You know what it’s like: hordes for dinner, and panic in the kitchen is about to set in. Don’t let it. With a bit of inspiration, some forward planning and the courage to try something new, you can make your cooking a triumph. From twists on the classic recipes, and delicious alternatives to the traditional bird and pud, to timings, nibbles and seriously vampy veg, we’ve got Christmas under control for you

Starters made simple

Imagine the perfect Christmas dinner. Candles lit, a beautifully decorated table glittering with silver, glass and crackers, the air fragrant with the scent of roast turkey – the very idea fills one with a warm glow. Now consider the reality: a lovely table, gorgeous smells, contented guests and, amid a pile of dirty pots and pans, a stressed, dishevelled cook. Seeking perfection in a domestic kitchen at Christmas is the hardest call for even the most experienced of chefs.

So, all these recipes aim to make your life easier. Plan ahead by following my timeline as closely as you can – and, if you get a little behind schedule, put out some nibbles for the baying crowds and they’ll never even notice.

ANYONE FOR A NIBBLE?

Guests always seem to arrive when you’re juggling the basting of the bird with stirring the gravy, and the sprouts are starting to boil over. So, keep a few of these at the ready, stick them on a platter and, no matter how stressed you’re feeling, you’ll look as if you’ve got all the right party tricks up your sleeve.

— Bigham’s Gourmet Drunken Devils on Horseback – a boozy version of prunes wrapped in bacon, and a lot nicer than they sound. £6.99, from Waitrose

— The roasted Spanish piquancy of Brindisa’s Marcona almonds is a near addiction for Eddie Hart, owner of the Spanish restaurant Barrafina.£3.95 for 150g, from Brindisa, Borough Market, SE1; www.brindisa.com

— Fortnum & Mason’s olive tapenade is delicious with rye crackers – or simply with a spoon.£5.25; www.fortnumandmason.com

— Nibbles don’t come much simpler than Olive Nere Cassanesi – Calabrian black olives marinated with herbs and chilli.£4.95; www.carluccios.com

— Maria Balfour, of the premium food service Effortless Eating, loves Doctor Karg’s emmenthal-cheese and pumpkin-seed biscuits (£1.85, from www.optimumfoods.co.uk), served with Waitrose pecorino and pine-nut dip (£1.59 for 200g).

— His high-class take on ready meals is the height of good taste. Serve Tom Aikens’s tomato and apple chutney with cubes of cheese.£4.95; www.tomskitchen.co.uk

— Beetroot is good for the heart, and at Christmas you should take your health kicks where you can find them. Taste the Difference beetroot and horseradish dip, £1.49, from Sainsbury’s

— With the 1970s vibe coming back into style, dish out some Daylesford Organic brazil nuts for a healthier, more modern twist on Abigail’s Party. £2.95, from Selfridges

— We’ve all been passing its food off as our own for years, and here’s something else you could have made earlier: mini smoked-salmon and soft-cheese bagels. £4.99 for 12, from Marks & Spencer

— Sara Adams, from the top London restaurant Kensington Square Kitchen, always gives guests wasabi nuts – delicious and, happily, a superfood.£2.39 for 250g, from Whole Foods Market; 020 7368 4500

WHERE TO GET YOUR BIRD

— KellyBronze turkey, for the most gamey, dense-fleshed bird around. From £60.25; www.kelly-turkeys.com

— Free-range organic turkey, hand-plucked and hung for at least a fortnight.From £70; www.copas.co.uk/turkey

— An organic free-range bird, from one of the most experienced organic producers (in its 20th year).From £40.95; www.graigfarm.co.uk

— Free-range Blue Slate turkey is the most sumptuous in the supermarkets. £7 per kg, from Asda

— Fortnum & Mason’s free-range turkey comes with its own device to show when it is done.From £63; www.fortnumandmason.com

IT’S HOW BIG?

