What’s it all about? To my disappointment, I didn’t get a shot of hard liquor. All they do is add a glug or two of tequila to a bowl of sage oil and massage it into your skin. What a swizz! On the other hand, it feels great. Before the massage you relax in a comfortable antechamber where you can read the papers and have a (soft) drink. Then you go through and lie on something that feels like a padded electric blanket and mentally drift while a beautiful handmaiden gently massages you front and back. I felt like a Roman emperor — and I nearly lost control and ordered larks’ tongues and peeled grapes.

Ouch factor It didn’t hurt at all. Your body is treated so gently that you feel like a 15st delicate (but still manly) flower.

Clock-watching It lasts an hour but, because you go into a trance-like state from the massage and the music — in my case the delightful Punjabi Lounge Compilation album — it feels more like 20 minutes.

Trick or treat Well, though it does seem a waste of good booze, the tequila massage did make me feel invigorated and very slightly intoxicated. Apparently, the tequila is absorbed into the body through the pores of the skin and is supposed to stimulate the lymph glands and improve circulation. This is, rather oddly, billed as a detoxing procedure. And you are urged to drink lots of water afterwards to flush out the toxins released.

Verdict As a lunchtime treat, the tequila massage is a little too long to be fitted into most people’s schedules. And, at £100 a pop, it’s not cheap. But it does leave you feeling wonderful: mellow and refreshed — and not even the slightest bit hung-over.

The Refinery has premises in London at 60 Brook Street, W1 (020-7409 2001), Harrods, SW1 (020-7893 8332) and 38 Bishopsgate, EC2 (020-7588 1006). For further information, visit www.the-refinery.com

ANGUS DONALD