Q: My son is 12 and is addicted to a computer game that is suitable for over-16s. It is violent and features shooting and killing. I got divorced two years ago on the grounds of my husband’s unreasonable behaviour and his drinking. My son has contact with him every weekend.

The problem started when my ex-husband encouraged my son to play this violent game. I went to his primary school, our GP and the school nurse, with little impact. Now my son is in secondary school and he is becoming angrier and angrier; he loses his temper very quickly. My ex-husband is oblivious to the situation and doesn’t want to do anything about it.

I am completely at a loss as to how I can help my child to overcome this addiction before it gets completely out of hand. He is at a very vulnerable and impressionable age. I am so worried about the impact it will have on his psychological health.

A: The issues that you raise reflect the concerns of many parents that I have spoken to since I began investigating potentially harmful aspects of the gaming world. Last year I published my independent report: The Byron Review — Safer Children in a Digital World, in which I explored this vast area and made recommendations to the Government. You can read it at www.dcsf.gov.uk/byronreview.

We are an incredibly risk-averse culture: in 1971, 80 per cent of seven and eight-year-olds went to school on their own — by 1990 it was only 9 per cent. So it is ironic that we keep our children indoors because of our overblown fears of the “real world” but allow them to roam free in digital spaces. These risks can be through content, such as adult material; contact, when others pose as “friends” while being predators; or conduct, for example, cyber bullying. In addition, many of our “captive” children do not have a balanced lifestyle — they spend too much time indoors, online and playing video games. They become dependent on such activities, unable to tear themselves away. This behaviour is seen most often in boys.

The video games industry is often blamed for producing such content but this is placing responsibility in the wrong place. There are many excellent and exciting games for your son’s age group that encourage thinking and problem-solving. It is not gaming per se that is the problem.

Video “game” denotes some kind of benign influence, as in “it’s only a game”. This shows our ignorance and also our inability to say no. When an adult game very popular with kids was released recently, retailers observed that the long queues were made up mostly of mothers.

However, we must be very careful when we label a behaviour addictive. An addiction is very different to an obsession mixed with defiance. Your son is clearly very attached to this game — partly, it could be argued, because it is something he shares with his father and playing computer games together can be a bonding experience. However, for him to have an addiction to it, the need to play it would have to exert an all-pervasive influence, stopping him eating or sleeping normally.

There are some young people who become so obsessed that they become aggressive if challenged on the subject. Fundamentally, it comes down to understanding why a child is doing what he or she is doing. With your son I can see that there is a concern that his angry behaviour stems not only from his father’s encouragement, but also his father’s “unreasonable behaviour” traits.

You need to set some clear rules at home. These should include limits on the amount of time playing, and if he does not accept this, it may be useful for you to take the gaming consoles away until you can negotiate a compromise. You can also lock consoles so that certain age-rated games won’t play — call the manufacturer for advice.

If you are truly uncomfortable about the kind of contact that your son has with his father, that needs to be addressed either by having a conversation with your ex-husband or, if that is not possible, through a solicitor to highlight concerns that may lead to reduced access. You can also refer yourself to your local Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS), although your GP should have done this for you. CAMHS can offer support with your son’s game-playing and also support you. They should offer an assessment within six weeks — check with your local primary care trust.

The video gaming industry also offers advice. Useful websites include askaboutgames.com, elspa.com and bbfc.co.uk . It may be worth talking to your son’s school and seeing if it would be interested in addressing this issue with pupils and parents.

Finally, go to www.mind.org.uk to find out about local support groups for you as a single mother and also local youth counselling services for your son.

If you have a family problem, e-mail proftanyabyron@thetimes.co.uk