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Adam and Eve were the first couple to have sex, and it’s no coincidence that their biblical story is founded on a spare rib and an apple. Barbecue sauce and tarte tatin came later, as humanity learnt to create tasty food from quality raw ingredients.
Survival is the most basic of human instincts. We can’t do that without eating, nor can we do it without procreating; they are two sides of the same coin, inextricably conjoined throughout history.
As the Chilean writer Isabel Allende says: “If cookbooks make up part of your library, books on eroticism should, too.” And in Aphrodite, her wonderfully bawdy memoir-cum-cookbook, she writes: “The most intense carnal pleasure, enjoyed at leisure in a clandestine, rumpled bed, a perfect combination of caresses, laughter and intellectual games, has the taste of a baguette, prosciutto, French cheese and Rhine wine.” I’m not sure about the Rhine wine (Black Tower and Blue Nun have a lot to answer for), but she’s bang on with the rest of it. How else do you suppose Casanova managed to roger his way through Italy and France, other than by employing as his weapons of seduction the finest produce those gastronomic paradises could provide?
Nowadays, of course, if we ate only to survive we’d all be on the Nasa diet, consuming shuttle-crew rations of reconstituted mush containing all the required protein, vitamins and minerals. Similarly, if we had sex only to procreate, it would all be over in seconds (and before a regiment of women puts pen to paper to tell me that nine times out of ten it already is, OK, I give in). Most of us want more than that from sex, and from food; we crave sensual pleasure, the gratification of as many senses as possible — sight, smell, taste, touch. We always have done. Why do you suppose the toga was invented? When Caligula had had his fill of roast meat, grapes, figs and wine, and wished to proceed to the next stage of the orgy, he didn’t want to be fiddling with buckles.
If you doubt that food and sex have so much in common, turn to Nature; and look no further than the first letter of the alphabet. Pick up an asparagus spear. Observe that thick, woody stalk, tapering towards the tip before expanding into a bulbous head and...ooh, er, missus. There can be few culinary activities more erotic than feeding to your beloved a tender asparagus spear dripping with melted butter; messy, but undoubtedly erotic.
Then there’s the avocado: from the Aztec ahuacatl, which means “testicle tree” — but slice one in half longways, remove the stone and...well, use your imagination. In other languages and cultures, ripe fruit has long had female anatomical associations. Last year they opened a restaurant near where I live called La Figa. Among the local Italian community there was a mixture of outrage and giggles, depending on their level of prudishness. I never understood why, till an Italian friend told me to slice a fig in half. Ah yes, now I get it.
The letter A also stands, of course, for aphrodisiac. Fact or wishful fantasy? Who knows — but if it works for you, go for it. You would be in good company. Many ancient civilisations believed that something that resembled a sexual organ must logically possess sexual powers — eg ginseng , rhinoceros horn and oysters.
The Ancient Greeks, including Pliny and Dioscorides, all agreed that certain foods had aphrodisiac qualities, although they couldn’t agree on what those foods were. Some swore by aniseed and almonds, some by bananas and basil, others by carrots and chocolate, others still by garlic and ginger. But then, trust the killjoys of the United States Food and Drug Adminstration to subject all this jollity to a brisk cold shower. In 1989 the FDA declared that “ the reputed sexual effects of so-called aphrodisiacs are based in folklore, not fact” and “there is no scientific proof that any aphrodisiacs work”.
Who needs scientific proof? I’m with Los Van Van, the great Latin salsa band, and one of my favourite songs: No Me Toques La Puerta, El Negro Está Cocinando, which means Don’t Knock At My Door, The Black Guy’s Cooking. And if you think that has anything literally to do with either doors or cooking, then you’re either very innocent or extremely naïve.
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