AA Gill: Table Talk
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So soon has it come to this: food that has been airlifted can’t, shan’t, won’t be considered organic. So, if you want a climatically ethical life, don’t nosh anything fresh from abroad.
On the other hand, I expect those of you who want to live proper will also continue to fight ceaselessly for the cancellation of Third World debt and the tearing down of EU trade barriers that so cruelly penalise African agrarian economies, to allow them to sell their surplus cash crops freely to us. Except, of course, that they’ll have to deliver them by bike.
I was pontificating at a literary festival a couple of weeks ago, and was asked if, as a travel writer, I didn’t feel chronically guilty about my priapic carbon spoor. Because I flew, the questioner suggested, I could no longer consider myself organic and fit for human edification.
Now, I’m as concerned about the temperature and wasting the world as you are – probably more. I’ve actually flown to see Greenland’s ice receding like Jonathon Porritt’s hair. I have flown to gawp at the Aral sea of sand and the parched grassland of East Africa. I have flown to hear the 24-hour chain-saw autopsy of the rainforests. And I don’t for a moment deny the science of heat or mitigate the consequences.
But let me tell you, you Peruvian-hatted puritan apostles of grassy nihilism, the single hottest problem facing the planet is not global warming, but the viciously smug fundamentalist prohibitionists of the green movement. Those wholemealy-mouthed ecologists, who devoutly wish to reduce everyone else’s existence to a self-righteous nose-drip probity that never moves more than four miles from the communal yurt, never eats anything that hasn’t been grown in the communal dung and never thinks anything that isn’t collectively miserabilist, are going to destroy life as we know it faster than an equator of traffic jams, a continent of unlagged lofts and a squadron of circling jumbos.
Because, have no doubt, we go into the future either all together or not at all. This isn’t a deal where the elect make it and the reprobates don’t. You have to take everyone. And Jeremy Clarkson. What is stopping vast numbers of perfectly decent concerned folk getting with the programme is the eye-rolling, dismissive loathing of the people yelling at them to get with the programme. Frankly, they would rather go up in smoke than share a tent with you lot. And they have a point. The stuff people want you to give up is always things that they have already chosen not to do or wouldn’t ever want to do, or couldn’t afford.
Nobody says: “I could have been a racing driver, but I ride a bike now for the butterflies.” It’s always: “I’m a vegan. Stop murdering animals, you bastards.”
As I was at a literary festival, I thought I might point out an unnoticed but enormous global waste – books. Do you know how many books are published in this country every year? Think of a figure, double it and times by your age: 206,000. More than any other country in the world. America vomits out 172,000. Oman, by comparison, publishes seven; Niger, five. The total number of books published in 1996 was 1,170,620. That’s new books. And it’s an underestimate. Given an average print run of, say, 5,000, that makes about 5.85 billion books a year. Each costs about £1.30 to make. How much cash is that? How many trees is that? How much trapped CO2 released back into the atmosphere? How much bleach and chemicals? How much power to run plant, dyes and glues and packaging and marketing? How much transport? How much effort?
In the UK, we buy 296m books a year and read fewer than a fifth of them. Paper publishing is a bigger polluter and waster of resources than all the air miles flown. Every book could be written once and put on the internet. But the eco-sermonisers never mention any of that. They never go for books, because they all fancy themselves as the next Lovelock or a bit of a Rousseau. They all want to write half a dozen.
This week’s restaurant is, I think, only the third ever to refuse to have a photograph taken of its insides. The other two were the Ivy and the Caprice, which did it for privacy’s sake. I assume Dim T was just being modest. And, as Churchill said, it has a lot to be modest about. This is part of a small chain that stretches from Tunbridge Wells to Nottingham by way of Highgate and, now, Gloucester Road, in west London, where it has taken over the site of the old Texas Lone Star, beloved of my children because of its glutinous milk shakes and pinball machines.
Dim T (not a name to conjure with) is sort of beginner’s oriental food for people who think Pot Noodles are a sophisticated treat. I rarely come across food that I really, really can’t force down through squeamish disgust – I feel it would be a professional failing. But Dim T served up the disgust that squeams not once, but half a dozen times. When the waiter took our laden plates away, surveyed our faces burkaed with napkins and asked if everything was all right, if I had been able to open my mouth with safety, I would have said: “You tell me.” The nicest thing you could say about the dim sum is that it was what you imagine dog food would be like if it was stuffed into wet Wonder Bread and steamed until it gave up.
