Thanks for writing this. I'm pregnant now and due in about three months. I have had it up to here with what I hope are well-meant comments about what is best for me and the baby. I haven't had a sip of alcohol - - but not because I am expressly avoiding it; just because the thought of the taste right now seems horrid. And I don't think for one second a half a glass every so often will induce mental development issues, etc, in my baby. One last thing: Enough with people telling the horror stories of their labors. Enough. I know it isn't easy and there very well may be some scary bits, but I trust my doctor to guide me to what's best. I think some people get a sick thrill from sharing their near-death stories...

Kells, American in London,

Think I'm the only Guy to reply to this one, and think all the replies are wonderful, as in "miracle off life in your arms" (W Garvey), and "common sense and instinct"( Mary Bienfait) and "celebrating the miracle that is happening " (Emma London)
We are praying to get pregnant one day,9years trying now, but my wife recently had a false pregnancy but she did look about 4months pregnant, and you do get noticed, the odd smile, wink, comment etc, but we loved it while it lasted! maybe the "wishful thinking helped", however I don't think the "pats on the "tummy" would of gone down well!
I would never dream off, touching with a pat, a pregnant mums tum, (unless it was my wife with her approval) for one it could be classed as "assault", but one thing I do, do is treat them as special, as in, be carefull not to "bang them with a trolley" and give any assistance, if you see them struggling, although pregnant or not, I would do the same, "BUT" I make a special kinda effort if the Woman is P

Charles Linskaill, Edinburgh, UK

I think the 'anything in moderation' principle applies. The pregnant body also has its own way of telling you what to eat and drink and what not to - just listen to it. Cravings are a way of the pregnant body letting you know it needs more of something. If you fancy a glass of wine, have one! I'm sure there will be plenty of times when you feel it's the last thing you want, so listen to the messages then also. My doctor recommended a glass of guinness here and there to help fortify me when I was breastfeeding a very hungry baby - not well received by the 'you must not drink alcohol when breastfeeding' brigade. It's the same with weaning - we are all 'told' what foods to introduce when (now at a minimum age of 6 months), but I was guided by my baby and her needs and capabilities. Today's parenting culture is so much about 'rules', 'experts', and 'targets', when in reality parenting is the most natural thing in the world, and should be done with common sense and instinct.

Mary Bienfait, St Albans, England

Hear hear. Nine months pregnant and counting the days... The one that gets me is people I hardly know asking if I am planning to breast feed. I don't want my breasts and where I may or may not be stuffing them to be any of their business. In fact I don't want them thinking about my breasts at all!

Its like asking a moderate stranger if they're circumcised and if they plan on asking for oral sex from their wife later.

OK, breastfeeding isn't sexual and I may sound like a prude but do you know what? Its not just men who think of breasts as being sexual, and we're not all born earth mothers. This whole breastfeeding thing takes a bit of getting your head around. Unsolicited advice - or worse - horror stories are invariably unhelpful.

Bella T, Smethwick,

I am so glad someone put all those thoughts into words - yes its amazing how much we get preached to whilst carrying for 9 months !! and the endless questions ... do you know what you are having (a baby..!!), have you picked a name yet, where are you having it, are you sure its not twins/triplets ...!! I swore I would get a Tshirt with all the answers printed up front if we had another baby !! And the belly patting always drove me crazy but good upbringing makes you bite your tongue... We have been blessed with two amazing daughters and my daily half a Guinness attributed to their well being (and a great head of hair!) and my nerves being calmed ! I salute all you pregnant Mommys - hang in there - nothing compares to the miracle of life in your arms !

W Garvey, Doha, Qatar

AMEN!!!

Now pregnant with my second child, I am fed up of being verbally slapped on the hand if I so much as take a celebratory sip of champagne.

Thank you for presenting a more reasonable attitude towards pregnancy.

Anita, Brisbane, Australia

All the advice given to pregnant women these days is, as the writer points out, well meaning, and usually given in good faith. If we were all perfect we would follow all advice to the letter, eat a strictly regimented diet, never drink alcohol, and generally seal ourselves away from reality.

In the real world, we are all human, and we do our best.

Surely the real point here is not that pregnant women occasionally have a glass of wine or some cheese, but that people feel absolutely within their rights to paint these women as criminals for doing so.

Society should be looking for ways to help and support women during what can be a very testing time, not looking for ways to castigate them. Most of us are hard enough on ourselves, without others weighing in.

Jo, London,

I was smiling while reading this - and delighted that a normal person has written such truth about pregnancy!
I was lucky enough to have a beautiful baby girl 5 months ago and had to focus on the end product all the way through my pregnancy as I felt exactly the same as the lady writing this article!
Pregnancy can often be made to be such a drag due to all the advice that people freely hand out to you, instead of celebrating the miracle that is happening - and yes, celebrating with the odd glass of alcohol here and there!
I was even asked if I was suffering from some of the embarassing side effects of pregnancy by complete strangers - that was after they had been tutting at me when I had been working out in the gym!

Emma, London,

This sounds so familiar. When I was pregnant with my first baby 11 years ago, I felt like I had become public property. I only had to stand at a bus-stop to be offered "advice" by total strangers, asked if I knew the sex, what kind of birth I was going to have (I am NOT a clairvoyant) and all the rest of it. When i was pregant with my twins it was even worse.

This may appear mildly amusing to those who have never been pregnant. It isn't. It's rude and invasive and demeaning. I sometimes felt a non-person. My father-in-law asking my husband (in my presence) whether I should really be drinking that odd glass of wine made me want to throw the entire contents of said glass in his face.

Enjoy the Guinness !

AMY SMITH, WIRRAL, ENGLAND

This is the first sane article about pregnancy I have read since I got pregnant. That was seven months ago. I am only appalled that the 'let's pick on pregnant women' culture has developed so far that a responsible and well informed adult feels she has to write under a pseudonym.

Kate Bodsworth, London,

It is interesting that different countries advise different things: here in Brussels the only thing my gynaecologist told me to avoid was raw meat. Consequently I ate everything except including oysters and soft cheeses and would you believe, have had two healthy pregnancies and two healthy babies!

Carol Miller, Brussels, Belgium

How true these words are - and yes, even in France. Not only do people ask quite freely if it was an accident, but the doctor doing the scan asked if I intended to keep it !
I'm now pregnant with my fourth child and have to admit that I gave up listening to all prenatal advice after my first. I've smoked and drunk during previous pregnancies and my two secondary school aged children are normal height and intellectually above average. Now please excuse me while I finish my coleslaw...

Lux, Nancy, F

I think this attitude towards pregnant women is just another sign of society blaming mothers for all that goes wrong with kids.

And for someone patting you on the abdomen... what the hell? Though I've never seen this sort of behaviour in France, if it happened to me I'd probably slap their hand off.

Max, Paris,