Giles Coren
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It is time now to rise up against the greedy parasites who have descended upon our world-famous restaurant scene with the intention, as far as I can tell, of ruining it, us, and the whole damn country.
I had an early morning meeting in Soho, wanted to go for breakfast afterwards, and randomly selected the apparently very popular Charlotte Street Hotel. The meal was drab: slimy, inadequate bacon; a woollen sausage; a thin, dry slice of industrial black pudding; bad coffee; two overdone poached eggs and a bill, for two of us, that passed fifty pounds. Greasy spoon quality, Nobu pricing – a novel form of “fusion” to kick off 2008.
Goggling at the price of a bad breakfast for two in a dreary hotel, I took a closer look at the bill to get a handle on the maths. And the first thing I saw was this: “4 eggs @ £4.50 – £18.”
Yes, my friends, four pounds fifty for an egg. An egg. Two of us, two eggs each: eighteen pounds. Plus 12.5 per cent service, so £20.25. I called for the manager, assuming a mistake had been made. But it hadn’t.
“How can you charge £4.50 per egg?”
“Nobody has complained before.”
“But it’s just an egg. Laid by a hen. Six organic free range ones in a box cost £1.49.”
“Our customers expect certain standards.”
“So do I. But you don’t pay £4.50 for a gull’s egg at the Ivy.” (Or maybe you do – this was about rhetoric, not fact-checking.)
“Our customers are used to our pricing and are happy with it.”
“I have never seen a four-pounds-fifty egg, anywhere.”
“Our customers are very discerning, they go to a lot of restaurants.”
Giles Coren has been a columnist for The Times since 1999. He began as a feature writer before becoming restaurant critic in 2001. His reviews appear in The Times Magazine on Saturdays
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"Chilean sea bass" is actually the far less glamorous and relatively cheap Patagonian Toothfish, although presumably places such as this are able to charge far more for it using this moniker. More fool those who are prepared to pay these sorts of prices for it.
CJ, George Town, Grand Cayman
We went to Sake No hana the week it opened and were not very impressed. Staff made a big effort with service, layout is awful and food fine (sadly, no sushi was being served that day, a fact they forgot to inform us of). The 'sake' sommelier (no mention of the years of training he went through) very pretentious and the prices high, even by London / Russian standards (including for alcohol and £15 for one very small and un-meaty langoustine).
For an expensive Japanese meal in London Ume or Nobu offer far better food, service and (here is a surprise) value for money
MS, London, London
Further to GJB's comments I have fond memories of a restaurant in a secluded piazza in Firenze, a 3-course lunch (including some *perfectly* cooked lamb) with a litre carafe of good house red, a big jug of iced water provided without my having to ask, friendly service despite my faltering (to say the least) Italian, and excellent coffee to finish, all for less than â¬20.
Damned if I could find it again the next day though ...
Marcus Cotswell, London,
JGB SLOUGH
Where is this lovely restaurant
Hero
Littleton
Hero Wantage, Littleton, UK
Just before Christmas I was in France and called in at a restaurant which happened to have the 'special Christmas' menu and nothing else.
My wife and I sat down and were immediately given a bowl of hearty soup as it was freezing outside.
A celebratory glass of Pousse Rapier (like champagne) to accompany our foie gras salad.
Then the main course of a whole small duck breast cooked over a wood fire with potato gratin.
The desserts were limited to a yule log or fruit salad but by then we were full.
Unlimited house wine during the meal and coffee to finish.
13 EUROS (less than a tenner).
How much would this have cost in London?
GJB, Slough, Berkshire
Here are a few simple points to determine whether a sushi place is worth setting foot in:
1) Don't go to a sushi place located on a street corner.
2) Try to determine if there's at least one Japanese chef on hand. No xenophobia here, just that they know their craft and respect it. Non-Japanese just don't get the munitiae of the craft. MAke that an absolute rule.
3) If you can recognize, understand or pronounce the name of the sushi restaurant, like Osaka, Sapporo, Okinawa, or Sakura, or indeed like Sake no Hana (Flower of Sake, or Flower of Salmon). don't go.
4) Don't be lured by cheap prices: good sushi will carry a premium price, and if prepared in the strict standards, will deliver on the quality...but verify all other points since price is not the only issue here.
5) Once in a while, go to an authentic Japanese place and educate your palate.
eve shebang, new york city, USA
Oh my god. I've been waiting a lifetime (or at least the last four years) for this article. THANK YOU.
Fizz, London,
The restaurants in London are not that good. Sao Paulo is much better.
Eliana Ritchie, Sao Paulo, Brazil