Chicken, cashew nut and coriander looked like a hippo’s inflamed tonsil; the smell of it was like vinegar in the eyes. With noodles, you chose an ingredient (meat, fish, chicken), a noodle (rice, wheat, egg) and a “topping” (spicy, healthy, Thai, teriyaki) and then flipped a coin for either wokked or soup. The Blonde had salmon, Japanese noodles and Hong Kong topping as soup. What arrived was a daunting bowl of stuff that was the colour of beetroot water, though disturbingly nothing solid in it was red, and it tasted as though there was nothing in it at all. A spicy chicken soup was a large bowl of thin, hot, smelly water. My wokked pork fillet with egg noodles was a foul, grey, greasy, overcooked confection that you might expect to find in a fire station or a sixth-form common room. I have never met a Pot Noodle I wouldn’t have preferred.
Altogether, this is as bad a concept and execution in a restaurant as I have come across for years. It’s not even so bad that it’s amusing. It’s just so bad, it’s so bad. The last thing the Blonde said as I turned out the lights that night was: “I think I’m being stalked by a prawn, crushed peanut and coriander dumpling.”
154-156 Gloucester Road, SW7; 020 7370 0070 Mon-Sun, noon-11pm
5 stars: Dim of praise
4 stars: Nice but dim
3 stars: Dim sum
2 stars: Dim and dimmer
1 star: Diminished responsibility

AA Gill is a features writer and restaurant critic for The Sunday Times and he writes regular travel pieces for The Sunday Times Magazine, for which he has won two Glenfiddich Awards
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I disagree with this review. I find the food here really good and quite cheap. If you want something more 'involved' and fancy it's not the place to go, but for a cheap eat it's good.
Sophie , London,
The food and service is not bad. I know that i should not try expresso in chinese resturant. The english waitress not friendly respond me when i complained the coffee was not right.
RAFFAELE, winchester, hants.
I totally disagree with the review. I found DIM T absolutely beautiful including the food..The service was great..First Impression..I will say incredibly brillant,fantastic food...
Toyin, London, United Kingdom
Wasn't impressed by this place. The cocktails were made from concentrate with no water, so extremely artificial and sweet. The steamed dim sum was delicious, but my main "healthy noodles with tofu" was really oily and extremely salty (I'm a salt lover but this was ridiculous). It had been flavoured with msg or similar so all in all tasted very unhealthy. Definitely wouldnt go back.
Heather, London,
Have to agree with AA, went for a meal at Dim T with friends last night and it was dreadful. I always like to try the wonton noodle soup in a restaurant to see whether it's as good as my mum's (never is, I'm a glutton for punishment); the wontons were flavourless and looked like tiny, shrivelled testes; the soup was was over seasoned with pepper and the noodles were mush. Simply avoid.
Ling, London,
Try using an iLiad instead of printing on paper. Carry all your books, documents, and newspapers on a handy lightweight device that uses eighty five times less energy to display a page as it takes to print it on a desktop printer. This does not take into account the power to make the paper, distribute it or to dispose of it. www.iliadreader.co.uk
peter blanchard, ruthin, denbighshire
We know AA Gill is sincere in his ecological views, but what therefore would he make of scientists Ian Stewart and Jack Cohen's assertion that:
'If you want to reduce atmospheric carbon dioxide permanently, and not just cut short-term emissions, the best bet is to build up a big library at home, locking carbon into paper, or put plenty of asphlat on roads. These don't sound like green activities, but they are. You can cycle on the roads if it makes you feel better.'
Ian Dennis, Reading, UK
Totally agree with Gill re the self righteous greens but I cannot help feeling that his dyslexia may explain his phobia about books.
Ian, Frederick , USA
The spinach dumplings are the best in London!
