To raise funds for your debt why don’t you auction your ego on eBay?

Martin Langley, Surrey

In last week’s photo it looked like Peter Wood was holding you up outside Caraffini. Or was it one of his Winner rubber dolls? It appeared as if he was trying to make you squeak. As you’re £6m in debt, I’m sure you squeak quite a lot. With the new guidelines Peter won’t go down if he helps you out of your misery. “Calm down, dear, it’s only an assisted suicide.”

Robert Hughes, Surrey

So Peter Wood is worried about people choking on a bit of Michael Winner if he sends out his esure Winner dolls. Doesn’t he realise thousands of people already choke on a bit of Michael Winner every Sunday?

Tim Burton, Berkshire

I can’t believe that after paying £58,000 for three weeks at La Réserve de Beaulieu you thought your dinner “freebies” were actually free! Congratulations on irritating me even more than you usually do.

Stephen Sewell, Northumberland

If you considered the turbot at La Réserve to be pricy, what about Flanigans at Porta Portals in Mallorca? A menu starter read “well chosen tomato”. It was a single chopped tomato. Price: £12! A dining experience combining humour with hunger!

Ivor Nullsor, Cheshire

Send letters to Winner’s Dinners, The Sunday Times, 1 Pennington Street, London E98 1ST or e-mail michael.winner@sunday-times.co.uk

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