Never mind avian flu – the nation is suffering from turducken syndrome (as in turkey, duck, chicken), the craze of eating not one bird at Christmas, but three or more, boned, stuffed and tucked inside each other like an edible Russian doll. There’s barely a mail-order farm shop or food hall in Britain that isn’t offering complex culinary taxidermy.

One of the best options comes from Seldom Seen Farm, in Leicestershire, which makes 2,600 goose-chicken-pheasant combos a year, stuffed with pork and orange (about £15 per kilo; www.seldomseenfarm.co.uk).

Selfridges also does a fine goose/chicken/pheasant with truffled pata negra pork, apricot and foie gras (£180), and there’s a good version with apple and apricot stuffing from Booths (£60).

This year’s award for bird innovation, however, goes to Heal Farm (www.healfarm.co.uk), an ethical-farming pioneer and award-winning multibird veteran, which has brought out the first 12-bird roast. It weighs 25kg (55lb), contains breast meat from 48 birds, takes 10 hours to cook and is too large for all but the biggest domestic oven. It also costs £665 – not bad when you consider it feeds 125. Just think: you can invite all the neighbours over for lunch. Bet you can’t wait.
Lucas Hollweg

WHERE TO BUY PUDDING

CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS

— Our hot tip is the Authentic Bread Company’s pudding: nicely spiced and full of organic booze.£10.95; www.abel-cole.co.uk

— Rémy Martin Christmas pud is deliciously fruity, with a kick. £12.99, Waitrose

— A large Carved Angel pudding, made to Eliza Acton’s world-famous recipe. Sold in a ceramic bowl.£16; www.thecarvedangel.com

— Aunt Alice’s Christmas pudding, a favourite of Jamie Oliver.From £11, Borough market, SE1; 07986 598407

— A luxury Christmas pudding made at the family-run Craigie’s Farm, near Edinburgh. £10; www.craigies.co.uk

CHRISTMAS CAKES

— Popina’s luxury Christmas cake is moist, boozy and visually stunning.4.5kg, £90; www.popina.co.uk

— The Meg Rivers Classic Iced Christmas Cake comes in a Cath Kidston tin; £5of the pricegoes to charity.Feeds 16, £38; www.megrivers.com

— The Jewel cake is light and fruity, topped with glacé apricots, orange slices, cherries, plums, brazil nuts and pecans.1kg, £12.99, from M&S

— Harrods’s iced Christmas cake is spicy and luxurious.1kg, £20

— Bettys’ soft iced snowflake cake is another classic from the traditional Yorkshire bakers. 1.6kg, £25; www.bettysbypost.com

MINCE PIES

— Waitrose luxury butter mince pies have a wonderfully crumbly pastry.£1.99 for six

— Sharpham Park’s spelt mince pies are a relatively healthy option, but still have a deliciously nutty flavour. £6.50 for six; www.sharphamparkshop.com

— For tangy mincemeat wrapped up in organic pastry, you simply can’t beat Abel & Cole’s offerings. £3.75 for six, www.abel-cole.co.uk

— Bettys’ star-topped mince pies, cooked to a traditional homemade recipe, are as attractive as they are tasty. £16 for 12; www.bettysbypost.com

— Konditor and Cook’s cakes are renowned for being among the best, and its mince pies don’t disappoint. £5.65 for six; www.konditorandcook.com

CHOCOLATES

— Milk-chocolate Marc de Champagne truffles – Prestat has been making quality chocolate for more than 100 years.200g, £12; www.prestat.co.uk

— Mr Ozinda’s fine chocolate assortment is the richest you’ll find at the supermarket. £9.99, from Tesco

— Parisians know how to make seriously good chocolate, like Pearl of Ganache. £36 for 20; www.lamaisonduchocolat.co.uk Cioccolatini d’Oro brings a touch of Italian good taste.£9.95 for nine, Carluccio’s

— Hotel Chocolat’s Hand Piped Selection – if you’ve not tasted these, you haven’t lived. £16.75 for 30, www.hotelchocolat.co.uk

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