Tammy, london,
AA Gil, hilarious!!! Can't think of a time when I have laughed out loud so much. I loved your bit on the green movement but the section about the Lone Star - brilliant! Can't say I'm not a fan of dim sum (although I haven't tried the delights of this new place) but I will say I was a HUGE fan of The Lone Star. It is right across the road from my house in London (sadly I don't live there stil so don't get to the Lone Star any more - well I def can't now can I?) but I have had many many a wonderful evening there over the years. Right from the gorgeous salsa dip at the bar while you waited to the cheese laden nachos (never ever found nachos to match since) and HUGE racks of ribs. I've had everything from dates as a single Londoner to romantic (?) evenings with my husband there but never had the chance to take the kids there. What a shame - it was actually on our To Do list for our family trip to London this summer. May the Lone Star RIP - What a GREAT place it was.
Helen Humphrey, Newcastle upon Tyne, UK
For once Gill has gone over the top...clearly put out because someone had said no to the big man and wouldn't allow him to take a photo. I have always enjoyed my meals at Dim T. They are local cheap and cheerful nights out and on that note perhaps it would have been useful to mention that you can eat for £15 a head!!!
Lucy, London,
Well I can believe that anyone has had a bad experience at my newest favourite restaurant. I have nothing but good things to say about my now two great evenings at Dim T, I found the food to be top, compared with similar restaurants of its calibre.
Personally I am a stickler for good service, competent staff and pleasant surroundings when you are spending reasonable money, we felt Dim T total satisfied these needs and more.
I was recommended to dine at Dim T by friends who had told me of there impressive visits.
I found reading Gills review odd and feel that we cant have eaten in the same restaurant. But will say I have always enjoyed his reviews and mostly agreed when comparing with my own thoughts.
William Laing, Sutton, Surrey
I don't know what you're complaining about. You are in Britain, aren't you?
grenouille, Melbourne, Australia,
When the waiter took our laden plates away, surveyed our faces burkaed with napkins and asked if everything was all right, if I had been able to open my mouth with safety, I would have said: You tell me.
Yeah Gill, copped out again.
Tim, Bangkok, Thailand
Given that books are primarily composed of carbon their production should serve to reduce atmospheric CO2 as long as trees are replanted after felling.
Hamilton, London,
I have to agree with Gill - went there a couple of weeks ago and was appalled by the food. The vegetables were dripping in grease, the texture of the dim sum was like regurgitated baby food and the main's were tasteless lumps of something. It was almost as bad as the noodles I had in Miami airport (which one could only describe as a mixture of soggy cardboard and grease) but at least I found a bit of meat in this portion. I get the sense that there was not one chinese person in the kitchen or at least one person familiar with cooking chinese food. I think the the "chef" was cooking by numbers but unfortunately couldn't count.
Adrian, London, UK
Brilliant!. Just brilliant. Prepare to be libelled on "SourceWatch" any minute now!
Andy Murphy, Blackheath, UK
Exactly right. I am now going to be really bad: buy a book, go the airport and eat a burger while waiting for the flight. No remorse.
James Leal, San Francisco, CA
strictly speaking, the state of the Aral Sea is the result of a Soviet agricultural legacy rather than a human induced change in climate. If anything, the Aral Sea situation is improving at the moment...
NC, London,
ahh Gill. How you amuse me.
Jim, Cranleigh, UK
oh dear, some of you british really behave like children (or a member of the bush adminstration). face it: you ar esooo behind the rest of europe in everything that has to do with ecology, and still you manage to be both ignorant and plain stupid. when will you wake up?
apicus, mainland europe,
Mr Gill, you are suppose to be a restaurant reviewer. You write 13 paragraph review. The first 9 paragraphs are unrelated and not very amusing twaddle (ZZZZzzzzz) and the remaining 4 paragraphs are the review. Are your reviews any good? No. Do I trust your opinion? No? Maybe you can learn a few things or too from your fellow colleague Mr Winner. He does write twaddle but at least it is amusing and even though I don't agree with some of his reviews, at least I find them informative and I do respect his opinion.
Sam, London,
I've eaten at DimT a few times & think they offer very tasty food. This review is dreadfully pompous!
Mark , Wadhurst, East Sussex
I've eaten at Dim T many times. Very good, I reckon. This review is terribly pompous.
Mark , Wadhurst, East Sussex