A Californian woman divorced her husband last month because he played computer games at night and slept during the day; another faced jail after stabbing and beating her husband because of his snoring. Both examples are tragic-comic glimpses into a serious but rarely discussed minefield for couples: sleep incompatibility.

Research by the Sleep Council has found that half of us are regularly woken about six times a night by our partners, particularly if they snore or fidget. Dr Chris Alford, a sleep psychologist from the University of the West of England, says that “sleep conflicts” often will result in relationship conflicts. The problem is so great that more people seem to be taking to single beds. The Sleep Council says that one in four of us regularly retreats to a spare room or sofa for a refreshing night's sleep, and the National Association of Home Builders predicts that by 2015 more than 60 per cent of custom-built houses will have dual master bedrooms.

This is the right approach, say an increasing number of psychologists and sleep experts. In a 24/7 world where sleep is increasingly precious, single beds may represent the future.

Snoring is the most obvious source of bedtime tensions. About a quarter of us - 15million people - are snorers, according to the British Snoring and Sleep Apnoea Association, and may be depriving their partners of two hours sleep a night. Then there's wrestling for the duvet, kicking during dreams and restless leg syndrome, a condition that becomes increasingly common as we grow older.

Outside the bed, different sleep cycles can be just as disruptive, as Mr and Mrs Millard demonstrate (see right). Every one of us has a different body clock with some of us preferring the early hours (known by sleep experts as larks) and some late nights (owls).

A small study of sleeping partners by the University of Wisconsin concluded that the greatest sleep-induced tensions occurred when one partner was a lark, the other an owl. The amount of time available for them to communicate and enjoy each other's company may be compromised as a result - unless one tries to change his or her natural inclinations.

What can couples do? Only so much - at least if you're a heterosexual couple. Sleep conflicts seem to be bound up with fundamental biological and behavioural differences between the sexes. For example, when Professor Jim Horne, the director of the Loughborough University Sleep Research Centre, attached movement monitors to men and women sleepers, he found that men moved much more than women and were far more likely to disturb women than the other way round. This was confirmed recently in a study, reported in the journal Sleep and Biological Rhythms, that found that women benefited far more from sleeping alone than men. They seemed to sleep more easily through disturbance.

Curves and bad vibrations

Sammy Margo, the author of The Good Sleep Guide, published next week, points to other fundamental differences. “Hormonal fluctuations because of the menstrual cycle can disrupt sleep. And women with curves have different mattress needs from men.” A man's extra weight can mean, for instance, that any movement is likely to rebound through a double mattress, while their partner is unlikely to produce such reverberations.

Male assertiveness also seems to play a part. Research from Surrey University has found that women tend to let their partners snore, while men are more likely to give an admonitory prod.

Whichever way you look at it, women come off worse, especially if you take into account that they are more likely to wake up in response to children crying. However, Margo believes that couples shouldn't despair. Her new book aims to provide practical solutions for people with sleep problems.

Her tips for a successful night's sleep are partly based on helping both partners to sleep better through changes to diet and daytime habits, but also on trying to synchronise waking and sleeping patterns. But she says that any couple with severe sleep conflicts should consider separate beds, although this is something people don't like talking about. “When couples first start sleeping together, they are willing to sacrifice comfort to be close to their partner. After a while, when emotional closeness is assured, many just want to have a good night's sleep again. This isn't selfish, distant or unromantic; it's just practical,” she says.

Professor Horne agrees that if you're having sleep problems, separate mattresses are worth considering, and adds that he is encountering more and more couples with separate beds.

Sharing a bed is a "curious British norm"

Rob Meadow, a sociologist from Surrey University who has studied the relationship between sleep and gender, points out that a shared bed is a curiously British norm. “It's very interesting why couples feel the need to go to bed at the same time and in the same place,” he says. “It's societally defined. One couple told me they'd tried sleeping in separate rooms two days a week to catch up on sleep. When their teenage children came back from university they were convinced their parents were about to divorce.”

All the advice from relationship experts is that sleeping separately can be the sign of a strongly bonded couple communicating their needs. But if you're worried that it might impair your love life, take some advice from Queen Victoria. Like most affluent Victorians, she had a separate bedroom from her husband. But any night she wished Prince Albert to enter her room, she left a bowl of oranges outside her door. They apparently appeared nearly every night.

