A: Thank you for this question, as it raises the important question of the effect of penile size on sexual performance as well as appearance. Confusing these two different aspects of what should be the same question gives rise to an immense amount of unhappiness, anguish and comments that are not necessarily supported by experience.
It is said that men are more interested in the size of other men’s penises than are women. This interest — some women would say obsession — has nothing to do with latent homosexuality but is indicative of the male competitive spirit. Men like to be rich, not only in terms of pounds in the bank but also testosterone in the bloodstream and inches on the penis.
For many men, if they could have a wish that came true, it might well be to have a larger penis. Men rarely see their own penis except from above and this shortens its appearance. They disregard the image from the mirror, although it gives a better impression and is what they see when looking at other men in the showers. Nor do men see other erect penises, and there is not a direct relationship between the size of an erect penis and a flaccid one.
An unerect penis is usually something less than half the size it is when erect, but it is impossible to be more precise. Erect penises are considered normal if they are between 5in and 7½in (12.7cm to 19cm) but will function adequately when smaller than this or, of course, when larger, although women will begin to object if it’s too large.
A small study of a group of sexually experienced women revealed that when emotion was removed from the equation, size did matter. Women preferred penises at the top of the average range but were more interested in girth than length. As one woman said: she preferred a cigar to a cigarette, however long the cigarette. There was almost universal agreement that without strong emotional bonds to the man, an extra-large penis was a turn-off. But this is not the impression given by porn films watched by some men; and these perpetuate the myths about penile size.
Research published in the Journal of Urology described investigations into the effect on a man’s sex life of having a penis so small that it could justifiably be known as a “micro penis”. The overwhelming majority of the men had normal sexual intercourse and, despite their micro penises, started sex no later than their contemporaries who had a penis of average size. Their partnerships tended to be more lasting than those of their contemporaries. This was attributed to the way in which men with a small penis devoted more time to trying harder in other marital and parental roles. Here lies the answer to the question of what to do about a small penis.
Many women don’t put as much emphasis on penetrative sex or penile size as is supposed.If the man with a small penis is more affectionate, attentive and considerate, there is every likelihood that most women will be delighted with him. There are operations in which the suspensory ligaments to the penis are cut, make it appear longer, whereas, in fact, it is only hanging lower. There are operations to increase girth, but the risk of complications outweighs any advantage. Men with micro penises do, however, find that changing in public is an ordeal. Cosmetic surgery might help this.
A: The US sex researchers Masters, Johnson and Kolodny once stated that the erection could be thought of as the “great equaliser” because men with a smaller non-erect penis usually have a larger percentage volume increase during erection than men who have a larger flaccid penis (Sex and Human Loving, 1986). Unfortunately, the majority of heterosexual men have never seen a “typical” erect penis in the flesh and an inordinate number — regardless of sexual orientation — suffer from feelings of inadequacy about the size of their penis. This is not a new phenomenon. The ancient Indian text the Kama Sutra contains several sections dedicated to penis enlargement, including useful tips such as rubbing the penis with stinging insects to induce a long- lasting swelling.
The size and shape of the penis, scrotum and testicles in an adult male are determined by embryonic testosterone levels. However, according to the Kinsey Institute for Sex Research in the US, the average size for an erect penis is 6in (15cm), with a midshaft circumference of 5in. The shortest functioning penis to have been recorded was just over ½in and the longest just over 13in. Size is always measured when the penis is erect because its dimensions vary more when it is flaccid.
According to Dr Harold Reed, the director of the Reed Centre for Ambulatory Urological Surgery, in Florida, the correct way to measure the length of a penis is to make it erect, angle it down until it is parallel to the floor and then set a ruler against the pubic bone just above the base of the penis and measure to the tip.
The best way to judge penis size without a ruler is to look in the mirror. An aerial view makes it appear shorter because you don’t see the full length of the shaft, but time of day, mood and temperature will affect how big it looks. If you are cold and unrelaxed, your balls will shrivel close to your body, which will make your general package appear smaller.
There’s no doubt that women are generally pleasantly surprised when confronted with a larger than expected member, but it is more of a novelty than anything else. The vagina is only 3½in to 5¾in long and, contrary to popular opinion, it is not a hollow tube but a “potential space”, which expands to accommodate the penis. This means that even a very small member can touch every square inch of it and because the inner proportion of the vagina and the cervix have few sensory nerve endings, the length of the penis is relatively unimportant.
In fact, a very large penis can be uncomfortable as it knocks against the cervix. No smart woman would base her choice of partner on whether he was hung like a donkey, so I think that you should stop worrying about size and concentrate on perfecting your sexual technique instead. Make sure that your partner is fully aroused before intercourse. Use your tongue and fingers liberally during foreplay and bring her as close to an orgasm as you can. Make sure that you are fully erect before penetrating and then opt for positions which maximise length. Doggy is good, as is getting her to go on top. Vary the pace and force of your thrusts and make sure to provide her with lots of subtle clitoral stimulation while you press into her.
Remember, it’s not the meat it’s the motion, and if you get her to reach orgasm she won’t care whether you have a chipolata or a chorizo.
OVER TO YOU
Do you have a sexual dilemma for Suzi Godson and Dr Thomas Stuttaford? Send your e-mails to body&soul@thetimes.co.uk or write to Body&Soul, The Times, 1 Pennington Street, London E98 1TT. The authors regret that, although your letters are much appreciated, they cannot respond personally.
