I can’t iron, I can’t sew and I am always behind with my thank-you letters. Some people are great at making their houses look beautiful, some have green fingers and others can cook. I don’t know anyone who can do it all but I know plenty who try. Why is it that today we feel we have to be good at everything — and look a million dollars to boot? Enough of the sham, enough of the pretence. Let’s admit it: we are human.

I think part of the negative attitude that surrounds cooking in this country is down to that misguided pursuit of perfection: if we can’t get it right first time we turn off the heat. But at last I sense that the tide is turning. Food is about experimentation and learning from one’s mistakes.

Last night I went to a small engagement dinner for some old friends. I had some delicious rare beef that I had cooked the night before. I knew that if I left it in the fridge we wouldn’t eat it at its best, so I made a telephone call. That night we nibbled the beef on horseradish-smeared crostini (a few slices of pitta or baguette drizzled in oil and baked in the oven are just so easy) with a green salad.

Steve, who was getting engaged, then produced a baked fish, which he plonked down on the table, still in its oven tray, sitting astride slices of potato, fennel, garlic and baby tomatoes. It was all thrown in and roasted together and tasted out of this world. For pudding we all helped to pull the tops off strawberries, which we tossed in sugar and ate with clotted cream.

It all seemed so effortless. The pleasure of it came from being with each other; helping to get the food on the table made it all the more fun.

I am not interested in the fanfare of an evening that says “dinner-party” — silverware, dress up, dress down, cook to impress. For me, eating is about the pleasure of the food and its taste, and sharing it with my best friends. If I am feeling good when I have friends for supper I might put on a dress and some dangly earrings, but if I don’t have the energy I’ll just stay in my jeans and put on some mascara and a squirt of scent Over the years I have thrown many chaotic dinners, barbecues, lunches and even tea parties. I have slowly learnt that it helps to think things through a bit beforehand. Other than that, the fun is in the creating of food that is easy to handle and simple enough that you have time to enjoy your friends.

Here are a few things I have learnt along the way:

• Anything you can make ahead is a winner, so think about cheats, such as an easy smoked mackerel pâté to spread on crostini instead of a formal starter; a home-made baba ganoush as a dip for seasonal vegetables, or even some chilled soup. A home-made pesto or pasta sauce, which again you can make in advance, will give you a most delicious, simple dinner.

• Avoid cooking at all if you are really pressed for time. Buy some delicious cured ham or salami and serve it with figs or fresh bread or bread sticks and maybe some glasses of ice-cold fino sherry.

• Salads add an extra dimension to a supper, giving flavour, colour and bite for relatively little effort. Make the dressing the day before in an old jam jar so that it’s there when you need it. Some of my favourite salads include: fennel and orange; cherries, blue cheese, chicory and toasted hazelnuts; broad beans with sliced fennel, rocket and thinly sliced pecorino; avocado, raddish, toasted pumpkin seed and watercress; warm salads with grilled game or chargrilled vegetables.

• I never really go all-out for pudding, unless it’s a weekend and I’m in the mood for baking. On week nights, I cheat. Hand out a few knives if you are topping and tailing fruit and get a chum to help you set up a cheese plate. Berries are an instant win. Toss some British cherries, strawberries, raspberries or currants in sugar and torn mint, add a drizzle of grappa or tequila and serve with cream.

• Cheese is always delicious after dinner, and it’s better to serve a large block of one cheese than a mean selection of three. Gorgonzola, a good-quality cheddar, a beautiful goat’s cheese or a hunk of Parmigiano Reggiano all go well with a small bowl of local honey and some toasted walnuts. Figs, dates, grapes, or raisin and nut bread also help to make a plate look generous.

• If you have a sweet tooth, then break up bits of different slabs of best-quality dark and milk chocolate and put them in a pretty bowl. Or, if you really want a pudding with next-to-no effort, buy a good quality vanilla ice cream and pour over it home-made chocolate sauce, dulce de leche or liqueur.

• Contrary to what some may think, always, always accept help with the washing-up if it is genuinely offered.

Cook, by Thomasina Miers, is published by HarperCollins

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