I’m getting concerned. Last week we read of the waitress Marguerite in high heels, lavatorial bra ads, pyjamas, Paris Hilton, frog’s legs, beautiful Coco Jeffries, Selina Scott, Sue me – never heard of her! Is this a food column or Michael Winner in mid(?)-life crisis?

Tim, worried of Wokingham

Why did you wait until the interval of War Horse to tell the silly moo behind you to shut up? I’d have given her two minutes and then told her in no uncertain terms to keep quiet or go home and watch TV.

Tony Kimpton, London

You’re right, it is indeed a monster who talks during theatre performances. We should ban such people. Also those with big hair who block our view and anyone over 5ft 8in (5ft 10in if bald), along with anyone who is not a mute. Loud people in restaurants should be barred and leafleted on the virtues of McDonald’s.

Andrew Vickers, Dorset

Did you ever think the lady behind you in the theatre, whom you referred to as a smart-arse when she explained her children were writing a review, might have raised her voice, when explaining what was going on, just for your benefit?

Tom Ditchfield, Hampshire

In a five-star hotel I sat in a urine-soaked chair just vacated by a child. And you think you have trouble with kids in restaurants!

Dennis Pallis, Kent

Send letters to Winner’s Dinners, The Sunday Times, 1 Pennington Street, London E98 1ST or e-mail michael.winner@ sunday-times.co.uk

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