Oliver Shah
Attend an evening with Andre Agassi

The sports team night out: For many it’s the formative experience of higher education, with all the magic ingredients of camaraderie, lager and chicken tikka. Just make sure the naan bread stays on the table. Nick Brereton, 25, a natural sciences postgraduate student at Imperial, remembers: “When I first arrived we had a night out that became known as the Battle of Bengal Cuisine. The starters were just coming in when a food fight started. One of the chefs came out of the kitchen with a massive rolling pin, the whole thing got a bit out of hand, and we ended up getting escorted to the tube station by the police.”
The student union election speech: It’s hustings night, you’ve got your heart set on becoming JCR president, and you’ve got a killer speech memorised. What next? A little drink to calm those nerves, of course. But Tom Coats, 24, a medical student at Cambridge, warns: “As the hour got closer, I took myself to the pub round the corner with a couple of close friends to build up my confidence. I must have had one too many because I just remember standing up, forgetting most of my speech, and promising naked mud-wrestling as one of my only policies. The bar fell silent.”
The random house party: Rolling up to a house packed with strangers and pumping music is all part of the student experience, but knowing your host’s name can be advantageous. John Brewin, 24, a medical student at King’s, recalls: “I got really drunk and went to a house party where I didn’t really know anyone. I went straight into the toilet, vomited profusely, and fell asleep on the sofa. A few days later in the pub I had to be re-introduced to the guy whose house it was and I had no idea who he was, which was a bit embarrassing.”
The university newspaper power struggle: Everyone loves the glamour of the student rag with its free gig tickets and experimental fashion pages. The problem is everyone wants to be editor – and they’ll do anything to prove it. Lucy Brown, 22, an English student at Exeter, says: “One of my mates put himself up to be editor of our student newspaper. His downfall was the approach he took to his election speech, which was to stand up and tear up the newspaper in front of everyone, and call it a load of rubbish. He thought he was on to a winner. Everyone else thought he was a prat.”
The drinking society initiation: When Rachel Harding, a 23-year-old architecture student at Cambridge, was invited out with her college’s drinking society she was flattered. As she read down the invite, though, she saw she’d have to dress up as a French maid and go through a variety of bizarre rituals to make the grade. She says she is glad she eventually decided to refuse: “I drew the line when it came to that. I realised I didn’t want to get carried away with wacky society mentality.”
The awkward chance encounter: Since the swinging sixties free love has come as standard for many, which is all the more reason to use protection. One anonymous University of London student recalls a red-faced moment at the STD clinic: “I went to the clinic and walked into the waiting room only to bump into an ex-girlfriend. It was a bit of a nightmare. I don’t know whether it was worse for me or her.”
The tall tale: Ever felt tempted to stretch the truth? It’s easy to get carried away in the blur of freshers’ week when people start reeling out anecdotes – but if you do feel yourself being borne away on the wings of fiction, keep track of your porkies. One anonymous law student at Nottingham Trent says: “A friend told us all his cousin was in The Libertines. By the time his cousin came to visit he’d forgotten all about it, but we obviously hadn’t. When we brought it up he looked a bit silly and everyone started cracking up.”
The dare that goes wrong: The cheap drinks are flowing, your bravado levels are high and your friends are cooking up all kinds of dares for each other. What could possibly go wrong? It’s all about knowing when to say no, says Alice Stanners, 24, an American studies student from King’s: “It was the first week of term and we were sitting around in our student house doing dares. One of my friends downed a pint of her own wee. It went round all the halls that she’d done it and she didn’t get laid for three years.”
The nickname that sticks: For anyone burdened with an unfortunate nickname at school, the first term represents a golden opportunity to wipe the slate clean and start again. It’s all a matter of making sure you don’t pick up another one, says Abi Young, 23, a history of art graduate from Leeds: “This guy in our halls was playing rugby at the start of term and he managed to bite someone’s face in a tackle. The rugby boys started calling him Dog, and it caught on so much that after a while a lot of people didn’t even know his real name.”
The culinary disaster: Inevitably for most people starting university the staple diet will consist of various tinned things on toast, canteen food and the occasional splurge in Pret A Manger, but even so it’s worth mastering the basics to avoid humiliation in the kitchen. Ben Morgan, 24, a history graduate from UCL, remembers: “There was one girl who had so little experience of cooking when she arrived in our self-catered hall that she read the recipe ‘boil an egg’ and stuck an egg in the kettle. She was known for that for a long time.”
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