When my mother died 11 years ago, I had no idea about funerals. When the doctor left our home, we were in a state of shock. My sisters and I started washing the body — until the men in dark suits turned up and it was out of our hands.
Despite her being terminally ill, we’d never discussed our mother’s final rite of passage; we were hoping for a miracle. We only knew that she wanted to be cremated. The hearse arriving, the crematorium, is all a blur. And looking back, I see it as a missed opportunity to celebrate her life. My mother was a fantastic, vibrant person, devoted to her family and the elderly people she cared for as a nurse. She also had a passion for her Irish roots. Her 20 minutes at the crematorium didn’t do her justice.
At this time of year it is traditional to think of our ancestors and to celebrate our beloved dead. Since ancient times, Hallowe’en has represented the turning of the yearly cycle from death to rebirth. In Celtic tradition it is Samhain, when the veil that separates our world from the netherworld is at its thinnest. The dead could, if they wished, return to the land of the living for this one night, to celebrate with their family.
The Church adopted the festival but as a feast only for the blessed dead; those hallowed by obedience to God — thus, All Hallow’s.
Nowadays, in our sanitised secular society, we often seek to ignore death. And it is partly this reluctance to discuss the subject that has enabled the funeral industry to resist change for so long. But over the past few years, organisations such as the Natural Death Centre (NDC), along with a range of coffin designers, environmentalists, and forward-thinking local authorities, are showing the way to go. Whether your priority is the health of the planet or to have some input into your final ritual, most things are possible.
The Dead Good Funerals Book, by Sue Gill and John Fox, of Welfare State International (a company of artists), is a practical manual on how to design a ceremony for your own or a loved one’s funeral. Originally it was based on the findings of their funeral workshops. “People came from Germany and all over the place,” Gill says. “They came from many fields. People who worked in mental health and social services, also clergymen who wanted to refresh their own practice. Death touches everyone’s agenda.”
When Gill came to revise the book this year, she was delighted to acknowledge the progress that had been made. “The culture around planning funerals has changed tremendously over the past seven years. Funeral directors at last acknowledge that people want more choice. Not everybody wants an all-singing, all-dancing funeral, but they might want something that is truthful and distinctive to commemorate the life that has come to an end.”
The NDC, a charity that offers advice to people caring for the dying as well as the bereaved, has been instrumental in shaking up the industry. Its Natural Death Handbook offers advice on everything from where to get a wicker coffin to how to depart on a steam train and where to find natural burial grounds.
Stephanie Wienrich, the director of the NDC, says: “There are many more environmentally friendly coffins and shrouds, less embalming, and more woodland burial sites. In the same way that we have reinvented weddings and other rituals, we are starting to be creative with funerals.”
Hazel Selene, the founder of Arka Original Funerals and designer of the “ecopod” coffin, a seed-shaped, papier-mâché container which comes in a range of colours — including one covered in gold leaf and lined with feathers — was moved to act after adopting an old sea captain as a grandfather.
“He came to live with us and he took five years to fade away gently,” she explains. “And towards the end, I thought I’m going to have to plan a funeral and I’d like to make a coffin for him.” Her initial concerns were environmental — “Eighty-nine per cent of coffins are made of chipboard and full of stuff such as formaldehyde and dioxins, all highly toxic substances.”
Selene then began to think about the shape. “It hadn’t changed for hundreds of years and has become the archetypal symbol for vampires,” she says. “I thought I’d like to change that for something more colourful, more feminine and with a more organic shape.” She settled on the ecopod, which costs about £500. “It’s an art object. It appeals to design-conscious people and to those who want to do something uplifting, “ she says. “I’ve got a friend who’s planning her funeral and it’s going to be incredible. She’s going to have a gold-leaf ecopod, a white horse and carriage, a woodland burial service, someone playing the violin and following the cortège up to the burial area, white doves released at the graveside and then everyone is going to Brighton Pavilion for the reception.
“She wants to do something for her friends. She’s taken control — it’s very empowering.”
The Rev Paul Sinclair, who runs Britain’s only motorcycle funeral company, offers his clients a unique last journey. His service is popular both with older people, many of whom grew up using this form of transport, as well as bikers.
He’s certain that his funerals capture the imagination and send a message — that the person is worth it — as well as proving of immense comfort to those left behind. “From a pastoral point of view, you’re helping the family and friends remember someone’s life and that helps them cope with the death,” he says. “Instead of just talking about them, you’re visually portraying the way they lived. You’re honouring them.”
Sinclair often reroutes the funeral via the person’s favourite café, where mourners will stop and have a cup of tea.
Wienrich agrees that taking time to create something individual can be of huge comfort to the bereaved. “We get a lot of feedback from families saying things such as: ‘We never believed a funeral could be a good day’.” Whichever way we choose to bow out, for Selene a funeral remains fundamentally an act of courtesy. “People say things such as: ‘Oh just throw me on the compost heap.’ But the body has been an incredible thing for us, ” she says. “We come to the point where it doesn’t serve us any more and we have to leave it, but we can give it a good send-off.”
WAY TO GO ...
Vic Fearn and Co in Nottingham builds unusual coffins, from narrowboats to others with stained glass windows (01159 771571)The Natural Death Centre is a charitable project that aims to support people to arrange cheap and environmentally friendly funerals (0871 2882098; www.naturaldeath.org.uk)
The Dead Good Funerals Book is published by Welfare State International (01229 581127; www.welfare-state.org)
Ecopod coffins are available from Arka Original Funerals (01273 766620; www.eco-funerals.com)
Want your last trip to be in a motorbike and sidecar? Call Motorcycle Funerals (01530 834616; www.motorcyclefunerals.com)
