Internet Gambling

Keen to eke out that student loan as far as it will go? Then put it all down on the table and start rolling the dice! With no sign of a return to grants, the only responsible and sensible financial option open to many students today is the carefree life of the professional gambler. With the advent of wireless broadband there’s no longer any need to even leave your own bed. Just remember: always double down on an eleven. If you don’t know what that means, the world of online gambling awaits your arrival all the more eagerly.

Essay ‘Consultant’

Unbelievably, companies now exist that attempt to hire students to research and write ‘model essays’ for other students to use as ‘aids to study’. Even more unbelievably, there are students prepared to take the work. God forbid that any buyers would treat these companies dishonestly enough to hand this work in as their own, though some have raised the possibility of such an immoral transaction. So, if you’re capable, intelligent and determined to devalue your own degree by doing someone else’s, the opportunity to live like a king beckons.

Call centre

Student’s are a shoe-in for call centre work. The key skill required, an ability to answer the telephone, is an essential part of the university application process. This means there is no need for managers to carry out the extensive testing and training usually lavished on new employees. As a temp in such places, your job is inevitably to shield the senior staff from callers by lying to them. Being full timers, they are sick of interminable explanations of the minute dysfunctions of objects as seemingly unproblematic as pencils or spoons. So, if you’re bored of concocting ways to waste your time, then take this job and apply yourself to wasting someone else’s.

Escort work

Student days awash with good sex but short on cash? Why not reverse the problem by taking work as a escort! You too could soon be sitting opposite an exciting succession of crones or codgers who laugh before the punch line of your jokes and pretend to be interested in your opinion of Ben Jonson. And that is very definitely just the start of an evening of fun…

Busking

Not really a job this one. And no guarantee of any take home cash at the end if it either. Your best bet is probably to try and get someone to pay you to shut up. Best start building that one-man-band bagpipes and bongo rig now and you’ll soon be rolling in generous quantities of cash, not to mention abuse, from your fellow man.

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