeze is particularly close to a friend or colleague. But what if your suspicions become more persistent? How do you dispel these demons from your mind without raising the subject and potentially looking like a paranoid bunny boiler? The answer could be right in front of you. Your partner's mobile phone or laptop winking at you temptingly - full of proof - either of their innocence or their infidelity. Do you take the risk and take a peek at their inbox? Or is is an unforgivable breach of privacy, equal to the crime you're trying to uncover?

HE SAID:

Hey - while you're at it why don't you break in to his house under the cover of darkness, steal and photocopy his diary? Or maybe secretly hypnotise him and draw out his subconscious motivations that way? Under no circumstances is it ok to pry. It's as simple as that. If this is what your relationship has come to, then a possible flirtation with a colleague is the least of your worries. What you're dealing with is a fundamental breakdown in trust and communication. It might seem like a tiny thing, a quick glance while his back is turned - but think about what it represents. Whether it's justified or not, you are not being given basic reassurance that you need, and this needs to be addressed, out in the open.

And what if you were to find something that looks incriminating? How might that conversation play out? "so, I was snooping through your private emails..." your stance as the wounded party is suddenly looking very shaky. A flirtatious email taken out of context can be a dangerous thing, and you could find yourself with a perfectly reasonable explanation, and one very disappointed partner on your hands. Address it, explain your fears - and ultimately, if you still don't trust them then it sounds like it's the relationship that needs to be deleted.

SHE SAID:

In an ideal world we would all have found the perfect partner, one who nurtures our relationship, speaks honestly and freely and who you trust implicitly. There would be no exes, no pretty girls in your partner's office and never a doubt in your mind that they will be true to you forever. There would also be perpetual world peace, no crime and we'd all look gorgeous all the time. In reality, there are bad people and they do bad things, and sometimes you have to look out for yourself. As anyone who has been cheated on will attest, half the pain is the wounded pride and the sense that you were the last to know. If your partner is genuinely behaving suspiciously, of course the first step should be to broach the subject. But if your fears continue after a denial - what then? Why would they tell you if they are cheating? Under the circumstances, it's just a small act of self preservation.

The key is not to get caught - be opportunistic and efficient. Once you have had a look, you can decide how to use the information. Think through every possible explanation for what you have found - this option should be a last resort and not just because you fancy knowing what he's got you for your birthday. But if the worst should happen, and your instincts are confirmed - at least you are armed with some knowledge and power which will make the inevitable showdown easier to bear.

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