I’m in the depths of depression after reading of your disgusting treatment by Amex. I’ve had no sleep. My wife had to stop me throwing myself out of the bedroom window. I can’t stop crying. Please sort it out so my life can return to an even keel. What is the world coming to? Who cares about global warming, hamburgers and economic problems?

Michael Stern, London

Golders Green is not the north. That starts when the grouse to clog ratio exceeds 1. Keep up the good work. I love the Quentin Crisp meets mother from Psycho look.

Ian Walton, Lancashire

In last week’s photo you looked like a koala bear. I’ve heard they can be vicious little bastards and are only really docile when stuffed. Spot any similarities?

Bryan Craker, Peyrins, France

How appalling that your outrageously lovely PA, Ruby Snape, went home on the Tube smelling like a hamburger. Surely a man who spends over £50,000 a month on his Amex card could afford a taxi for her? Please inform this delectable London goddess I’ll be happy to pick her up any night of the week, whether she smells like a burger or anything else.

Robert Hughes, Surrey

Prisoner Tim Gower’s letter last week is historic. He should be awarded immediate Gastronomic Probation.

Gillian Royale, London

Send letters to Winner’s Dinners, The Sunday Times, 1 Pennington Street, London E98 1ST or e-mail michael.winner@sunday-times.co.uk

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