The Good Sleep Guide (Vermilion, £9.99), by Sammy Margo, is available from Times Books First for £9.49, p&p free. Phone 0870 1608080 or visit timesonline.co.uk/booksfirst

Philip and Rosie Millard, a middle-aged couple from Islington, have different sleep patterns . . .

Mr Millard says “It should be morning but the clock only says 1.30am. I've woken up again. I ponder a trip to the kitchen for some water but worry about waking the dog and my sound-asleep partner. I doze. Now it's 4.30am. I repeat the routine. I give up the fight at 6.15 and go off for an early bath.

“This happens most nights, but it didn't used to. The rot set in when we had our first baby ten years ago, when the light went on as she demanded the first of several nocturnal feeds. After six months she and her mother slept through, but I could not.

“I am much more irritable without sleep. To compensate, I am forever playing sleep catch-up games. In the theatre I have developed a clever sleeping position for the first acts of plays, cupping my chin in the palm of my hand. It winds Rosie up no end, and can be quite embarrassing for her because she's a theatre critic.

“Even more distressing is my impersonation of a worn-out derelict during News at Ten, hunkering down on the sofa after the headlines, to be woken by a sharp tug from Rosie an hour later. It's about 11.30pm

before I finally struggle up to bed.”

Sammy Margo, author of The Good Sleep Guide, says “Philip tends to be more of a lark than an owl. He may have an anxious personality that makes him more likely to have disrupted sleep.

Margo's advice

Avoid caffeine after lunch

Stick to low-GI foods, such as oats, and most fruits and veg, to stabilise energy swings

Eat foods that contain tryptophan, a substance that promotes sleep, such as turkey, almonds, spinach, Marmite, poultry and warm milk

If you need to stay up late, get plenty of fresh air during the afternoon

Get a more comfortable bed

Learn to only nap between 1pm and 3pm; napping after that will disrupt sleep

Have a warm bath before going to bed

Mr Millard's verdict

I've tended to lie awake worrying about Sammy's advice. I don't like foods containing tryptophan and I found having a snooze between 1pm and 3pm impractical. The sensible caffeine embargo means I have one less way of preventing the early evening flop.

On the other hand, the dietary changes and the late-night baths have helped. I have had at least two sleeps in the past week which resembled my student days, when I could merrily sleep in until lunch.

Have I stayed awake in the theatre? Well the flamenco dancing at Sadler's Wells

was pretty good, and I could even talk knowledgeably about it to Rosie afterwards. Next stop, a new bed.

And his wife?

Mrs Millard says “Whenever I am in transit, I crash out for mini-naps (10 minutes), or nano micro-mini naps (10 seconds). When I wake up, I feel refreshed but disorientated.

“I'm usually so exhausted that if I'm not doing something, I'll fall asleep. It's hopeless if I am trying to be an alert car passenger for Mr Millard. My nodding-off drives him crazy.

“I'm a great sleeper in bed. The only time I stir is when the children wake me. Last week our three-year-old woke at 2.45am. We both eventually got back to sleep at 5am. After a night like that, I probably don't catch up for about three days, meaning that I am exhausted for most of the week.

“Pip and I usually go to bed around midnight, unless I make a gargantuan effort to get to bed early.”

Sammy Margo says Rosie is neither an owl nor a lark, and seems to be able to override tiredness, using napping as an occasional catch-up.

Margo's advice

Take naps of up to 20 minutes at set times; mid-morning and between 1pm-3pm

Wear earplugs to minimise broken nights from kids crying out

Get out in the sunlight

Take up activities to clear your mind, such as yoga or fun time with the kids. This is to reboot your brain, rather than to shut it down with a sleep

Mrs Millard's verdict

I jettisoned some of Sammy's advice right away. The idea that I drive Mr Millard to the theatre is a non-starter. The man is a power freak in the car, and would never be relaxed enough to sit, let alone sleep, in the passenger seat. Also, I don't mind the children waking me in the night, so her suggestion that I wear earplugs is a no-no. I would hate to think of them crying on their own in the dark.

Her idea that I have specific moments to clear my mind is good. An afternoon walk helps to stop me nodding off at non-prescribed nap times. Actually, exercise has been great for my sleepy head; if I wear out my body with an eight-mile run in the morning, my brain is far less likely to switch into sleep mode.

Margo's tips for getting the Millard sleeping patterns back into synch

They can help each other to maintain even energy levels through food, exercise and minimising stimulants and sedatives

Wearing ear plugs will minimise noise disturbance

Let Rosie drive to and from theatre, so Philip can relax and Rosie can stay awake

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