Good grief! In your photo at Ynyshir Hall you look marginally attractive. Or do I need to visit my optician?

Patrick Tracey, Carlisle

You’re such a scruff lolling against a lady outside Ynyshir Hall. You should flog off a few of your motors and employ a Jeeves to teach you a few airs and graces befitting a man of your oblivious status.

Martyn Nicholls, Palio, Greece

At Ynyshire Hall the first thing we did, like Geraldine, was to hook up the heavy curtains so we could see the fantastic view. I’m glad you pointed this out to Joan. I hope she takes your advice and changes them.

Chrissie Parrott, Exeter

Wonderful news about the Winner talking doll. Might I suggest it’s made of wood rather than plastic, so it accurately reflects your personality.

Marcus Chew, Dublin

The New York edition has the crossword on the same page as your column. The 11 Down clue is: “Old gatecrasher.” Tried to put in “Michael Winner” but it’s one letter too many.

Jim Carlin, Manhattan, USA

Some years ago my ex-wife asked the waiter in a posh Spanish restaurant if the snails on the menu were French or Spanish. He paused for a moment and said, “Would madam like to speak to them or eat them?”

Peter Greeson, Berkshire

Send letters to Winner’s Dinners, The Sunday Times, 1 Pennington Street, London E98 1ST or e-mail michael.winner@sunday-times.co.uk

Times Recommends

• Seville orange and almond cake
• Gordon Ramsay’s aubergine bhajis
• How to make the perfect Thai green curry