Tell me, John Anderson, If you were sexually abused by 2 older men for the next 4 years, but did not get pregnant or acquire a sexually transmitted disease and enjoyed good health, how long do you think it would take you to get over it? I suspect it might be quite a while.

david, Edinburgh, Scotland

To John Anderson - all I can say is you have clearly never been in a position where you have been abused, either by a stranger or relative. If you had, you would know that we do NOT "cling on to these experiences", the experiences haunt us far more intensely for far longer than any of us would wish. It's bad enough suffering the actual abuse, let alone suffering the memories, the flashbacks and intense pain that arises from such selfish actions.

Whether someone becomes pregnant, infected with sexual diseases or enjoys good health is irrelevant. What is important and what causes the most damage is the betrayal experienced and the emotional scars that remain long after the abuse has stopped. I can only hope that you never have the misfortune of suffering at the hands of another - or if you do, that you are met with more compassion than you appear capable of giving.

Where abuse is concerned, it is only in the past for the perpetrators. It's always present for the victim.

K, London,

Really hope that you don't take any notice of Andrew or John, if i am correct in thinking they are telling you to pull your socks up or deploy emotional blackmail, both of which exhibit a severe lack of insight.

Helen, Sapcote, UK

I think the mothers response to her daughter here is what lies bedind Harriet's agony; trying to hide something as huge as this will undoubtedly have repercussions in later life. On the other hand fantastic news about Anna, after reading the horrific details of the abuse she suffered her story stuck in my mind and its great to see she took on board the advice Tanya gave. It really is nice to hear she is out of such a dangerous situation.

Danielle, Islington, North London

Two of my older brothers abused me severely.I have held the whole family up by containing it.Both of them have jobs and families my life has been totally changed to what I was capable of achieving becuase of the shere struggle of having to "keep the face" and suffering in silence.I have a failed marriage and have been left with many many horrible teeneage one night stands and at 32 an esteem which is crushingly low.My mother knew and did nothing.I have loved my parents and been low but the after effects on me have been massive.Family loyalty and abuse are extremely complex and no one understands theses complexities unless they have been through it.

lyn, Worcester,

I think some of these comments are uncalled for. as if you have not been through anything simalar you should not judge it. I personally have been through this and for years i didn't know what to do about it and all i knew was i couldn't let anyone know as it was a close familly member mere years older than me. What I belive is bothering her is that her brothers and Mother act like nothing ever happened and she feels if she brings it up now it would be bringing up things from the past that will put huge strain on thier individual family lives.

I think she needs to talk to someone who can not judge her and try to work out how it has affected her and if they fact that nobody seems to do anything about it is the main reason of her not being able to move forward from this bad experience.

Fagoul fori, East Anglia, UK

If Harriet never confronted her brothers and deal with the issue with them, or allow her mother to talk through it with her (no wonder she is ill), it will forever remain a skeleton in the cupboard and don't believe for a single second that it has no repercussions. And how do you know that within the brothers families, abuse isn't/won't be perpetuated??

Cass, London, UK

I cannot believe the comments im reading. I wonder, did these two men also abuse tehir sisters, that they have so much sympathy for your brothers who took advantage of you? I assume that your brothers are older than you. Surely from a young age they would have known they had a duty to take care of you, as their little sister. They abused that trust and the reason why nobody knew was because I'm sure the abuse was carefully planned to be secretive. You should by no means feel as though you should let the subject go. After all, nobody would suggest this to a woman who admitted being abused by her further during her childhood years. If you feel you may gte closure from the issue by confrinting your brothers about this, you should. Remember, you have done nothing wrong. So why should you suffer the psychological consequence.

nastassja, London,

To John Anderson - I think your take on this is a little simplistic. It may have some merit where all parties are agreeable to the relationship, but certainly not when it is a case of abuse.
Abuse is abuse, and all the worse where it is accompanied by abuse of trust. Emotionally, this is a really difficult thing to deal with, and creates issues of trust, feelings of guilt, fear of reprisals for speaking out etc.

Anthony, Dublin, Ireland

I think it is very sad that people cling on to these experiences for so long. At the end of the day all you are living with is guilt formed by various components of social/religious dogma. Sibling sex was frowned upon because it generates deformed offspring, nothing else serious! I assume as a result of these sessions she did not get pregnant, has no sexual diseases and enjoys good health. Put it behind you, there are people with far worse problems than yours and you would be glad to have yours if you had to choose between some of theirs. Your life is shortening by the second, make the most of what you have left as it may end before you might like. And don't ruin other peoples lives by disclosing something so far in the past.

John Anderson, Swindon, Wilts

A secret can only be disclosed once. Specifically, you could talk to your sisters in law. After which, your brothers’ relationship with their spouse would never be the same.
However, the threat to reveal a secret can be used almost without limit. It’s your call, love.

Andrew Milner, Karuizawa, Japan